What Are You Drachen About

PREVIOUSLY...

~

CURRENTLY...

The two blondes looked down on their dark-haired sister, passed out and foaming at the mouth.

"Wow. Saphy usually only gets like that during tax time."

The taller of the two sighed and shrugged, ripping the notice up. "I'll grab the smelling salts. Opal, start brewing coffee."

"Okay, Emma. Double-strong. Three creamers."

"Make it four. And get out the sugar - the GOOD sugar."

"Alright. Want me to call and get a table at VA-11 Hall-A?"

"I know that's my usual answer to everything, but not this time. We'll have to do with this sober."

"Terrifying thought."

~

LATER...

Two women sat around the table looking at the notice that had been given to all residents of their building. Tails twitched as they considered their options, a deadline looming over them.

The tallest, Emma, tapped her temple impatiently, a large 3-ring binder labeled "Olympia Housing Regulation" sitting open next to her. "I'll start looking through and see if I can't find something, Sapphire, but I'm pretty sure they're legally allowed to give everyone the boot. I think the best I can do at this stage is get a hold placed on it, hold it back a few weeks to give myself time to find a better solution, but I'm not too confident."

The dark-haired Sapphire leaned back in her chair, letting her blue tail balance her. "What about putting all our things in storage and using a room at the office to stay in?"

Emma shook her head, her golden locks waving from the motion. "We, uh, could do that, but we'd have to not get caught doing it. We'd also have no shower, so...."

Sapphire groaned until a donut was dangled in front of her face in perfect chomping range. As she chewed, their other sister, Opal, set down steaming cups of coffee, taking a long gulp as she sat down.

"We COULD just find a new apartment in another part of town," Opal suggested. "They're not IMPOSSIBLE to find."

"A place with this much space doesn't exist at this price," Sapphire countered. "And a place at this price is going to be smaller."

"Not to mention there's nothing nowhere this close to the office," Emma added. "We'd have to fly and pay for the airspace, walk, which would take FOR EV ER, or take public transportation and never hear the end of 'such an indignity' from Lord Dad if he ever heard about it."

The three sighed and refilled their coffee...

~

EVEN LATER...

"No, we're NOT closing the firm!" Sapphire protested, slapping her hands on the table.

"I didn't say we should," Opal countered, also slapping her hands on the table. "I said we should MOVE it so that we can maintain an optimal home-to-work distance, which would SAVE us on rent monthly."

Sapphire slapped her hands on the table again. "But your proposed location is in a worse part of town! Most of our best clients wouldn't step foot into that area if only because they'd look poor! WE'D look poor!"

Opal slapped HER hands on the table again. "We ARE poor! Well, not as wealthy as our five-year plan would suggest. This might be the shake-up we need to inspire new avenues of income by appealing to a less-aristocratic customer base! Besides, you can make house calls to the big wigs if you want! It'll make them feel important to have you go to them."

"But I don't want-!"

Emma held up her hands in between her sisters. "Alright, this is getting out of hand! The table's suffered enough and, at this point, arguing about this over drinks will be, at the least, as unproductive as we are right now. Agreed?"

The other two dragons sighed and said in unison "Agreed."

"Excellent!" Emma clapped her hands together. "Jill's been trying to recreate Kobber drinks before they arrive, so let's go be supportive and try some!"

Opal and Sapphire glanced at each other as they were almost-literally dragged out the door and to their sister's favorite bar.

"At least someone's happy about the Kobbers coming."

"Oh, relax. They have rich people with money. Who knows? Maybe them coming will be a good thing."

"We'll see," Sapphire sighed. "We'll see."

October 2018 Ticker Quote Archive

[̨͕̰̟̤͙͉̥̤͇̌ͭ̄͋̚Ŗ̶͔̰̪̲̬̳̭̞̻̎̓ͭĘ̼̼ͪ̓͡D̙̺͍̮̺̺̺̳ͨ̉̌̉̄ͦ́͘͜A̴̳̮ͦͤ̉̓́ͭ̋̎̾C̛̘̥͚͓͇̖̥̠ͬ͗ͨ͊̌́T̸͇̦͍͈̰̠̯͉̻̾͂̉̅̎E̸̛͑̃̓҉̣D͐̎͂̉̓҉̩̭̣̣̬ͅ?]̷̡̲̜̣̟͐ͬ̉ͣ̽͌͜ͅ

edible underwear and spray paint

"THERE'S NO NEED TO WORRY! RANDY IS FINE!"

"I'm Hecatia Lapislazuli." "I'm also Hecatia Lapislazuli!" "And I'm Hecatia Lapislazuli. We're three people."

Technically, this is a Seven Wonders trip.

LASERS, MOTHERFUCKER

"What is September?"

He doesn't have a phone, you silly. :I

"I am a professional. I packed bags of bags."

The armor looks like a packet of Capri-Sun.

Crabtain Phoenix

And best of all, quarter water is forever safe now.

"Don't worry! I'll shoot the alien lady!"

Way to ruin the mood, Prier.

Since his actual salvage ship had been obliterated by a space alien, this was a rental.

Dawn SMELLS.

Do consider joining our webring, old chap!

