October 2026 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: That Seth sure is something.

2nd: He had to surrender to them or be destroyed (emotionally).

3rd: She's done it. She's celebrated Halloween.

4th: "They're wonderful! They're ever so adorable! That one looks like Andrea."

5th: There's an undignified squawk as Selene and Francine go over

6th: Well, apparently, he was at least straight Streggin it with his outfit

7th: Mallory... and Jacinthe! The Kuranya cousins! Check out their animated adventures every Saturday at 9, 8 central!

8th: "KO" ...only for the Tirajisu to pull her back, refreshed and without her wound. "OK"

9th: It's October! Or, as the princess understands it, sweets season at Scoli's.

10th: I bet you forgot about Qwiffo, didn't you.

11th: "I feel like a less marketable Disney princess!"

12th: MAGIC, and Kiri are right there with him, chanting "MOTH MOTH MOTH"

13th: "Hey Alexia you're a giant nerd."

14th: It was a truly pitiful throw. Just utter horseshit.

15th: "YOU CAN'T JUST SHOOT EVERY OPPONENT IN THE FACE!"

16th: "Because you aren't the hero. You're just the monster of the week."

17th: Scoli was a very old soul, who had seen a fair share of 'very unusual' things.

18th: "I'M NOT A BAGUBAGU!" She's not a BaguBagu.

19th: "TIFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

20th: Maomao, who has absolutely never eaten anything concerning in her life

21st: IT IS ULTIMATE JEFF!...S HALLOWEEN COSTUME!

22nd: juvenile frippery

23rd: Well, the fact of the matter is... Kiwii had plasma cats

24th: "THE NANI" "Brfsnrfmnch..."

25th: "Registered trademark. Dramatic music swell, credits scroll, camera slowly zooms out."

26th: PHIS-MECH 101: Introductory Philosophy for the Artificial now concluded, we can now turn to tonight's second lesson: Bombs.

27th: Julia...left.

28th: Sometimes, it didn't feel good to get proven right.

29th: That lasted right until the spiders rained down

30th: "'Fore you know it, she's tunnelin' right into the ol' ticker"

31st: "We are going to trick all the treats."

September 2026 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "I thought this was the team that DIDN'T have to fight dinosaurs!" Giulia wailed.

2nd: 'OWO, PROGWESS'

3rd: "...Did I just murder a lady?... Or, manslaughter a lady?"

4th: The world already knows she's a klutz. And unathletic. And naive. And bad at managing finances.

5th: "I could trade like half my brain for half of hers, then I'd be the ultimate fighter..."

6th: "Five Star Crakerjacs Badge"

7th: “KEEP SPACE-TIME STABLE!” the crowd roared, as if on cue.

8th: "So, if you see a horse, odds are it's a horse."

9th: Ectoplasmic spittle flew from Kiri's mouth

10th: Mudtwo approves of this new state.

11th: "saving our tube system means you've 'gone rogue'"

12th: "And Katharina is a stonefaced old lady so you probably won't get many laughs from her"

13th: "You bunch of beggars!... Well, okay. A little treat for everyone."

14th: "I do, if I can remember to remember it!"

15th: Xnihps

16th: How dare you just ASSUME I brought Castti and Alexia to this event!!!

17th: "I wasn't killed! I'm right here!"

18th: "TRISMEGISTUS!" "Bless you."

19th: "PERFECT SPEAR!" because it was important to give your moves cool names, and nothing was cooler than Perfect Cell.

20th: "You signed the legal waiver last time, so you don't need to sign it again."

21st: Hang on a dang second, the mushroom's talking!

22nd: "We already have a system in place for dealing with people. You kill them."

23rd: (iced, of course)

24th: Petra shouts this defiantly at the Thwomp. Thwomp don't care

25th: "Did you hear that, Giulia?! We get to ride the Hundred-Footed Death Maggot to the Sea of Lightning!" "It's a dream come true."

26th: "Artitect clearly lost within godhood delusion. Irritating, but expected."

27th: Kirby is shaped like a friend and should induce more than smiles.

28th: "I would have written a joke for you, but it's not like songs where that would be a sweet thing to do."

29th: "Then could you stop being insufferable about it for five seconds." "Nope~"

30th: "No, I was going to sleep for five minutes and THEN work on a solution."

August 2026 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: Now SHE can be the giant to the toy Dougs!

2nd: "Ice cream for breakfast. The mind reels - insanity!"

3rd: "a possible plot of a more nefarious nature than banal fiscal greed."

4th: It's called 'IN DEMAND'.

5th: Bankrupcy was the stupid prize he deserved.

6th: a rousing afternoon of looking at a whole lot of toasters.

7th: And money was the greatest foe of any artist, aside from perhaps THE ESTABLISHMENT.

8th: "I like Koldo, because he's a professional." "Professional buzzkill, more like"

9th: "Reforming criminals who regret their actions is, like, a top five Kobber pastime."

