September 2026 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "I thought this was the team that DIDN'T have to fight dinosaurs!" Giulia wailed.

2nd: 'OWO, PROGWESS'

3rd: "...Did I just murder a lady?... Or, manslaughter a lady?"

4th: The world already knows she's a klutz. And unathletic. And naive. And bad at managing finances.

5th: "I could trade like half my brain for half of hers, then I'd be the ultimate fighter..."

6th: "Five Star Crakerjacs Badge"

7th: “KEEP SPACE-TIME STABLE!” the crowd roared, as if on cue.

8th: "So, if you see a horse, odds are it's a horse."

9th: Ectoplasmic spittle flew from Kiri's mouth

10th: Mudtwo approves of this new state.

11th: "saving our tube system means you've 'gone rogue'"

12th: "And Katharina is a stonefaced old lady so you probably won't get many laughs from her"

13th: "You bunch of beggars!... Well, okay. A little treat for everyone."

14th: "I do, if I can remember to remember it!"

15th: Xnihps

16th: How dare you just ASSUME I brought Castti and Alexia to this event!!!

17th: "I wasn't killed! I'm right here!"

18th: "TRISMEGISTUS!" "Bless you."

19th: "PERFECT SPEAR!" because it was important to give your moves cool names, and nothing was cooler than Perfect Cell.

20th: "You signed the legal waiver last time, so you don't need to sign it again."

21st: Hang on a dang second, the mushroom's talking!

22nd: "We already have a system in place for dealing with people. You kill them."

23rd: (iced, of course)

24th: Petra shouts this defiantly at the Thwomp. Thwomp don't care

25th: "Did you hear that, Giulia?! We get to ride the Hundred-Footed Death Maggot to the Sea of Lightning!" "It's a dream come true."

26th: "Artitect clearly lost within godhood delusion. Irritating, but expected."

27th: Kirby is shaped like a friend and should induce more than smiles.

28th: "I would have written a joke for you, but it's not like songs where that would be a sweet thing to do."

29th: "Then could you stop being insufferable about it for five seconds." "Nope~"

30th: "No, I was going to sleep for five minutes and THEN work on a solution."

August 2026 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: Now SHE can be the giant to the toy Dougs!

2nd: "Ice cream for breakfast. The mind reels - insanity!"

3rd: "a possible plot of a more nefarious nature than banal fiscal greed."

4th: It's called 'IN DEMAND'.

5th: Bankrupcy was the stupid prize he deserved.

6th: a rousing afternoon of looking at a whole lot of toasters.

7th: And money was the greatest foe of any artist, aside from perhaps THE ESTABLISHMENT.

8th: "I like Koldo, because he's a professional." "Professional buzzkill, more like"

9th: "Reforming criminals who regret their actions is, like, a top five Kobber pastime."

10th: Arbitration (capitalized)

11th: Ahhh, sports apparel. What a concept! Specific clothes to wear when playing sports. Truly, this was the greatest creation of society next to all the other ones.

12th: this isn't just Scaly Pete - this is Fallen Scaly Pete!

13th: Rainbow was feeling quite a bit better after getting to punch a nerd.

14th: Most concerning of all? There was a floating brain

15th: Helasia sighed and gave him a deadpan look. "ANNOYED AS ALL FUCK"

16th: "Nah. I'm gonna go hail a burger instead."

17th: "MUDI GRAS! HOO HOO HOO!"

18th: She said her name properly

19th: "EEH-UHHH!" The Whomp exclaims

20th: "Remember, I work retail. I'm used to doing nothing all day"

21st: Kenny remained wedged in the wheel.

22nd: "Never want to see that guy's dumb grin again!" he grumbles about something he could at least effect.

23rd: "CHANGE OF PLANS! We got a different place we got to block! No... No maybe we just blow up that tunnel! ...Doesn't change that people know where it is. Let's see... you could stand guard at the entrance! ...But what if they see you and just make a new path connecting to the tunnel."

24th: "Do you have any idea how badly you've had to screw up to make Lobco punch first?"

25th: "Get pet, FARTY!"

26th: "I don't think you CAN vomit."

27th: Jeff has managed to mix up...SOMETHING!

28th: She jumps and slams right into Zoacti as a column of pure syrup, slamming hundreds and hundreds of pounds of syrup into Zoacti to make her proportion of Evil Toxic Slime less and less!

29th: Empress Maple

30th: "Do not say sorry when you mean thank you."

31st: "Carmine doesn't match any other color of footwear..."

July 2026 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "-and then I laughed, eee-hee-hee-hee!"

2nd: "I TRIED BECAUSE I LOVE YOU."

3rd: In the chaos of battle, one could forgive one's aim being slightly off. But the Brawl, a real, serious, life-or-death competition was coming up.

4th: "I stopped counting how many I threw in my basket after four." "Sweet!"

5th: "Hey, Hanya! You said you were a techno... whatchamacallit."

6th: "Silto and Otlis, you came... Tea time is over"

7th: Jeff was the ticket taker. I don't know where he was storing those tickets

8th: "You know, they're lucky." "That they have me as their chef?" "That I have a functionally unlimited budget."

9th: “I pickled it!” “You pickled the pizza?” “I pickled the pizza!”

10th: There's few things more romantic than for two Kobbers who love each other to snuggle together on a bleacher to watch their friends die.

11th: "And leave YOU alone with my rose bushes? AGAIN?"

12th: "Truly, the Kobbers have mastered death. Do you fight to the death for fun on occasions beyond the Brawl?"

13th: "Then again, who wouldn't want a gorilla as a friend if they knew it was possible?"