"Who's actually in charge of Zoofights Corp?"

Stop projecting yourself onto insects, you weirdo >:U

"Hi, your doctor called, and he says you have a terminal case of Go Fuck Yourself."

"The Phantom Thieves are in her head!"

Spray on some paint,Attach some eye lasers... Maybe bolster up its armor...

Don't eat the candy trail. We need that.

"Why, I am just as fine as the sunshine"

"I can go be a SUPER COOL KOBBER... tour guide?"

"Alright, I'm only going to say this three times, so PLEASE listen this time."

His mandate is more flies.

Phoenix is not there, because he died years ago

but all he had to say about it was “…”

the only downside to this is that Murdoc is back

It's all ogre.

Dracoplot 2018

First things first, I think the best thing I did this year from focus on having one big plot as opposed to trying to do multiples in previous years. I had the Labrys side plot that got to pop up now and again, but it worked better for my schedule just doing teasers and ending with the big finale, but more about that later.

Katteloxplot

I'm typing out my thoughts on the plot as I think, so there's not a ton of cohesion here.

As I mentioned last year, I wanted to do a lot more with The Deadly Six last year, so the plot that would've been about them last year was done this year. They got a few appearances last year that set up their antics on Kattelox Island, but scheduling and what have you got in the way of me doing more plot events, the biggest of which was joining a Pathfinder game that took over my Sundays, leaving me only Saturdays as my only dependable plot day of the week.

I enjoyed getting a chance to bring back Labrys to be the "star" of the plot. She did a fine job as the quest giver character, especially since she got to have some extra plot development in the form of her side story involving her dreams and her sisters. Giving her the title of Silver Shroud was tied in more to the angle I originally wanted to do with this plot, which was Fallout 4's Far Harbor meets Mega Man Legends. The mystery aspect of the plot fell largely to the wayside in favor of thwarting the Deadly Six's evil plans and fighting big monsters.

Speaking of big monsters, I originally had more plans to use the Gear Gigant X and its upgraded form from the Yu-Gi-Oh card game along with more involvement from the Geargianos. Trying to squeeze in more appearances from it was hard to do with the limited numbers of events I had, so I didn't use the bigger form.

The real star of the plot ended up being totally unplanned at the beginning: the Globglogabgalab, whose name I had to learn how to spell to avoid needed to look him up every time I did an event. The memeslug kind of appeared out of nowhere, cropping up with his annoying, ridiculous song that really rustled my jimmies when I first saw it. I swore to myself that I would work him into the plot somehow and he stole the show, becoming the REAL villain of the plot.

I knew I wanted to do another callback, bringing back Gentleman Draco's enemy/brother from Season 1, Big T, but originally he was going to be just a ghost who possessed people, originally coming from Final Fantasy X's Farplane to bounce from body to body until he could learn to play the piano. It wasn't until probably after the first battle against the Glob that I hit upon the idea of Big T reincarnated as the Globglogabgalab. Until then he would have used mind control/possession to make Felix help him do thing, get the Glob (originally an innocent victim) to do evil things, and eventually take control of FFX-2's final boss, Vegnagun.

Having Big T be extremely bitter about being a Memeslug was the perfect motivation for him to want to destroy Kuwahawi in the process of hunting down his brother. He got a fine amount of #Comeuppance in the end. I'm especially fond of the "finally squandered his life" line I wrote. :)

Brachiosaurus Dopant was born from an actual Kamen Rider W monster from a manga that was really unique to me in that it was a GIANT MONSTER and not the conveniently-human size that the TV monsters are. It also let me use Gaia Memories as something besides a plot device that almost never got mentioned except as a potential (and intentionally fruitless) way to give Kaede powers.

SPEAKING OF KAEDE...there was originally going to be a different ending to the plot that got...well, derailed might be the best way to put it. Through no fault of his own, Cornwind changed the ending of Dracoplot by having Kaede use a piano to defeat The Centre's human evolution. The original ending was going to be that the Kobbers would fight Suzie, the Deadly Six, and then Big Fau. I ended up combining Suzie and 4/6 of the Deadly Six into one boss fight and then had Big Fau and Big T the next day, with all villains being defeated there and then. Originally, Big T would've escaped to be confronted later as...

...KING GHIDORAH. I teased during the infiltration event that they had Mecha King Ghidorah in their base. The Glob would somehow take control of it and be a powerful boss fight that, for the first round of combat, couldn't be hurt because it had a powerful force field. In order to take down the force field, Kaede would have used a piano.

A piano named Vegnagun. If you've played FFX-2 you'd be familiar with the giant bug robot that's controlled by an organ (the instrument) on its head. It would've been a fun way to let Kaede save the day with the skills she already had. Cornwind got to the idea first though, so I scrapped actually using it in plot. No fault of his though.

Why The Deadly Six? If I remember correctly, I'd watched all the cutscenes from Sonic and The Lost World and liked their designs.

Big Fau got in because Chao and I geeked out about Big O one day and I said I'd have a giant robot/monster fight for Miu to use her Brawl prize against. I'd used the trio of robots used to build Big Fau in a previous season, so I figured why not.

