September 2026 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "I thought this was the team that DIDN'T have to fight dinosaurs!" Giulia wailed.

2nd: 'OWO, PROGWESS'

3rd: "...Did I just murder a lady?... Or, manslaughter a lady?"

4th: The world already knows she's a klutz. And unathletic. And naive. And bad at managing finances.

5th: "I could trade like half my brain for half of hers, then I'd be the ultimate fighter..."

6th: "Five Star Crakerjacs Badge"

7th: “KEEP SPACE-TIME STABLE!” the crowd roared, as if on cue.

8th: "So, if you see a horse, odds are it's a horse."

9th: Ectoplasmic spittle flew from Kiri's mouth

10th: Mudtwo approves of this new state.

11th: "saving our tube system means you've 'gone rogue'"

12th: "And Katharina is a stonefaced old lady so you probably won't get many laughs from her"

13th: "You bunch of beggars!... Well, okay. A little treat for everyone."

14th: "I do, if I can remember to remember it!"

15th: Xnihps

16th: How dare you just ASSUME I brought Castti and Alexia to this event!!!

17th: "I wasn't killed! I'm right here!"

18th: "TRISMEGISTUS!" "Bless you."

19th: "PERFECT SPEAR!" because it was important to give your moves cool names, and nothing was cooler than Perfect Cell.

20th: "You signed the legal waiver last time, so you don't need to sign it again."

21st: Hang on a dang second, the mushroom's talking!

22nd: "We already have a system in place for dealing with people. You kill them."

23rd: (iced, of course)

24th: Petra shouts this defiantly at the Thwomp. Thwomp don't care

25th: "Did you hear that, Giulia?! We get to ride the Hundred-Footed Death Maggot to the Sea of Lightning!" "It's a dream come true."

26th: "Artitect clearly lost within godhood delusion. Irritating, but expected."

27th: Kirby is shaped like a friend and should induce more than smiles.

28th: "I would have written a joke for you, but it's not like songs where that would be a sweet thing to do."

29th: "Then could you stop being insufferable about it for five seconds." "Nope~"

30th: "No, I was going to sleep for five minutes and THEN work on a solution."

August 2026 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: Now SHE can be the giant to the toy Dougs!

2nd: "Ice cream for breakfast. The mind reels - insanity!"

3rd: "a possible plot of a more nefarious nature than banal fiscal greed."

4th: It's called 'IN DEMAND'.

5th: Bankrupcy was the stupid prize he deserved.

6th: a rousing afternoon of looking at a whole lot of toasters.

7th: And money was the greatest foe of any artist, aside from perhaps THE ESTABLISHMENT.

8th: "I like Koldo, because he's a professional." "Professional buzzkill, more like"

9th: "Reforming criminals who regret their actions is, like, a top five Kobber pastime."

10th: Arbitration (capitalized)

11th: Ahhh, sports apparel. What a concept! Specific clothes to wear when playing sports. Truly, this was the greatest creation of society next to all the other ones.

12th: this isn't just Scaly Pete - this is Fallen Scaly Pete!

13th: Rainbow was feeling quite a bit better after getting to punch a nerd.

14th: Most concerning of all? There was a floating brain

15th: Helasia sighed and gave him a deadpan look. "ANNOYED AS ALL FUCK"

16th: "Nah. I'm gonna go hail a burger instead."

17th: "MUDI GRAS! HOO HOO HOO!"

18th: She said her name properly

19th: "EEH-UHHH!" The Whomp exclaims

20th: "Remember, I work retail. I'm used to doing nothing all day"

21st: Kenny remained wedged in the wheel.

22nd: "Never want to see that guy's dumb grin again!" he grumbles about something he could at least effect.

23rd: "CHANGE OF PLANS! We got a different place we got to block! No... No maybe we just blow up that tunnel! ...Doesn't change that people know where it is. Let's see... you could stand guard at the entrance! ...But what if they see you and just make a new path connecting to the tunnel."

24th: "Do you have any idea how badly you've had to screw up to make Lobco punch first?"

25th: "Get pet, FARTY!"

26th: "I don't think you CAN vomit."