14th: Binah is here! Binah is (no longer) competing!

15th: "I could drink you." She tells the water. "I could hold you in my hands and know what "wet" feels like!"

16th: We'll keep the name, though. Ninety-nine footed death maggot doesn't have the same ring to it.

17th: She wriggles. Save her.

18th: a weakly undulating noodle Squirtle

19th: Jeff cheekpuffs. WEIRD?

20th: "Lemme just as the gorillion-dollar questions here."

21st: ...or, as those in city hall call it, "Pilot Tunnel #1383D415", but that doesn't quite roll off the tongue, does it?

22nd: The Little Lelementals' trip to Fossil Canyon had been, you're not going to believe this... a blast.

23rd: She didn't know what a Redditor was, but from the tone could pick up it was something lower than dirt...

24th: "Uuu... Why'd the fox looking guy have to be evil?" Aqua sighed. "He can make playmates for me all day!"

25th: "Hope you don't do brain stuff while mixing drinks at the bar."

26th: it's not like Cat Stella was gonna try and eat Bird Stella

27th: "HEY SHOEBY! Guess what? My neck works again!"

28th: more allies than a single sad ninja orphan.

29th: Rodan does not stop eating the moss, for it needs to be symmetrical in his tummy.

30th: they were technically bug compliments

31st: Look at her just... ordering like she isn't a waitress.

June 2026 Ticker Quote Archive

1st: This Grotto is Jeff-approved!

2nd: It sure was a grrrrrreat day to be Doug! :D :D :D

3rd: God put those weakpoints there for a reason

4th: "SHE KINDA HAS THAT [girl failure] VIBE TO HER AT THE MOMENT, AND I DO NOT WANT THAT."

5th: That's not Petra! THAT'S NOT PETRA AT ALL.

6th: PS3, unfortunately, was experiencing the drawback of having Lisa Simpson's hand under your control.

7th: "Watch out, everyone! I'm making a- You know what? Nevermind!"

8th: Cordie doesn't seem to have grasped she's in a pairing yet. At least Mimi has company.

9th: "Do it," said the transformed kitsune, speaking like a wicked empress. "Do the funny shovel thing!"

10th: THERE, FINALLY THE SISTERS INTERACT.

11th: she's rewarded with a familiar, titillating burning. Do her wounds ever burn!

12th: "...Uwah..." She squeaked, an anxious nerd noise.

13th: "Graaah! Sloppy!"

14th: IS SOMEONE TALKING ABOUT BIRDS?

15th: "Tired..." "Not- I'm not bored!

16th: She'd been making her way through a baked potato, but in the moment had to see to her pain.

17th: Her hands WERE powerful and grabby!

18th: Well, look at her and clap.

19th: "IT IS SO MUCH TALLER THAN EVERYTHING ELSE AND VERY... SPIRE-Y. VERY WIZARDCORE."

20th: Yeah, Jessica, fuck you!

21st: "She won't need the robot horse when she's a large dog!"

22nd: "She's a good change of pace. And a good friend. And dumb." "Would you say that to her face, I wonder." "Yes."

23rd: "I have, but I'm curious as to how you'll butcher the retelling."

24th: Horatio puts a whole freaking nickel on the counter!

25th: "She's a good little octopus."

26th: ...maybe she REALLY should have stayed in New Deadwood.

27th: It wasn't even IN HIS EYES

28th: Yes, Jacinthe's magnificent phallus shall be on full display all day long.

29th: "Animal… or mineral?"

30th: Troy looks at MAGIC as if she committed manslaughter. "That's REGINALD KURANYA, MAGIC!"

May 2026 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "A Scoli does what a Scoli does, taking it day by day."

2nd: "Vinyl records and... uh.... jalopies?"

3rd: What cowboy-related shenanigans await her in her future?

4th: <That went well.> The moon said sourly

5th: "...Okay, can you do a bit better than your worst?"

6th: "That's not very Argonian of you-"

7th: The door to the Crown Jewel is pushed open, admitting first... A butt.

8th: Just how large could a chef get?

9th: "Chaos is never late according to Chaos."

10th: Petah, the Chiyari is here...

11th: "have the Kobbers ever had problems with the moon before?" "Well, not our moon"

12th: This may sound like the setup for some variant joke, but it's just what happens.

13th: Mission Control wasn't there to stop him! HE IS FREE!

14th: Then he didn't know what to say, so he said, "Pork bao buns, please."

15th: Perphaps, he'd dust off those rusty social skills and talk to someone who wasn't a goat.

16th: The three Porygons dabbed. So did Tifa. Why am I here, just to suffer?

17th: "Well, we showed him! We didn't go solo and fuck up!"

18th: "Did we always have a grotto?" "Yeah"

19th: And then MAGIC was a toaster.

20th: There is no more dangerous force than nerds having a spat.

21st: Once upon a time Destiny had been a Horse Girl

22nd: "Oh, oh, I am so glad to see we have so many people stepping forward to keep the discussion calm!"

23rd: (Yes, looking at Garfield comics counts as reading.)

24th: "Let's jam, meatsacks."

25th: "It's here I smash it?" "Oh!"

26th: More and more fairies rise to populate the playground

27th: "This is NOT very yeehaw!"

28th: "Why must being known invite pain…"

29th: "Take your bucket of bolts and get outta here!" "Nah, I don't wanna!"

30th: "IS THERE [LORE] TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT?"

31st: "Geeze, just because I can't beat a girl I start calling her queen."

2025-2026 Off-Season Ticker Quote Archive

 December

24th: "Merry Christmas, Meatball."