10th: Arbitration (capitalized)

11th: Ahhh, sports apparel. What a concept! Specific clothes to wear when playing sports. Truly, this was the greatest creation of society next to all the other ones.

12th: this isn't just Scaly Pete - this is Fallen Scaly Pete!

13th: Rainbow was feeling quite a bit better after getting to punch a nerd.

14th: Most concerning of all? There was a floating brain

15th: Helasia sighed and gave him a deadpan look. "ANNOYED AS ALL FUCK"

16th: "Nah. I'm gonna go hail a burger instead."

17th: "MUDI GRAS! HOO HOO HOO!"

18th: She said her name properly

19th: "EEH-UHHH!" The Whomp exclaims

20th: "Remember, I work retail. I'm used to doing nothing all day"

21st: Kenny remained wedged in the wheel.

22nd: "Never want to see that guy's dumb grin again!" he grumbles about something he could at least effect.

23rd: "CHANGE OF PLANS! We got a different place we got to block! No... No maybe we just blow up that tunnel! ...Doesn't change that people know where it is. Let's see... you could stand guard at the entrance! ...But what if they see you and just make a new path connecting to the tunnel."

24th: "Do you have any idea how badly you've had to screw up to make Lobco punch first?"

25th: "Get pet, FARTY!"

26th: "I don't think you CAN vomit."

27th: Jeff has managed to mix up...SOMETHING!

28th: She jumps and slams right into Zoacti as a column of pure syrup, slamming hundreds and hundreds of pounds of syrup into Zoacti to make her proportion of Evil Toxic Slime less and less!

29th: Empress Maple

30th: "Do not say sorry when you mean thank you."

31st: "Carmine doesn't match any other color of footwear..."

July 2026 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "-and then I laughed, eee-hee-hee-hee!"

2nd: "I TRIED BECAUSE I LOVE YOU."

3rd: In the chaos of battle, one could forgive one's aim being slightly off. But the Brawl, a real, serious, life-or-death competition was coming up.

4th: "I stopped counting how many I threw in my basket after four." "Sweet!"

5th: "Hey, Hanya! You said you were a techno... whatchamacallit."

6th: "Silto and Otlis, you came... Tea time is over"

7th: Jeff was the ticket taker. I don't know where he was storing those tickets

8th: "You know, they're lucky." "That they have me as their chef?" "That I have a functionally unlimited budget."

9th: “I pickled it!” “You pickled the pizza?” “I pickled the pizza!”

10th: There's few things more romantic than for two Kobbers who love each other to snuggle together on a bleacher to watch their friends die.

11th: "And leave YOU alone with my rose bushes? AGAIN?"

12th: "Truly, the Kobbers have mastered death. Do you fight to the death for fun on occasions beyond the Brawl?"

13th: "Then again, who wouldn't want a gorilla as a friend if they knew it was possible?"

14th: Binah is here! Binah is (no longer) competing!

15th: "I could drink you." She tells the water. "I could hold you in my hands and know what "wet" feels like!"

16th: We'll keep the name, though. Ninety-nine footed death maggot doesn't have the same ring to it.

17th: She wriggles. Save her.

18th: a weakly undulating noodle Squirtle

19th: Jeff cheekpuffs. WEIRD?

20th: "Lemme just as the gorillion-dollar questions here."

21st: ...or, as those in city hall call it, "Pilot Tunnel #1383D415", but that doesn't quite roll off the tongue, does it?

22nd: The Little Lelementals' trip to Fossil Canyon had been, you're not going to believe this... a blast.

23rd: She didn't know what a Redditor was, but from the tone could pick up it was something lower than dirt...

24th: "Uuu... Why'd the fox looking guy have to be evil?" Aqua sighed. "He can make playmates for me all day!"

25th: "Hope you don't do brain stuff while mixing drinks at the bar."

26th: it's not like Cat Stella was gonna try and eat Bird Stella

27th: "HEY SHOEBY! Guess what? My neck works again!"

28th: more allies than a single sad ninja orphan.

29th: Rodan does not stop eating the moss, for it needs to be symmetrical in his tummy.

30th: they were technically bug compliments

31st: Look at her just... ordering like she isn't a waitress.

June 2026 Ticker Quote Archive

1st: This Grotto is Jeff-approved!

2nd: It sure was a grrrrrreat day to be Doug! :D :D :D

3rd: God put those weakpoints there for a reason

4th: "SHE KINDA HAS THAT [girl failure] VIBE TO HER AT THE MOMENT, AND I DO NOT WANT THAT."

5th: That's not Petra! THAT'S NOT PETRA AT ALL.

6th: PS3, unfortunately, was experiencing the drawback of having Lisa Simpson's hand under your control.

7th: "Watch out, everyone! I'm making a- You know what? Nevermind!"

8th: Cordie doesn't seem to have grasped she's in a pairing yet. At least Mimi has company.