27th: Jeff has managed to mix up...SOMETHING!

28th: She jumps and slams right into Zoacti as a column of pure syrup, slamming hundreds and hundreds of pounds of syrup into Zoacti to make her proportion of Evil Toxic Slime less and less!

29th: Empress Maple

30th: "Do not say sorry when you mean thank you."

31st: "Carmine doesn't match any other color of footwear..."

July 2026 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "-and then I laughed, eee-hee-hee-hee!"

2nd: "I TRIED BECAUSE I LOVE YOU."

3rd: In the chaos of battle, one could forgive one's aim being slightly off. But the Brawl, a real, serious, life-or-death competition was coming up.

4th: "I stopped counting how many I threw in my basket after four." "Sweet!"

5th: "Hey, Hanya! You said you were a techno... whatchamacallit."

6th: "Silto and Otlis, you came... Tea time is over"

7th: Jeff was the ticket taker. I don't know where he was storing those tickets

8th: "You know, they're lucky." "That they have me as their chef?" "That I have a functionally unlimited budget."

9th: “I pickled it!” “You pickled the pizza?” “I pickled the pizza!”

10th: There's few things more romantic than for two Kobbers who love each other to snuggle together on a bleacher to watch their friends die.

11th: "And leave YOU alone with my rose bushes? AGAIN?"

12th: "Truly, the Kobbers have mastered death. Do you fight to the death for fun on occasions beyond the Brawl?"

13th: "Then again, who wouldn't want a gorilla as a friend if they knew it was possible?"

14th: Binah is here! Binah is (no longer) competing!

15th: "I could drink you." She tells the water. "I could hold you in my hands and know what "wet" feels like!"

16th: We'll keep the name, though. Ninety-nine footed death maggot doesn't have the same ring to it.

17th: She wriggles. Save her.

18th: a weakly undulating noodle Squirtle

19th: Jeff cheekpuffs. WEIRD?

20th: "Lemme just as the gorillion-dollar questions here."

21st: ...or, as those in city hall call it, "Pilot Tunnel #1383D415", but that doesn't quite roll off the tongue, does it?

22nd: The Little Lelementals' trip to Fossil Canyon had been, you're not going to believe this... a blast.

23rd: She didn't know what a Redditor was, but from the tone could pick up it was something lower than dirt...

24th: "Uuu... Why'd the fox looking guy have to be evil?" Aqua sighed. "He can make playmates for me all day!"

25th: "Hope you don't do brain stuff while mixing drinks at the bar."

26th: it's not like Cat Stella was gonna try and eat Bird Stella

27th: "HEY SHOEBY! Guess what? My neck works again!"

28th: more allies than a single sad ninja orphan.

29th: Rodan does not stop eating the moss, for it needs to be symmetrical in his tummy.

30th: they were technically bug compliments

31st: Look at her just... ordering like she isn't a waitress.

June 2026 Ticker Quote Archive

1st: This Grotto is Jeff-approved!

2nd: It sure was a grrrrrreat day to be Doug! :D :D :D

3rd: God put those weakpoints there for a reason

4th: "SHE KINDA HAS THAT [girl failure] VIBE TO HER AT THE MOMENT, AND I DO NOT WANT THAT."

5th: That's not Petra! THAT'S NOT PETRA AT ALL.

6th: PS3, unfortunately, was experiencing the drawback of having Lisa Simpson's hand under your control.

7th: "Watch out, everyone! I'm making a- You know what? Nevermind!"

8th: Cordie doesn't seem to have grasped she's in a pairing yet. At least Mimi has company.

9th: "Do it," said the transformed kitsune, speaking like a wicked empress. "Do the funny shovel thing!"

10th: THERE, FINALLY THE SISTERS INTERACT.

11th: she's rewarded with a familiar, titillating burning. Do her wounds ever burn!

12th: "...Uwah..." She squeaked, an anxious nerd noise.

13th: "Graaah! Sloppy!"

14th: IS SOMEONE TALKING ABOUT BIRDS?

15th: "Tired..." "Not- I'm not bored!

16th: She'd been making her way through a baked potato, but in the moment had to see to her pain.