25th: Three Men (sometimes you just need them)

January

2nd: "You think the town'll have something to do yet?" "Doubt it."

12th: <...We're speaking mentally. How could you have trouble hearing me?>

21st: "I DID IT! Golf Buddies... REAL!"

24th: Her mental picture had been something like the Mines of Moria, only with more guardrails and street signs

31st: Now with a narrow and achievable task to focus on, Kartu lights up

February

9th: "Six seven!"

15th: "GO GET THE RESUME, MISS DARKWATER."

19th: almost all of the creatures and things the titan once called Clane had put together were unintelligent and dumber than animals.

24th: "I, for one, don't want to throw my money down a hole forever."

27th: "No, I'm okay. Muscle doesn't float."

28th: "This is so cute! Or cool, or... however you want me to react"

March

24th: "everything from battles to races to card games!" "On motorcycles?" "It's been known." 

27th: some chump you might have heard of named Heidegger. Yeah, THAT Heidegger.

29th: "Do I not feel like a young bird to you, John?" "I'd say more of a mosquito."

31st: "they'll go looking for some way to d-, uh, go inert"

April

7th: ugh, especially in this room!

8th: "Mmmm… Mmm… Exquisiiiite,"

9th: my god... im ur worm babe...

14th: "get ready to see some true gear-turnin’, steampunkin’ action!”

27th: "The egg continues to confound me," Sage admitted

November 2025 Ticker Quote Archive

 3rd: "What a vacation that was." Jackson said wistfully.

4th: 204 pounds of solid muscle.

5th: Chiyari slowly looks over at Sese and blinks. "Memes?"

6th: Battle Medic Castti

7th: Rose rose

8th: "Alack! Alas! The thrillseeker finds no thrills here nor there!"

9th: Well, it was less of an invasion and more a group of grateful mercenaries finally deciding to check out the place their saviors frequented.

10th: "I've got the giant pool of money. We'll be able to hire someone!"

11th: "I hope I didn't leave them in Tennessee..."

12th: "I am all for not getting overwhelmed this time around, or fighting Mabel's shitty old boss again. ...Really hope she didn't have a secret, more terrible boss out there."

13th: "Your girlfriend is a giant warehouse in Tennessee"

14th: "Consume the crust. Appreciate the bread. Respect it." The video went viral.

16th: ~WILL EVOLTO RETURN?~ WHO KNOWS?

17th: It was a very good thing Kiwii was there to mop up the mess

18th: a day with Doug (no trademark this time)

20th: Nao blushes as she waves away that idea, "My dad is not hot!"

21st: "All aboard! All aboard for the line to Kookaburra Junction!"

23rd: Even tar monsters that attacked at night couldn't help her from feeling a little happier that she had the chance, now.

24th: McLeod open his mouth. "No." -and shut it again.

25th: "Well, besides getting me a long overdue slice of Illuso pie,"  Sese smirks

26th: …and that she is the cutest and most regal princess of all, of course.

27th: "It's a pizza. And you put turkey on it." "My god."

28th: "We go nuts together or not at all!"

29th: Scoli swept the floor, gathering dirt up in neat little rows before introducing them to the dustbin.

30th: Brandon Carter- formerly Carver- groaned on the other side. "Is this Kobber related?"

October 2025 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: fold the scythe into a gun that sprayed flames and egg-shaped flares with a demonic "BAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWK".

2nd: Mochi thumps her foot against the ground like a particularly excited rabbit.

3rd: Petra, we think, looks over at Katharina, maybe.

4th: The cheapest option hadn't even been an unearthed potato and raw meat. He'd stopped asking after that.

5th: Expect frantic Google searches a few hours later on if people tend to flirt by calling each other "impressive".

6th: Nobody in the coffee shop turned around at the noise, which did not help matters.

7th: Omggggg doogieeeee mwah mwah mwah mljgwah <3 <3 <3 <3 give him scritchesss 5 meeee, i'll save a bottle of victory wine for u

8th: Having a little too much fun with carpeting

9th: "we're always going to be-" "-the LELEMENTALS!"

10th: "Okay. You! Ghost lady with the weird eyes-" "That's Perona!"

11th: Fucking Tenessee is fucked in all dimensions, huh?

12th: The immortal vampire, stronger and faster than humans.

13th: MOCHI IS ARMED

14th: "JUDON'T STAND A CHANCE!"

15th: Chris Yukine is wearing her mummy costume! Well, she's got a lot of bandages on her body

16th: "What's with birds and being evil?"

17th: It was bees all along.

18th: "...IS he a bird?" "He's half of one, at least." "He's not an organic creature at all any more. He's a mech." "He's shaped like a dinosaur, so I'm calling him a dinosaur." "Well, actually, birds are dinosaurs, so-" "OH MY GOD SHUT UP"

19th: "Shuma-Gorath who’s barely a fraction of his power, who drinks in bars with the mortals and talks like a 60’s cartoon villain?!”

20th: "...I do not get it." She muttered, putting the hat back on

21st: "Do you have earwax? Do you cry tears? Do you sweat?"

22nd: Barbara was important to DALI, so there was no lie

23rd: "D'awwww..." Daw says

24th: ...Godzilla with a Shotgun?!

25th: ”Is this the Planeswarden Convention?” “BUK-KOK!!!”

26th: (the damn rifts, they never ended!)

27th: the advantage of those being that they don't get depowered when you kill a clown.

28th: "What do you mean, time out? There are no time outs when it comes to fights to the death!"

29th: "He is absolutely going to prison for, like, way too many crimes, though."