I actually hired someone in May/June to draw the MegaMan Suzie picture, because I liked the combination of Kirby's Suzie and MegaMan Juno enough to want it depicted in plot. She could've potentially been fought during the Infiltration Event, but ultimately no combat was necessary.

Speaking of which, I really liked the Infiltration mission. I was inspired by a Pathfinder Module I'd played years ago called Library of the Lion, where your job is not to kill things, but to infiltrate a secret library and recover information without being caught. If you did that adventure without combat, you achieved perfect success. So I wanted to do an event like that for a chance instead of the usual Dracoplot "go fight a boss" events.

Labrysplot

This gets its own section because it wasn't part of my old Season 7 plans. Once I'd decided to make the Kattelox plot happen the next year, I decided to bring Labrys back as the quest giver, but I didn't want her to do nothing but Kattelox stuff, so I decided I wanted to explore more about her. It didn't really tie in to Kattelox, so I didn't have it crop up during those events.

So I decided to have the "spirits" of her sister units waking up for reasons which, ultimately, I decided were her involvement with the Phantom Thieves and going into Palaces somehow waking them up. The battle with the Meme went through a lot of different versions in my mind.

Originally, the Palace was a laboratory full of the kind of faceless humans Persona 4 Arena had in its backgrounds. Unfortunately, my incredible unfamiliarity with Persona 5's Palaces meant the end result wasn't that great to me. It was cool and tied in to her RP debut though, so I'm not wholly unsatisfied with it. That's a minor complaint though.

The battle was always going to involve the "Shadow" androids, though in one version it wasn't a battle. There would have been the option to try convincing them that their hatred and anger were misplaced with possibly some actual investigation being performed.

Cornwind asked me one night though if Labrys could fall victim to Mr. Down's robots brain virus and I agreed, deciding it was a pretty perfect way to bring about needing to go into Labrys' head. Originally, she was just going to go "Hey, I'm haunted. Go into this TV and beat up my ghosts." (or something to that effect) and Shadow Labrys would just show people around. Having the Meme really screw up her brain providing the perfect reason to need to go in: she can't start up as long as the Meme keeps driving her and the 40-ish souls inside her insane. Destroying the Meme in a battle within Labrys' mind also meant it could be destroyed and she could be cured without anyone going "Hey! This is how we resolve that plot too!" because it'd be impossible to fight that many Memes and keep the memetic virus from coming back to that person.

The Meme itself went through several iterations, even on the day of the plot at first. I liked bringing back the Songbird whistle due to the negative effects it had on her mind, but originally the Songbird would've been brought back as the Meme! At pretty much the last second though, I decided bringing that guy back was a boring idea. Fighting Songbird in Columbia again? Been there, done that! So I started looking for a new badguy, something mechanical and creepy, almost landing on Metroid's Nightmare but Chao used that guy YEARS ago.

I ultimately ended up picking a Decepticon because they were traumatic to Labrys too and I picked one who, in his home series, is associated with Unicron. One black recolor later and Soundwave became a great avatar for a sound-based virus.

Labrys' speech also went through a few versions in my head, but it never strayed too far from what you got.

DeMonde

Minor character ends up playing a large role in Downplot. I appreciate Cornwind indulging me so much on having her investigate and combat Mr. Down. She's kind of unique in that the Kobbers do most of their healing with magic and aren't equipped to fight diseases and stuff, so she got to have a lot of moments with a badguy who seemed tailored to fit her. She won, she lost, and ultimate will grow as a person, I'm sure. It was a lot of fun writing body horror stuff, because that's absolutely the kind of weird science she's into. X)

I planned a lot of her "anti-Down" measures ahead of time and PM'd the entire list to Cornwind about a week in advance so he could build Mr. Down's pre-finale showdown with DeMonde to fit both our ideas.

The plot in general was a lot of fun for me, because the doktor got her moment to shine.

Also, I allowed the possibility of her perma-dying at the hands of Mr. Down to be there if nobody went looking for her. She would've been found later, having left behind some notes and a partially-reconstructed tape recorder. Magic wouldn't have worked because she's really old and it would've failed due to the gods not wanting to waste their energy.

But someone looked for her and found her and saved her. Yay!

Hazel

I don't remember exactly how I came up with Hazel beyond "give generic Plasma Grunt a background." This was in between Sun/Moon and the Ultra sequels, so I ended up tying her background into the Alola region. Goops helped me flesh out her character during the off-season and eventually offered to give her a minor starring role in the plot, even scheduling events on Saturdays just so Hazel could be there.

There's a lot of Hazel stuff I wanted to do but didn't get to for reasons. Like, part of her background is that she used to have a YouTube show called Hardware Hazel where she, Sandy, and Pawny built stuff. A lot of her background didn't come out until towards the end of the season, like why she gave up Pokemon training to become an anti-training activist: she fell through an Ultra Wormhole and found a Guzzlord on the other side that killed her starter Pokemon. I even checked with Goops to see which Ultra Beasts he was using just to see if I wanted it to be something she'd have to deal with in plot, deciding that her being scared of Celesteela and overcoming that fear was good enough.