17th: Her hands WERE powerful and grabby!

18th: Well, look at her and clap.

19th: "IT IS SO MUCH TALLER THAN EVERYTHING ELSE AND VERY... SPIRE-Y. VERY WIZARDCORE."

20th: Yeah, Jessica, fuck you!

21st: "She won't need the robot horse when she's a large dog!"

22nd: "She's a good change of pace. And a good friend. And dumb." "Would you say that to her face, I wonder." "Yes."

23rd: "I have, but I'm curious as to how you'll butcher the retelling."

24th: Horatio puts a whole freaking nickel on the counter!

25th: "She's a good little octopus."

26th: ...maybe she REALLY should have stayed in New Deadwood.

27th: It wasn't even IN HIS EYES

28th: Yes, Jacinthe's magnificent phallus shall be on full display all day long.

29th: "Animal… or mineral?"

30th: Troy looks at MAGIC as if she committed manslaughter. "That's REGINALD KURANYA, MAGIC!"

May 2026 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "A Scoli does what a Scoli does, taking it day by day."

2nd: "Vinyl records and... uh.... jalopies?"

3rd: What cowboy-related shenanigans await her in her future?

4th: <That went well.> The moon said sourly

5th: "...Okay, can you do a bit better than your worst?"

6th: "That's not very Argonian of you-"

7th: The door to the Crown Jewel is pushed open, admitting first... A butt.

8th: Just how large could a chef get?

9th: "Chaos is never late according to Chaos."

10th: Petah, the Chiyari is here...

11th: "have the Kobbers ever had problems with the moon before?" "Well, not our moon"

12th: This may sound like the setup for some variant joke, but it's just what happens.

13th: Mission Control wasn't there to stop him! HE IS FREE!

14th: Then he didn't know what to say, so he said, "Pork bao buns, please."

15th: Perphaps, he'd dust off those rusty social skills and talk to someone who wasn't a goat.

16th: The three Porygons dabbed. So did Tifa. Why am I here, just to suffer?

17th: "Well, we showed him! We didn't go solo and fuck up!"

18th: "Did we always have a grotto?" "Yeah"

19th: And then MAGIC was a toaster.

20th: There is no more dangerous force than nerds having a spat.

21st: Once upon a time Destiny had been a Horse Girl

22nd: "Oh, oh, I am so glad to see we have so many people stepping forward to keep the discussion calm!"

23rd: (Yes, looking at Garfield comics counts as reading.)

24th: "Let's jam, meatsacks."

25th: "It's here I smash it?" "Oh!"

26th: More and more fairies rise to populate the playground

27th: "This is NOT very yeehaw!"

28th: "Why must being known invite pain…"

29th: "Take your bucket of bolts and get outta here!" "Nah, I don't wanna!"

30th: "IS THERE [LORE] TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT?"

31st: "Geeze, just because I can't beat a girl I start calling her queen."

2025-2026 Off-Season Ticker Quote Archive

 December

24th: "Merry Christmas, Meatball."

25th: Three Men (sometimes you just need them)

January

2nd: "You think the town'll have something to do yet?" "Doubt it."

12th: <...We're speaking mentally. How could you have trouble hearing me?>

21st: "I DID IT! Golf Buddies... REAL!"

24th: Her mental picture had been something like the Mines of Moria, only with more guardrails and street signs

31st: Now with a narrow and achievable task to focus on, Kartu lights up

February

9th: "Six seven!"

15th: "GO GET THE RESUME, MISS DARKWATER."

19th: almost all of the creatures and things the titan once called Clane had put together were unintelligent and dumber than animals.

24th: "I, for one, don't want to throw my money down a hole forever."

27th: "No, I'm okay. Muscle doesn't float."

28th: "This is so cute! Or cool, or... however you want me to react"

March

24th: "everything from battles to races to card games!" "On motorcycles?" "It's been known." 

27th: some chump you might have heard of named Heidegger. Yeah, THAT Heidegger.

29th: "Do I not feel like a young bird to you, John?" "I'd say more of a mosquito."

31st: "they'll go looking for some way to d-, uh, go inert"

April

7th: ugh, especially in this room!