30th: "Saving the Pope" is a hard bar to match

31st: "Correction. Tonight, I am a COWBOY. And I'm going Yeehaw Mode."

September 2025 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: So Mud got naked.

2nd: Scholarly consensus suggests that boats are larger than bullets [citation needed].

3rd: "Wait a minute, that's right. I need to be mad at you."

4th: "So this is what it was like hanging around me."

5th: "Huh. It sounds Irish Gaelic, but isn't."

6th: "I do not think you thought your cunning plan all the way through."

7th: a decidedly unsexy investigation with an unclear direction

8th: "Aha! I'll feign my death!"

9th: "No. Melone drank the fucking water"

10th: "Now I can really commune with the Sacabambaspis."

11th: Another page devotes itself to Knockers

12th: "You have the hotel. I might as well be a wheelbarrow."

13th: "When I made the Garlic Substitute with Pete, I didn't mean for you to substitute it for COMMON SENSE."

14th: "the kobbers, who are an amorphous bunch of stick figures with question marks over their heads."

15th: "Go on! Go get it all solved!" "...Fine. FINE"

16th: we need people to make sure nothing goes wrong besides what we want to go wrong on our test

17th:  for a change, she looks a touch professional.

18th: "Could I have been blinded by her light, the same way I thought others were?" "YES!"

19th: "I mean, when a giant pyramid the Kobbers are actively fighting is the one that shares your viewpoint...It might be time to rethink your trajectory."

20th: It's lahke Chrissmas mornin'.

21st: Guns dig chicken livers.

22nd: She just knows he gives good high fives.

23rd: "I hope they don't remember we're all a team and dismiss our viewpoints 'cause of it."

24th: it almost tasted like a liquid birthday cake

25th: "General of knowledge, huh? Well, it's too bad for you, but I'm not very smart!"

26th: two stone Dougs

27th: The ensuing scene of carnage is not legally fit for broadcast in 210 countries.

28th: the Space Pirates had an annoying knack (no, not that one) for being able to make chicken salad out of Weav chicken shit

29th: "Things are already too far, Kyps! So now we have to double down because there's no where left to go!"

30th: "Well fuck me for being an optimist for a change!"

August 2025 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: (how did he learn to write Wingdings?)

2nd: Criminal Protection Program.

3rd: 'She said her language equivalent of, well, "shhrrrgggg, shrggggggg."'

4th: "You just don't want to admit I might have a point."

5th: The door is kicked ope- *THUD* "...Ow."

6th: "I'm a blatant Horus fangirl, clamoring for Anhka's attention like a child showing a macaroni picture to their mom!"

7th: TAKE RUDE DAMAGE, IDIOT!

8th: "Claude! Claudandus! Holy shit, that man's not in the least bit creative!"

9th: Hey, bananas didn't buy themselves.

10th: "A lady needs her privacy and my criminal record is PRIVATE!"

11th: And while Mallory, of the Bronze Rainbow, bent to this important task, several women stuck their arm down a hole.

12th: Any heavy lifting? Happy to do it!

13th: "This looks like a challenge of my ability to carry garbage!"

14th: Antonio Guster remained immensely annoying.

15th: "I'm only forty-nine anyway."

16th: "Nah, fuck that. Attack Pack was peak Hot Wheels."

17th: "OH, DR. PEPPER! IS THIS LOVE I'M FEEEEEELINNNNNNG?"

18th: serious buffalo energy

19th: "Oh- Look! The fat goats have come to us!"

20th: a victory for """diplomacy"""(?)!

21st: 'Scoli would have had to fill up multiple garbage bags to get rid of them all'. Where did he put it all?

22nd: "They call him 'High Father'. I call him a prick."

23rd: "She's as clearly as not human as I am."

24th: Meanwhile, the smart lads are having a pizza party

25th: PSP, currently, covered in cats, frowns more deeply

26th: Barb looked and saw her hand was absolutely covered in filth. "Oh. Yeah."

27th: And then the soot animal nation attacked.

28th: "Don't derail our mission with your heterosexual nonsense"

29th: a pile of soot and shrapnel, the victim of a sudden debilitating case of 'shot to death'.

30th: Day with Doug™

31st: The Hottest Woman Alive According To A Singular Chimera Heart

July 2025 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: Oh, by the way, it's Canada Day.

2nd: "...Is the plural of Moose Mooses or Meese, do you think?"

3rd: A trough, who else could boast of such a luxury!

4th: "Neokama forever!"

5th: And through it all...thank Arceus that Truffles was there.

6th: "YAR, MATEYS- Wait, no, that's not- uh, AVAST! Mateys!"

7th: "right now it's starting to feel like my lesbian wife and I took our kids to the carnival."

8th: He had only begun to chew before he made a face. "It's oily."

9th: "I don't think this book will give us the secret to reproducing Attami's thighs"

10th: last last last minute

11th: Maybe Bluster was sick and tired of being Just Enough.

12th: Small Stump Scrap

13th: She was realizing she didn't really know how to make small talk WITH the weather.

14th: Reduin considered this a moment and then supplied: "The hell?"

15th: "Not yet, Doug." Loremaster grabs Doug by the tail and gently pulls him back. He immediately starts waddling forward again.

16th: "Maybe I should have just been given a bunch of umbrellas!"

17th: Dear god. Malin is thinking like an investigator.

18th: more space police. "We're going to space!!"

19th: Wart Cures Monthly had really gone downhill lately.

20th: All things considered, prison wasn't that bad.

21st: "Professional space adventurer! Which is really a fancy way of saying courier, but I like to sound cool."

22nd: "Wait- are you calling me a hot dog?" "No, you're a lovely pork chop."