That death would give her some PTSD and cause her to give up Pokemon training, giving her Gardevoir to a friend and releasing the others to move to Unova, where she ended up being Team Plasma's handywoman, building their bases and stuff with her new Pokemon, with whom she never battled except once, which was more than enough. Then Pokemon Black/White happens and she goes on the lam as a broke migrant worker who gets paid in cash at the end of the day, barely scraping by until she met Celestia, another event Goops and I worked out after he got tired of seeing her ordering Quarter Water and Bir.

Another thing I wished I'd covered more of was what Hazel did after the Colress event. She flew to Ontario with Mix the Kyurem and then....just returned later. I'm going to actually write about that during the off-season though, so I won't talk too much about it except to say that I wish I'd thought of it sooner in the year, because then I would've also given her a Zygarde cell (one of my favorite things about Moon was getting a Zygarde) as part of a bet between Legendary Pokemon to see if a human could actually care about a Pokemon.

Every Pokemon Hazel grabbed after Pawny and Sandy was one she actually uses in my Ultra Moon run (which I still need to finish). I used Pawniard and Sandile in my White run, so they're all Pokemon I've used at one point.

Deb

Deb was a character I'd made for another RP and decided to bring into ZFRP as a support character, an average, ordinary lady with no powers or special skills besides being an engineer. She got to do some stuff though and had her own small arc after the Brawl. Since the Kattelox finale got altered, she also ended up driving the giant robot to fight Big Fau instead of Labrys, who was too busy fighting Big T. She's currently slated to have a bigger role next year.

RPing Stuff

Not directly related to in-universe content, but I did two things differently that I think I'll keep doing in the future. The first was to use my own characters to give bonuses to others. Instead of trying to give Labrys her own attack, I make her assist another character with theirs, turning a miss into a hit.

The second was using my paid time off to attend plots. I did this for Chao's Yorigamis event, part 1 of the Kattelox Invasion, and the Mr. Down finale. Having events scheduled in advance and pretty much always starting at the same time makes it easy to submit a time off request a week or two in advance and take the afternoon off to RP. :)

Cut Content

The Zygarde Cell was also considered as something DeMonde would've found and eventually used to fight a "Clone Zygarde". That particular plot aspect did not get developed much. Just would've been something neat.

DeMonde was also considered as a potential plot VILLAIN at one point, having been driven insane by something like Season 7's plot and prompted by an outside force (Big T) into making Pacific Rim monsters to open a portal to what she though would be her own world, but would actually be the Farplane. Zeldoten would either make a monster of her own or join forces with Irys to fight DeMonde. While monster fights would've been cool, the plot overall didn't seem great and was cut. The Rampage monsters would've either been DeMonde monsters for Irys to fight or Zeldoten's own beasts, taken from DeMonde's home back in their homeworld. When the talk of our next setting, Olympia, began, I considered carrying this plot over to Season 9, but Kuwahawi's islands setting is a lot more conducive to hiding big monsters than a flying city, so I decided to just bring the Rampage monsters in as experiment/pets of DeMonde's.

I've mentioned Ghidorah. Ever since the brief scene last year with Clownpiece looking at Ghidorah's body, I decided I wanted to find a way to actually bring him into a boss fight. I think the way Kattelox ended was better than my original plan though, so I'm not too torn up about not having this boss fight.

I was seriously bringing in Dark Eclair from the Disgaea games to mostly be a talking head, but I'd asked Harpy if she had plans for Dark Eclair. She didn't specify if she did, so I ultimately brought in Magnolia to take her place as a "do stuff, hang out" character not tied to any particular plot.

I feel like I should talk about the Big Zam too. This guy was actually on my Brawl entry for awhile before I swapped him out for "Alternate Dame." I really liked his concept too: the Big Zam would be a mindless vehicle driven by the three Zako Zako commentators who have appeared in the past. They would have been its "assist" so they'd have an excuse to run away like cowards if it got destroyed. I'm sure they would've been KO'd anyway, but I really liked the idea of someone entering a vehicle as a Brawler. I even checked with JRM ahead of time if it'd be okay; it would've been permissible because the operators were actually in the Brawl and not watching from the stands.

One idea I had for a Zeldoten plot this year was someone finally trying to arrest her: two law enforcement officers from her home world tracking her to Kuwahawi to finally put her behind bars! They would have arrived in May and tried, only to be told that they were out of their jurisdiction and needed to fill out proper extradition paperwork, so they'd pop up every so often filling out forms and waiting to hear back. At the end of the season, all of their paperwork would finally have gotten approved and they'd confront Zeldoten and her friends, if she had any willing to say "I know they're cops, but screw them." or something to that effect. Ultimately got cut after bouncing the idea off of Goops and deciding that not very many people would enjoy having to fight obviously good characters for the sake of a not-quite-evil one.

September 2018 Ticker Quote Archive

Gino still lays there ded.

"...Y-yeah. I'm used to it by now."

"Wait, Woppy is down! They can be heroes!"

"It's not murder if you're a good guy!"

"SKATING! Absolutely radical, dufe."

"Hey, this place looks like kind of a major bummer. You wanna get outta here and, like, get a smoothie?"

Probably the worst part was the words she chose to use were "ARGLEBARGLE OR FOOFARAH!"