9th: "Do it," said the transformed kitsune, speaking like a wicked empress. "Do the funny shovel thing!"

10th: THERE, FINALLY THE SISTERS INTERACT.

11th: she's rewarded with a familiar, titillating burning. Do her wounds ever burn!

12th: "...Uwah..." She squeaked, an anxious nerd noise.

13th: "Graaah! Sloppy!"

14th: IS SOMEONE TALKING ABOUT BIRDS?

15th: "Tired..." "Not- I'm not bored!

16th: She'd been making her way through a baked potato, but in the moment had to see to her pain.

17th: Her hands WERE powerful and grabby!

18th: Well, look at her and clap.

19th: "IT IS SO MUCH TALLER THAN EVERYTHING ELSE AND VERY... SPIRE-Y. VERY WIZARDCORE."

20th: Yeah, Jessica, fuck you!

21st: "She won't need the robot horse when she's a large dog!"

22nd: "She's a good change of pace. And a good friend. And dumb." "Would you say that to her face, I wonder." "Yes."

23rd: "I have, but I'm curious as to how you'll butcher the retelling."

24th: Horatio puts a whole freaking nickel on the counter!

25th: "She's a good little octopus."

26th: ...maybe she REALLY should have stayed in New Deadwood.

27th: It wasn't even IN HIS EYES

28th: Yes, Jacinthe's magnificent phallus shall be on full display all day long.

29th: "Animal… or mineral?"

30th: Troy looks at MAGIC as if she committed manslaughter. "That's REGINALD KURANYA, MAGIC!"

May 2026 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "A Scoli does what a Scoli does, taking it day by day."

2nd: "Vinyl records and... uh.... jalopies?"

3rd: What cowboy-related shenanigans await her in her future?

4th: <That went well.> The moon said sourly

5th: "...Okay, can you do a bit better than your worst?"

6th: "That's not very Argonian of you-"

7th: The door to the Crown Jewel is pushed open, admitting first... A butt.

8th: Just how large could a chef get?

9th: "Chaos is never late according to Chaos."

10th: Petah, the Chiyari is here...

11th: "have the Kobbers ever had problems with the moon before?" "Well, not our moon"

12th: This may sound like the setup for some variant joke, but it's just what happens.

13th: Mission Control wasn't there to stop him! HE IS FREE!

14th: Then he didn't know what to say, so he said, "Pork bao buns, please."

15th: Perphaps, he'd dust off those rusty social skills and talk to someone who wasn't a goat.

16th: The three Porygons dabbed. So did Tifa. Why am I here, just to suffer?

17th: "Well, we showed him! We didn't go solo and fuck up!"

18th: "Did we always have a grotto?" "Yeah"

19th: And then MAGIC was a toaster.

20th: There is no more dangerous force than nerds having a spat.

21st: Once upon a time Destiny had been a Horse Girl

22nd: "Oh, oh, I am so glad to see we have so many people stepping forward to keep the discussion calm!"

23rd: (Yes, looking at Garfield comics counts as reading.)

24th: "Let's jam, meatsacks."

25th: "It's here I smash it?" "Oh!"

26th: More and more fairies rise to populate the playground

27th: "This is NOT very yeehaw!"

28th: "Why must being known invite pain…"

29th: "Take your bucket of bolts and get outta here!" "Nah, I don't wanna!"

30th: "IS THERE [LORE] TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT?"

31st: "Geeze, just because I can't beat a girl I start calling her queen."

2025-2026 Off-Season Ticker Quote Archive

 December

24th: "Merry Christmas, Meatball."

25th: Three Men (sometimes you just need them)

January

2nd: "You think the town'll have something to do yet?" "Doubt it."

12th: <...We're speaking mentally. How could you have trouble hearing me?>

21st: "I DID IT! Golf Buddies... REAL!"

24th: Her mental picture had been something like the Mines of Moria, only with more guardrails and street signs

31st: Now with a narrow and achievable task to focus on, Kartu lights up

February

9th: "Six seven!"

15th: "GO GET THE RESUME, MISS DARKWATER."

19th: almost all of the creatures and things the titan once called Clane had put together were unintelligent and dumber than animals.

24th: "I, for one, don't want to throw my money down a hole forever."

27th: "No, I'm okay. Muscle doesn't float."

28th: "This is so cute! Or cool, or... however you want me to react"

March

24th: "everything from battles to races to card games!" "On motorcycles?" "It's been known." 

27th: some chump you might have heard of named Heidegger. Yeah, THAT Heidegger.

29th: "Do I not feel like a young bird to you, John?" "I'd say more of a mosquito."

31st: "they'll go looking for some way to d-, uh, go inert"

April

7th: ugh, especially in this room!

8th: "Mmmm… Mmm… Exquisiiiite,"

9th: my god... im ur worm babe...

14th: "get ready to see some true gear-turnin’, steampunkin’ action!”

27th: "The egg continues to confound me," Sage admitted