23rd: How many times would corporate demand to stop a force fueled by riches and beer?

24th: "LOOK! I'M FANCY!"

25th:... yes. Yellow and cyan.

26th: "Besides, gambling is easy. You just don't lose, and you win instead."

27th: Sometimes all you need is Two Mechs.

28th: She needed a hand, and hence dropped her sword, because it wouldn't explode at her feet.

29th: "I suppose I will never stumble upon a more effective aid for rousing myself than a jet of flame"

30th: mythological (or as Kobbers know them, real)

31st: "GET ROTATED, IDIOT!"

June 2025 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "What in the heck is a Smurf and Turf?"

2nd: "Nya. Miao. Mew. Meong. Niau.  แง้ว. няв. ඤාවු . 야옹."

3rd: "How will you handle... the railfans?"

4th: “Well. Haven’t we found ourselves in quite a sticky wicket?” …Julia Ravensky.

5th: A textbook Big Muscly Arm, as it is known.

6th: "What SHOULD I call him? Tarantula Hawk Wasp?”

7th: it's just Kobber bullshit for her now.

8th: There was, in fact... a rule that said dogs cannot play basketball.

9th: "OI, DO YOU FACKIN MIND?!"

10th: "GLORIOUS RAAAAAIL POLYGAAAAMY!"

11th: "...Ohmygodyou'resoright I'M STUPID, WE CAN MAKE KABOBS"

12th: "Pow! Pow, pow, pow."

13th: "OW! THEM PINS BE POINTY!"

14th: "Giant sea serpent? You kidding me? That would have been a great opportunity. But no, we have to be asleep when it happens."

15th: "Voodoo dolls and Voodon't dolls"

16th: "rack off, ya bogans. At the risk of sounding technical."

17th: "To get INside, you got to be an OUTsider here."

18th: "I'm Rumia, and I pet all the rocks!"

19th: The Fist Of The Financial Investigators might have been a terrible movie title

20th: None of these phenomena seemed to be really connected to anything

21st: Yes It's The RV Again.

22nd: "Oh. WOW! That's a lot of time"

23rd: Tornado Lele!

24th: Oh wait they're shooting laser beams, fuck-

25th: Boy, this escalated quickly! Fortunately

26th: "Say hi, Forvale." "Hi, Forvale."

27th: he'd find that his arms worked just fine. WHAT WILL HAPPEN?

28th: FUCK IT, I CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO LEARN PLACE NAMES, IT'S TOO HOT RIGHT NOW

29th: YOUR MOM BLINDED HIM!

30th: "they seem to believe that art should take third or fourth place in priority."

May 2025 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "So... six months of this, huh?"

2nd: All sorts of half formed plans and ideas were distracting her, enough that she almost tripped on a part of the sidewalk that wasn't flush with the rest.

3rd: He had a feeling that it was going to be one of those trips. "...we could play truth or dare,"

4th: I like to say Jiggy. Jiggy jiggy jiggy jiggy jiggy.

5th: "What religion has gun angels again? I need to find the right church."

6th: The priest jerked to the side.

7th: "They're tacky as fuck! Who has time to pose for cameras while on a mission! Also what sick fuck got the idea to shove a bunch of monkeys into a barrel? And while we're at it what other sick fuck decided to turn an obvious act of animal  cruelty into a fun party game..."

8th: Mud walks over to the mess of Dung chunks and lolls

9th: And once again, you have two men.

10th: "A mind like mine is wasted in the mines!"

11th: "Truffles, I'm going to be honest I don't know how sniffing the bones will help, but I'm glad you here."

12th: At least Sumireko has one (1) fan!

13th: "Cobb, ech." Rooting around for eggs

14th: Where are we going to get 500 rocks for pokemon cards?!

15th: There's a moral about this somewhere, if you squint.

16th: Thoroughly inspected. No aliens.

17th: ...okay, fuck it, she's discovered Italian Brainrot.

18th: Then maybe we could solve an issue and Throw Momma From The Train

19th: "But the fastest and easiest way to get you out of here is with something useful"

20th: "Surely there must be some sort of, rail polygamy situation we can arrange..."

21st: Things got literally, but not figuratively steamy

22nd: buy-one-cone-get-a-free-kiddy-cone offer from Juan's Ice Cream Underground

23rd: LOBCO SWEEP BABY, HERE COMES THE MONEYYYYYYY

24th: "...on second thought, no. Punch him. Very hard. In the face."

25th: "So what, you're all in cahoots? Are you all cahooting like a bunch of ca-owls?"

26th: "It's an odd special, but...They steam a good ham."

27th: A menagerie of malformed macabre Mabel replicas though?

28th: "If you tell the one about the man from Nantucket I'll sock you."

29th: "I've been inorganic since the day I was born. But go ahead, keep praising me."

30th: so where was a manchine supposed to go to possibly get answers and possibly money

31st: "I'm a disaster too!"

Offseason 2024-2025 Ticker Quote Archive

 November

1st: "Where are you going?" "Prepping my resume so I can give my two weeks' notice."

2nd: "Yeah, we're starting to get mail and put in street names!"

3rd: "Still, as happy as I am with you all, we yet have work to do."

4th: "I won't beat around the bush. You two are in jail"

5th: "SARAI SARAI SARAI SARAI SARAI SARAI SAKAI SENPAI HENTAI RED SPY TOO HIGH MAI TAI MEN'S TIE-"

7th: "The Clairepiece is now complete."

8th: Castti turned away from the INCREDIBLY LEWD sight

9th: "MGEOOOOW" Chloe sounds like this.