...Sometimes that golem worries me.

"NO HE'S RIGHT I TOTALLY SUCK!"

(Ataributt.)

He was a magic dragon granddad.

If you're wondering about the chickens...

"We got one voice, bro, and it's gangsta."

Oh, you poor soul. You really shouldn't. You'll just- "earn some heartfelt thanks, beyond what  you were expecting!"

<Can I be a General too?> "Nope!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAA" -slam slam slam slam-

"What an interesting digestive tract!"

"Really?" How did you get out of that one?!" "I didn't."

"Notice me, Shadow-senpai!"

"Please no bazookaing around the island!"

Or, if one got the sun out of their eyes and remained sober for a minute

Cerise offers them an egg in this trying time.

"Other than, and may dear Sonia forgive me for this, fuck you."

"Why, I may be a simple, island mutant, but even I am aware"

fite the pins and needles

Hopefully that was nerdy enough for you nerds to make nerd noises about.

For those of you playing along at home, Eternal Mothra is the final form of Rainbow Mothra

Dia easily crushes Gino with garbage blocks.

Tom rolled his eyes. Discreetly.

"Oh look there's that pumpkin again, ooh so scary."

August 2018 Ticker Quote Archive

"I want to kill you so fucking bad my nipples are hard."

Cicadas aren't welcome here. GET OUT.

"You can’t throw a rock around here without hitting a big ol’ lesbo."

Doo Pie Dur

"Beware of geeks bearing gifts."

"WHO COOKS HER DINNER?"

"I don't think I can do much s)c)i)e)n)c)e with only a pair of hooks and my feet!"

money torture

Hecatia, no sneaky! Hecatia, no sneaky! HECATIA, NO SNEAKY!

"MIGHT AS WELL GIVEN THEM A MAP AND RESTAURANT SUGGESTION!"

"THE DEAD SIX."

"Your kid can't English, Dawn."

http://dracowritesthings.blogspot.com/2018/08/super-spooky-creepypasta-edition-ticker.html

"Hiiiiii Beatriiiiiiiiice."

"THEY DESERVE THE TRUTH, BRANDON"

"HURRY! NO TIME TO EXPLAIN JUST NOW! I NEED TO REMEMBER TO CONSTRUCT PROPER SENTENCES!"

Regigigas pelvic thrusts.

TURBOLIES, LIES FROM THE FUTURE.

"That would be very rude if we saw you got voicemail and just laughed at you for choosing the wrong person to call!"

"I thought I might've gotten you killed. For Ice cream."

"Yes, not even the train wrecks were quality enough to meet their metric."

"I'm just thinking about what my schedule is now that I don't have to plot a murder or two."

"So, wait, this is... a drinking contest. With weird drinks. How do you people even function?"

"But where do you bite a big ol' sea snake to say hello?"

"I'mma go KICK HIS ASS in the name of TOURISM!"

The voice of Li’l Jon was distracting enough that Gentoku’s punch went wide.

"It's a really nice eye."

"Thanksgiving isn't Thanksgiving"

Dawn.exe has encountered an error and needs to close

"My emotional reaction is befuddlement."

"Do you remember that bullshit fite? Pepperidge farm remembers"

Super Spooky Creepypasta Edition Ticker Quote Archive

everyone was happy but then he turned EVIL and killed everyone!

That night, I had a nightmare about being Reimu

Also there was a werewolf.

'okay I have sum fud....IN MY STOMACK!!!!!!!!" then she tured itno A GODZILLA

I can't breathe

moorder

but before we could scremam it said "dont scraem" so we didnt

first - I’m British

There were so many glitches there were even glitches comin outta zeldo's butt.

The monster is on the bed with me.

(he wont really do that but my brother said to add something really scary)

"Mmmmmm that was some CRISPY PASTA"

but... IT WAS CHOCLATE FLAVORED

the DVD had vanished! I would never have any proof of this.

'ALWAYS TOGETER!' i giggiggle and play instead of eat.

That is, of course, until she turned into an aardvark.

July 2018 Ticker Quote Archive

"I'm guessing she's not talking about gang warfare, max."

"I think we might have convinced Keahi that you're a lowkey furry."

"What do they say about your chances?" "Almost nonexistent!"

...my, hasn't he grown?

"I hate them. I can’t stand them. Ruined my last relationship, at least in part. I’d be happy to join!"

Wow, everybody put on their best googly eyes for this one!

Fresh blood is needed.

"I'd like an explanation that doesn't make me wanna slice off my wiener with a katana, but I doubt I'm going to get one."

“Thank you for including me!” Kiibo says, perking up.

*See the Big Bar Brawl Edition post*

"I eat, sleep, and BREATHE video games!!' Y'know, to show how hardcore they are?"

"Like 'Spank 'Em'."

"YEAH! GIVE ME SOME OF THAT! Wait. No, don't give me-"

Kaede's idiot hair fully droops, lying flat on her head.

DUMPED ON THE GROUND LIKE WIDOW MAKER'S LAST GIRLFRIEND

"Eat healthy while you're young." he muttered darkly

burning pink flames conjured from an eviiiiil zippo

"Dang. Nobody's here to appreciate me being alive and cool. This must be how Cirno feels all the time."