8th: "Mmmm… Mmm… Exquisiiiite,"

9th: my god... im ur worm babe...

14th: "get ready to see some true gear-turnin’, steampunkin’ action!”

27th: "The egg continues to confound me," Sage admitted

Which came first?

 Tap...tap...tap...the sound of a pencil gently colliding with the cool surface of a desk was an unusual sound in this place. It was a small dwelling nicknamed Robot House, whose occupants were all robotic in nature, all of them traveling from the cold wastes of Whalestrand to reside in Argo for at least a year, the most technologically-advanced residence in all of Ulimaroa, made possible because one of the four residents had made it her mission to ensure she could reach out to the rest of the world at any given moment, the one who oddly least embodied the title of Robot.

Sage Robotnik, despite the word being in her name, had never really considered herself a robot, an android, or any sort of truly mechanical being. Certainly she had taken to 'piloting' a robotic form, but her Father had created her as a purely digital being, one with the capacity to command devices like a robotic body, but one who felt more comfortable online. Even now, copies of her carried out tasks, some mundane and others of a more sensitive nature. The primary intelligence though, the one that truly identified itself as Sage and not "Copy Intelligence 67", was currently sitting in her bedroom in a body she'd been given by her Big Sis Attami, and tapping a pencil she'd bought at the nearest drug store against a wooden table she'd assembled by hand from Ikea.

Even in a largely-underground city, you could find affordable furniture to assemble yourself.

It was an exercise in trying to interact with the physical world, one her Big Sis and R. Dorothy Wayneright had both encouraged her to undertake, to engage in the activity that the organics might call "living". Though Sage still spent plenty of time as a digital entity, she had quickly picked up on several quirky behaviors, ones her 'brothers' Orbot and Cubot might compare to their father, Ivo Robotnik. Behaviors like tapping a pencil against a desk while deep in thought.

"You have struck the table four-hundred and twenty-three times in the last hour. Is your current conundrum that vexing?"

The silver platter settled upon the table without a sound, a measure of gentle precision that was only to be expected from the Crown Jewel's hostress, R. Dorothy Wayneright herself. Despite being a robot whose internal power supply was efficient enough that she didn't need to sleep, the red-haired android was still kicked out and not scheduled to work more than twelve hours a day, particularly during the quiet months. Scoli was a cruel mistress indeed. Sage looked at the platter, Robot House quiet once again as her tapping came to an immediately end, instead reaching for a freshly-baked cookie. Indeed, how could a house with a literal eating machine like Attami NOT have a kitchen? The young intelligence began to nibble as her housemate waited patiently for an answer.

"Yes, it is," Sage confessed as R. Dorothy poured her a cup of tea. "The Planeswarden expert has yet to arrive and my own efforts to reactivate the portal in Camp Chicken Coop has proven fruitless. And there is the matter of..."

"That strange egg."

The two of them turned to look at the corner of the room, as far from the door or a window as Sage could put it was...an incubator was perhaps the best description for it Sage could come up with. A large metal box lined with advanced Hoshi Holdings sensors that Attami could acquire from her job with a large cable that emerged from the base that fed into another device that scrubbed data flowing through it like a security guard before information flowed through another cable that was actually hooked up to a transmitter that sent its signals to an actual computer that looked like something from the 90s, a brightly-colored monitor whose sole purpose was to display data for a viewer to write down by hand to transfer to a more-advanced system. Hence the stacks of pencils and notebooks Sage had.

"The egg continues to confound me," Sage admitted, resisting the urge to tap her writing utensil on R. Dorothy's fine silver platter as a change of pace. "Thanks to Professor Margit, it is safe and stable, but I have been unable to penetrate its surface to access the data within. I do not wish to...damage it."

Sage's face scrunched up, emoting something she was used to doing at least. R. Dorothy gently placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. The white-haired lass looked up to see a gentle smile gracing the hostess' pale face.

"Then set aside the issue for now. Your current agitation will not help you find answers. Refresh your body and mind, recharge and take a moment of downtime. Besides..." The smile faded as quickly as Sage had seen it. "I was 'over' your agitation approximately two-hundred and five taps ago."