10th: spending time with his future wife certainly didn't hurt, either.

11th: "Okay, no, I swear I was listening and paying attention to all that was just said, but there is NO WAY I'm standing around and listening to you two talk more whale politics."

12th: In some ways, though, it kind of was a knitted chunky sock

13th: A very bad smelling, dearly in need of various forms of hygiene, inside an equally badly smelling 'secret semi apartment'. THAT, he had built.

14th: "Fuck golf!"

15th: "I have nothing. I promise nothing."

16th: "There will be no need for pizza today." "But will there be a WANT for pizza?"

17th: "...You seem like a nice sort of people"

18th: "Monarch is not a very large group at the moment, and I spent most of my starting capital on the nice front doors..."

19th: "Now, I KNOW kringles don't actually have anything to do with Kris Kringle"

20th: "Nope! I'm staying here!" "Well, that's understandable."

21st: "I forgot I was short"

22nd: Cursed Antiques, a reality show about people finding cursed antiques and getting them de-cursed.

23rd: Come back in a thousand years and we'll check on her.

24th: "I do not sleep and Miyoi would be sad."

25th: Well, it's a Heaven, at least.

26th: "Oh, wait... is that a bullet wound?" "Hmm. Looks like it"

27th: "And that, Five, is why you'll probably go under before you even get off the ground."

28th: she'd impressed him, no small feat since she wasn't a Baneblade

30th: Come try on these clothes I've made. I'm sure I'll love them.

December

25th: "BUT WHO'S SIDE IS SHE ON, BROTHERDUDEJACK?"

January

21st: …eating the bark?

23rd: Way to go, Ishii!

24th: "Deadlifts, please!" Hannah said immediately

26th: "I admire your optimism."

30th: "That's a Nintendo 64, the greatest console that's ever been made."

February

3rd: "Yeah, but try to keep the bodies to a minimum, alright?"

6th: “I didn’t waste THAT much flour.”

8th: Christopher was now completely stonewalling them. “Oh no!”

9th: "You ever watch The Lion King sober?"

10th: "...Hello-" Hannah gasped and whirled around

14th: “DEEEEEE DUCKKKKK SHIIOONNNNNN!” Joy called.

16th: “Don’t ask me, I just work here.” The undead irradiated human said, and then offered a cigarette.

17th: "Their thoughts are temporary. Art is perpetual."

20th: the Space Pirates had come up with a messy, half-baked, and unstable as heck way to tap it

24th: "Side training. Babies"

25th: she looked down at the picture on the box critically. It was one of Trader Joe's finest

26th: he was, in fact, a dog

28th: "...Excellent!" Loremaster said, nodding as if she understood what any of that meant.

March

2nd: The door…did not open.

6th: “The couch is more comfortable.”

10th:  the molten palace squatted like an old oven.

13th: Day 16: Sudden terrible weather.

17th: "Oh, look... It's deert." She said, amazed.

18th: “Also don't accept subpar tea. Where's that waiter?”

27th: "From now on, I am to be known entirely and only as... Mauve Vermillion!"

28th: Hudson certainly felt like she was working with crayons

29th: You could be a depressed alcoholic anywhere, at any time.

31st: lucky guess: it could have been aluminum

April

1st: "That's the ticket! Not too many details, not too many answers!"

4th: “Do you think she planned to end up half dead, with her jaw broken?”

6th: the most idyllic, picturesque boathouse on the edge of a river that one could possibly imagine.

7th: “Okay, dander is up now.” Gundrar said.

17th: crunching down on a pretzel as battle commenced on the STREETS OF RAGE.

18th: “Hey! HOLD IT UP!” “Wha- OW!- OKAY!”

20th: "Good stuff, huh?" "Yep. Talks us up, but not pretentious."

29th: A rolling armadillo swerved off-course with some gravitic calculations.

October 2024 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "Wiggle!" That's all Wiggle says

2nd: "You got NO respect for the etiqutte of golf! None! Zilch! Nada!"

3rd: but this wasn't some attempt at french kissing himself!

4th: She has mastered the art of making completely normal phrases sound extremely unnerving

5th: "aaaaAAAAAAAAA!!" Democurus came screaming out of the theater, trailing popcorn and gumdrops. "IT WASN'T SWEET AT ALL!!"

6th: Pokemon Trading Card Game Island isn't real. It can't hurt you.

7th: Chloe Clothesmeister (I don't have a last name so uh I made one up??? Sorry)

8th: "ACHIEVE RADICAL AUTONOMY THROUGH ANGER!"

9th: "You heard me, Albatrus! Get lost!"

10th: It's not easy to go from 'having a nice time eating chicken pizza' to 'surrounded by a raging storm while stuck in a lighthouse'.

11th: "best friends don't dream about killing one another."

12th: "She's so much more interesting dead, it's like a gift I gave her"

13th: Order Snake- Zoot-zoot

14th: (I get the feeling some really chaotic music ought to be playing right now.) Like this? (Yeah, like that. Thanks.)

15th: Pétard comes from the Middle French péter, to fart

16th: Hell Corgi...IS ALIVE!

17th: The Gospel of Bullets, Gabriella

18th: ...Eh, he can build another room, anyway. Clearly.

19th: Alex honestly looks dangerously smug right now. Worryingly high smug content. Beware her.

20th: Margit has the incredible ability to open closet doors

21st: At least it entertains the Munchkins

22nd: she shouldn't have to help being taller than her (Even though she could) and it really didn't matter much anyway (Although it did.)

23rd: "I knew that, it was just another one of my hilarious joke-a-dokuros!"