Iodine's Isolation Cube Of Starvation And Sadness

we don't talk about the Great Regi Frat Party Of '92

"I had no faith that would work."

Big hugs, big kisses! Is this too much for Zoofights Roleplay?!

"Then behave and fite the nice man! And not to the death!"

Damn it, where do I hire one of my characters to narrate? It's extra work for me...

"PLANESWARENS KIDNAP POOR LIZARD CHILD AFTER MURDERING HIS COUSINS"

I'm not just being a rude boy to precious machine girl.

THIS IS HALLOWEEN THIS IS HALLOWEEN HALLOWEEN HALLOWEEN HALLOWEEN HALLOWEEN

strangely charmed by the murderer of her people.

Missing and hitting the wall? Not on the menu.

"That, or one of our past or future selves is messing with the timeline." "I hope we meet them! I could do with another gun."

"BANG BANG BANG!"

Big Bar Brawl 8 Quote Archive

As the Big Bar Brawl is the biggest event of the RP year, one little ticker line is insufficient to capture its majesty, so here is the Officially-Too-Big-For-The-Ticker Bar Brawl Quote Archive.

~

giddily squirming despite their intimidating forms

Despite being incredibly annoyed, Mac starts to actually sing

Doktor Hanz is slapping his metal meat

"IT’S NOAH, FROM THE BIBLE!”

Globglogabgalab just seems to be waving back and forth

canine’s canines

Back in the Brawl bubble, Globglogabgalab finally leaves his book

taking the sunglasses with it… and putting them on because why not?

“…Here’s hoping it’s not that boring!”

Noah had expected his goat army to repel and deal with most foes

but the samey hallways with repeating decorations only evoked memories of Limbo and lead to a lot of unnecessary backtracking.

the e-book Red Badge of Courage open despite it being an almost cowardly retreat.

“DON’T SAY IT BOB! WE’RE ON DISNEY XD STILL!”

"Probably gets his goat."

“STAAAAAAAAN! THAT’S MEEEEEEEEEEEAN!”

A man in a brown varsity jacket and jeans that have seen better days has sat down. He has also seen better days.

"DISNEY RUINED WINNIE THE POOH!"

“Dirty no good facts checkers!”

Pulling up his sleeves, he marches over, “Pick on the small guy, that’s the way, is it?”

“Is it because he’s a corpse or because he’s also naked?”

Max calls out, unloading his pistol into Nilmates, the corpse-like tagalong taking the bullets in stride and continuing his yarn.

 As if the question needed answering, I guess we got definitive proof that Sam & Max, Freelance Police are better adventurers than someone from the Limbo of the Lost… as if that was ever in question.

Bob says, turning and expecting to see Funmeister ready to comment… but instead somehow seeing Nilmates.

After a few seconds of absorption, Jeffery realized… guns are sports.

“Less magic, more manic!” he says, hoping the line sounded as clever to Jim as it sounded to him.

“HAHAHAHAH! PREPARE FOR A BONESTORM!”

Their mother had trained them well on how to deal with Knack, the kids even playing a video game to see just how weak he actually was

When some other person in the stands shouts that he's blocking their view, he responds by decking them in the face. Cue a brawl.

A crowd of skeletons in the audience rattle enthusiastically.

he could probably stomp the bugs for easy kills

When he heard a “KA-KAKAKAKA!” on the horizon, it almost came as a relief.

And Evolto is still punching people.

"no no no don't cut the feed you gangly bag of garbage"

“Lobster Mobster, let’s show them the power of the House of Mouse.”

Internet nerds got needs.

In the bar she's invaded, Jo'on is drinking heavily.

“FIRE PROOF ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBE!”

"they keep dying to teenagers with personal problems"

“Like taking Dickmann’s from ein kinder…”

Go Packers.

his body unable to even come up with a more creative flavor to shift into as the mutant enters a state of torpor.

“I don’t get it! We should be as boring as public radio by now!”

For a moment, it looked less like a death tournament and more like a construction job fast-forwarded

“Are you saying-“ “Drop that bass,” Gino corrects himself

the energy making her feel bloated and antsy, a feeling she absolutely reviled.

“That’s it? THAT’S the lewdest you can go? Can’t even throw in some fucking tassels, or at least a strap-on!”

Jaws looks up at him, only to see Sam… with his arms on his hips.

Oda hadn’t realized what she was dealing with. The Skeleton King hadn’t realized what he was even.

Prier was trying to cool down after being hit by an ice

“Fite how you will, but the Lord of Bones is the lord of ALL bones, so… we’re cool. FOR NOW!”

blinking her eyes as she tries to push out odd thoughts she was having about taking up tennis or going to play some Putt-Putt after the Brawl.

“Yes! That is definitely why I am challenging you now!"

Kap slipped on some scuba gear casually, “Sabotage isn’t kaiju pressure!”

Risbun sighs, “The five o’clock booty call has just arrived.”

June 2018 Ticker Quote Archive

Gino is enjoying a rice ball after his busy day earlier. "This donut is great."

"SHUT UP, EVERYONE, I'VE DONE SOMETHING BRILLIANT!"