24th: The lightning struck...the lightning rod on the caretaker's domicile. Come on now, can't be THAT cliche.

25th: "I never feel quite myself when woken up early."

26th: "Bweeeh, I'm so soggy," cried the corpse

27th: It's like trying to run Doom on a McDonald's menu computer.

28th: "I had to use my cute human girl form"

29th: Plus, that was so anime, you guys. The most anime.

30th: Right now, Vivian felt... Vivian felt... Cool.

31st: "I always wish I could do more for everyone, but if I'm inspiring people to do that much," Miyoi titters happily, "Then I'm happy to have done my part so well!"

September 2024 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "WHY IS EVERYTHING ON FIRE?!?!"

2nd: Everyone turned to her in shock, startling her. "Hey! I don't mean that for real!"

3rd: "What chaos can I chaos up today?"

4th: Shiina's proclamation may almost sound cool, but the effect falls flat a little as she hands Olivia a browned and ragged old scarf

5th: Dias is not the only one making a surprise comeback!

6th: "Oh." Well. That's unfortunate.

7th: Diplomacy had never been an option when pizza was involved.

8th: "My best friends dad was in a vampire sex cult."

9th: ♩ When there's something strange, on a hot rampage ♩ Who you gonna call? ♩ SHI-RA-BE ♩!

10th: Karma the Alligator must really be eyeing his thighs up today.

11th: "SHHHHH."

12th: Oh god, Dia can and will fight god for Hel. She is not the aid we thought she would be. Asgard is doomed.

13th: "Sometimes the codenames they assign us are absurd. This is not one of those times."

14th: "I think I'll go meet boys and maybe get some tattoes"

15th: she made crowns out of flowers and ate a lot of eggs.

16th: "that's had 107 chances to kill the Moon and whiffed every damn one of them."

17th: Boss wants to be weird? Not their problem.

18th: "Illuso get your stand out." "Why me?" "Because I took the call the last few times"

19th: "Nobu!" "You read my mind."

20th: "I think The Great Fly just took you on a ruse cruise, doll."

21st: "...MEN LIKE YOU, TAKE ALL YOUR MISTAKES, PUT THEM TOGETHER IN A PILE, AND CALL IT...destiny, darn it, he's run off."

22nd: "deal with Cucumber before he decides to dry himself the old fashioned way-THAT WAS NOT AN INVITATION!”

23rd: DALI book club!

24th: she poked her and realized Isabelle was dead.

25th: right now, she was content being a hot goth skeleton

26th: "I do get peeved sometimes," she admits reluctantly, "but I'm no umbrella"

27th: She asked herself in a single sad kazoo like note.

28th: The elf healed him anyway

29th: Maybe she doesn't have the speed and endurance to simply cover the whole battlefield in eastern skunk cabbage.

30th: Oops. He got sidetracked. Crim laughs

August 2024 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "WEREWOLVES ARE COOLER THAN VAMPIRES, YA GONKS"

2nd: The Hole (tm)

3rd: "COMING THROUGH" "BEEP BEEP! HONK HONK!"

4th: "That dork?" Jon looks behind him as if there would somehow be someone even dorkier than himself there. "Oh! I'm that dork!"

5th: worried sick over Vrock being more dead than normal.

6th: "Ow, heck. I forgot pain hurts."

7th: "Who would win: a bunch of very angry Kobbers, or, one old bag with a gun?"

8th: Hell Inc. has rustled the Kobbers' jimmies once again and they surely won't stand for it!

9th: Garlic Man calls out as if he was some police officer

10th: #Number15GravediggerFootLettuce #owned #ImHungryForEqualRights

11th: okay, fine, Martha is here. Nobody invited her.

12th: "Wouldn't you rather have something like Virility instead?"

13th: choosing to be a part of Kobber life instead of just being dragged like a barnacle on a ship

14th: The iconic (kinda sorta) Whalestrand establishment

15th: He hadn't been able to contact her, but he'd literally yelled at the water

16th: "Did you just kill the pope?!"

17th: "Shower the pope! Shower the pope! Shower the pope! Shower the pope!"

18th: "but what is a god..." Leviathan straightened up, running a hand through her hair. "...without a devil to oppose them?"

19th: "I hope she doesn't think I'm a coward. I am, but I don't want her to think I am..."

20th: Dawn's setup was rather idiot proof, because she had to deal with a lot of idiots.

21st: "What fun is everything going according to plan?"

22nd: "THIS IS A CHASE SCENE!"

23rd: "I bet he's worried sick about... how FINE I am since I was shot! I'm TOO fine, he says!"

24th: "hmmmst". Coinkydink? Possibly.

25th: She burst out, dead on her feet but beyond happy with herself.

26th: "...I'm not dumb, I can see that you're a skeleton..."

27th: Somewhere, Dawn Cosineau felt deeply annoyed, and didn't know why.

28th: "It ruins my mysterious allure to give away my tragic backstory so easily"

29th: "I mean, I'm gonna kick your ass, 'cause you kinda need it. But I'm gonna be forthright about it!"

30th: "...Besides, you're so terrible at hiding you're a vampire. Like, really absolutely awful, dude. You turn into flying bread in front of everybody. C'mon."

31st: swim away, Useless Goddess, swim away!

July 2024 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "Good afternoon. Can you please get me down from this goddamn tree!?"

2nd: Well... at least she didn't look to have a vitamin D insufficiency.

3rd: What SHOULD this restaurant cluster be called?

4th: Kobber merch you could WEAR? Clearly, this will get Chloe all the customers she could ever want!

5th: "I am my own monster! What a boon this was"

6th: "Could you cut it out? I was enjoying having rights"

7th: "And, it goes without saying I suspect, you are NOT going to use cocaine. Ever."

8th: "order the Angry Miyoi"

9th: "You want to play the BEST pickleball, don't you?”

10th: Sinful had to accept he could not assassinate this landfill

11th: thanks, Zed! He’s sold! Where can he sign up?

12th: "Don't thank me yet. I didn't say a good word!"

13th: She spent the euro on a Cherry Croak.

14th: "Wowww! What are all those HEAAADS?"

15th: The hype was real.

16th: Vegans, don't look!

17th: "No dinero! Where's my burrito?"

18th: "Worse? But who the hell dumps their entire collection of the Beatles on somebody?!"

19th: "THIS ISN'T A DRIVE-THROUGH" "FUCK YOU"

20th: "I didn't know you knew I liked (or possibly pretended to like) chiffarobes!"

21st: Pale Death launched an actual, honest to god Friendship Beam at Attami's chest

22nd: weaker than MAGIC. pathetic

23rd: "Downside is, you start roaring like a t. rex and craving BBQ."

24th: "breasted boobily off into the abyss"

25th: "...Umu." It was a joyless Umu

26th: No hot guys 0/10

27th: ". . . Goodness, Better Bob!  Keep mentioning her  :buttz:and we'll lose our sponsorship!"

28th: "Snikasnikasnika, you're going DOWN Edgar!"

29th: "She can stab them. Or slash them. Decapitate them." "Kourtney, that's violent."

30th: "We aren't going to say we're fine, because being able to say we aren't is a novelty!"

31st: "Just, please no rampaging monsters this time."

June 2024 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: Well there's the danger!

2nd: "I know my teammates have just gotta be awesome, because I'M awesome. Alright?"

3rd: "Are all hot springs like this? I'd like mine with less wolves"

4th: "Ah. I see." Duriel nodded and lied.

5th: "What a sad creature you are, you ambulatory starfish."

6th: Piyori uses 'weeb' as a term of endearment, you must understand.

7th: Nikki- Goth Therapist

8th: Roman is here

9th: There is a burp as Kaydence realizes she's drunken too much

10th: The owl had made a critical error. It had assumed

11th: But time is of the essence? She'll kick in some doors.

12th: Actual Real The Devil from The Bible

13th: What should one do when confronted by falling meteors in an enclosed space? That's a question to which Isadora has no answer

14th: The Brawl Champion's Mentor. No, the other champ. The Other OTHER champ.

15th: "...why does everything you say sound like a move trailer one-liner?"

16th: "I wasn't aware you had become an expert at identifying Shirabes."

17th: "1 Terrae if he wins." (That's not a typo)

18th: her emotional support landfill

19th: "So, let's go-go-gashadokuro!"

20th: "It was great, even if it does feel weird to tower over a bunch of kids at a party."

21st: "Pukin's a good job mate. It's honest work."

22nd: Lieutenant Farstrike (Shas'vre Vior'la Sha'Vah, if you forced him to be formal)

23rd: "It's to feed uncultured heathens like you!"

24th: Crim's breaking rules and making sure to keep everything away

25th: Given the task of describing Maomao Zheng, one could employ many words. Freckled, for instance.

26th: Blanche is missing her head

27th: "When the whale's away, the Kobbers will play. Or at least order Smurf and Turf."

28th: ♓︎

29th: The FLYING DOOR KNOB TECHNIQUE, greatest of martial arts

30th: "Honestly! I expected better from a Ravensky!" "What, being less dangerous?" "No, being MORE dangerous!"

May 2024 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: She didn't want newcomers to feel alienated, so it didn't say Welcome Back.

2nd: They can talk if they want to, but they don't have to. Such is the way of the big lady.

3rd: "Now there will be violence." Julia Ravensky

4th: Sheep's favorite Attami attack -NECK BEAM!

5th: "So, uh… I got nothin’ else except ‘it’s fine’. Might give a better answer later, I dunno.”

6th: "We were doing the "saw a person in half" trick on stage one night when things went wrong..." "The theater got hit by a tornado."

7th: Iliesh looked confused because she was.

8th: it was one of them fancy, self-playing pianos. Obviously.

9th: "...And anyway, that's why we can confidently disprove the existence of original sin. Any questions?" "Uhhhhhhh... a lot."

10th: French in France

11th: "Do you feel represented in society?" "There is very little umbrella opinion factored into lawmaking!"

12th: Peko grimaces as she sees that nobody else has put down a cow. Now it'd be weird.

13th: The north was inhospitable and uninteresting.

14th: "I demand a list of animal crimes!!!"

15th: "Fine. Give me the fucking drugs."

16th: "Ray-dee-OH-laaaaa~"

17th: "Next time, just turn into a loaf of onion bread!"

18th: Lostelle TKO'd - by RESPONSIBILITY

19th: "I hope it doesn't taste like an old man!"

20th: The orb refused.

21st: "Reya, I think we're going to have to kill this bear!" Isabelle called behind her. "...Darn!"

22nd: and it wasn't even a real face

23rd: "zat horrid purple influence that has zem in its' grasp." "That's a terrible thing to call Gamecube."

24th: incredibly light beer

25th: "Paid in bones, paid in money... spend money ON bones!"

26th: "CRRRRIIIIINGE!" She accused

27th: "Fuck." It was a good epithet.

28th: No amount of swears could solve this particular problem Kisha caused.

29th: "I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOUR BIG STUPID CHIN!"

30th: Puck is alive

31st: "What violence?" She asked, tensing. "Violence violence." "Fine, but what sort?"