Baffled/10

Just one punch is enough.

most importantly: play sports thanks to loopholes.

but the text above it says CORNWIND EVIL.

"There's gonna be candy and weed and smooth jazz and everyone's gonna walk around naked and it's gonna be so much more fun!"

"...Or is she in lesbians with me? I just met her, how is this even-"

"It's that fucking shark, isn't it?"

if they see a frog inside the cabana, they CANNOT EAT IT.

Circe owed her at least five dollars for doing it. Maybe even six.

"Full name? Omelette Penders."

"CONGRATS ON REACHING PUBERTY"

"Remember those fun fights you had with the police?"

Wrong dood, dood.

"She failed so bad, I exist."

"You thought my erection had dissipated. You thought wrong."

"...all right, I'm a hypocrite." Rewind, play. "...all right, I'm a hypocrite." Rewind, play. "...all right, I'm a hypocrite."

"Who needs an anchor of sanity, anyway?"

she flails about, unable to comprehend COOKIE.

Dovetail isn't a General-chan.

"THE SIXTH SICK SHEIKH'S SIXTH SHEEP'S SICK!"

Vince is here and ready to Vince it up.

"Grab-N-Go stores are almost completely robbery-proof."

Beth narrowed her eyes and smirked. "Are you having Fuuuuun?"

"My buttcheeks are as clenched as they ever will be for this. Let's go."

IT’S TOTALLY NOT A DATE SONIA SHUT UP

It was oddly calming to see a reminder that other people were having much worse days than her.

"The fact there have been THREE Spider Man film timelines in the past fifteen years changes all that."

"Jaws will not be making it far in the Brawl."

May 2018 Ticker Quote Archive

"What is the role of The Nevermind?"

She smiled like a shy paper shredder.

All he got was a "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" in response.

"KU-WHA-HAW-HEE-HEY!"

"local weirdos blow up a different weirdo"

Pls bring packed lunches. Drinks provided.

Ibuki knew fake crying when she saw it, but that didn’t stop her~

"time to either save or arrest a baby!"

"You can just look away and ignore the inevitable crying if you need to."

"Are there other, enemy hotels and bars out there?"

"...Can you please say that again without being...you?"

Ryuji is about to die.

lel disco

"I'd do something but I'm very small and also a cat!"

Yanda, in her heart of hearts, screeches internally

"The only kobbering you'll be doing is in your dumb fanfiction!"

"Excuse me, ma'm, I'm going to see a name tag if you're going to continue laughing maniacally on this course."

"Awww, and here I thought you were gonna say something cute"

"They normally explode nice and clean!"

Instead he's in the middle of a pillow fight. A BODY pillow fight.

"...My ears are melllllltinnnng...."

They have formed a little mob outside the kitchen

You know when you have an itch on your back you just can't quite find the right spot to scratch? It's like that but a skeleton inside of you.

"That's cold, man." "Cold like Jimmy's corpse."

Softly, he says, "I love you, dood,"

"if you die bravely fighting the horrible monsters i'll laugh at you"

"Even if he chokes to death, he'll be fine."

tiny frog pirate adventure

"I don't recall you being very interested in exercise, Nitori."

"I bet ten bucks on this race and I'm gonna reconcile the morality of this AFTER I see it through."

The bar frogs cannot respond, for they are frogs.

2017-2018 Offseason Ticker Quote Archive

"Lovely moon to wander aimlessly under, isn't it?"

The Fazfucks promptly kidnap Murdoc. They have such wonderful sights to show him.

"All will fear the warpath of Tiny Tony Kapponi."

"STOP ASSURING THEM THIS PLOT IS OVER"

"...This isn't a, uh, Hemp farm?"

"I can't go theeeeeeeeeeeeere... I'll meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelt..."

Clash was like most of my jerks

"Belphagor, nemesis of the innocent and despoiler of hope wished to book one of the petting zoos for his daughter's seventh birthday."

"Come on, sniff me!”

Extreme Book Club had shown her what she needed to do

“Not like I’m gonna be eating worms for dinner, so why not?”

"By the way, koi? They’re jerks."

"I'm going to dentist school!"

“Could you keep sleeping on a bench? Please? You’d be doing me a huuuuge favor!”

"Why don't you just-" "Because. That's all."

"And the winner will receive a fabulous prize! ...Yes, that sounds good enough."

There was that horrifying 10 minute pause

"She bought TWO UFO pictures"

Carol wasn't sure if that had been Bad Move Number Three

Man, Lady Luck was mean some days.

Maybe because her brain exploded.

"G-g-g-g-g-Gee Pee Ehs?"

"Cease fiddling with your little earth-friend's bits and get to it already, would you?"

Up in a tree amongst the leaves, Scylla didn't see why Eva liked this so much.

<I'm gonna bite you in HAAAAAAAAAAALF!>

"God, his speeches need work!"

She almost ripped with her heart

The cupcake proved too powerful for her

"I will not engage you in paltry conversation. Leave now"

"we just hired Sarah"

The night was proud of her.

the Teapot had long been abandoned

"You need to move the body."

Nobody was sorry.

"You hired the incompetent?!"

The prison was running low on spoons

"Ahh! A talking cat!" Rin exclaimed

"Wow, I'm impressed you got a whole acronym out of that."

"I made you out of my own goat scrapings in a jar, Conrad, and I'll unmake you the same way."

It wasn't much consolation to him, but it was worth mentioning.

she felt famished and unfulfilled, like a VCR reminder next to a DVD player.

"KUWAHAWI It's More Real"

someone inevitibly microwaves styrofoam.

"Who needs to see a dog spliced into a mantis shrimp, anyway?”

Pupipi

"Now, where should I throw you?”

"Bubblesbubblesbubbles," stalled the man, waving a bathing wand and a pistol.

"Our family tree is tangled enough already."

Hell, did he even deserve his four course meal?

"T-tokiko..." Tokiko's headwing drooped.

"I'm still not entirely used to eating with these teeth"

"Wait... which one's the Archon?"

the haze of obnoxious pink, blue and yellow neon

"More fun! You can see the crocodiles.”

"Goodness, the things she could accomplish if she just woke up, or at least drank some coffee."

No. Shut up. Just go away.

"you're gonna eat your words when we go on our kickass pirate cruise (ಠ ∩ಠ)"

Honor Among Thieves 5: The Gang's Back Together

Late the next day, at an Old But Not Abandoned Warehouse...

Croco snickered quietly as he looked over the haul from the museum. Dozens of paintings and sculptures neatly stacked around him. It was a haul worth thousands if not a few million. All they needed to do was find a fence for all of this stuff and they'd be set for awhile. He didn't plan to rest of his laurels until he was out, but it'd be a comfortable month or two before his group's next robbery.

"Croco, ve need to talk."

The purple reptile sighed, his good mood postponed. His thick-headed 'partner' barged into the cordoned-off area of the warehouse Croco used for an office, prompting him to turn around and smile, showing off his long rows of teeth.

"What is it, Mouser? I was doing an inventory of the loot," he asked, trying not to show his annoyance. "I need to know how many fences we'll need if we want to move this stuff fast."

"I spoke vith my boys and ve vant out of zhis arrangement," Mouser spat.

Croco laconically raised an eyebrow. "Tired of making money? There's plenty of wealth out there though."

"No, zhe stakes are too high now!" the large rodent shrieked. "It vas fine vhen ve didn't have to vorry about being found out, but zhat horn-headed nuisance has seen us, knows who ve are! Once she's out of jail, she'll be coming for us!"

Croco chuckled and draped an arm around his partner's shoulders. "You know what? That's fine. It's been a profitable venture, but you might be right."

"I...I am?" The mouse was stunned, barely able to talk as the two headed out into the common area the gangs were using.

"Sure! You're right; the game's been blown. Nobody will believe we're her gang when she's in jail," Croco answered. "We'll lay low for now, slowly move the loot and get a huge payday. Then we'll go our separate ways."

"N-no! Ve're done NOW!" Mouser sputtered. "She'll talk and the cops vill come for us! Ve're taking out half of zhe loot and leaving!"

Croco sighed and placed his hands on Mouser's shoulders. "You don't have the contacts to get rid of that much stuff in a hurry, my friend. Not discreetly anyway. You try to move that much merch and the cops will get you anyway."

The angry rodent shrugged the lizard's hands off and stepped back, reaching for a bomb. "I don't care! Ve're done vith you! Finished! Ve'll be taking our share NOW!"

That certainly got a reaction, causing Croco to snarl and reach for a bomb of his own. "Don't be hasty, rat. You only got this far because I'm smart enough to know you're too dumb to succeed without help."

The assembled gangs looked on in shock as a confrontation began to brew. Croco's bandits began to draw knives while Mouser's Snifits pointed their faces at others. Clawgrip, the giant crab, skittered about menacingly. Tempers flared, fuses were lit, and chaos was about to erupt!

...then the lights went out, the only illumination coming from bomb fuses. The assembled thieves looked about in confusion until laughter began to echo through the warehouse.

"Hu hu hu hu hu..."

A single light came on, drawing all eyes to the top of a pile of crates where Zeldoten Renstim stood, arms crossed and looking decidedly neither shot nor exploded.

"Hello boys! I'm not interrupting something, am I?" Zeldoten smirked. "Took me some time to find you guys, but I just had to let you know that you amateurs left a job unfinished."

Croco huffed. "We can change that right now. Your little crab cake run off?"

A rumble suddenly swept through the building. The bandits and Snifits milled about uneasily as a second rumble hit. Zeldoten looked incredibly nonchalant.

"Just a small earthquake. Nothing to worry about," Croco snapped, his eyes locked with Zeldoten's. "Now about you..."

"Yeah, about me," Zeldoten repeated. "Well, not just ME, to be honest. You see, you punks forgot something: when you mess with me, you don't just mess with Zeldoten. You mess with..."

She paused for dramatic effect.

"THE ZELDOTEN GANG!!!"

Another pause.

"THE ZELDOTEN GANG!!!"

Another pause. She tapped her foot impatiently, turning towards a wall.

"NIBBLES. I'M GIVING YOU THE SIGNAL."

Two large cracks appeared in one of the walls, letting sunlight in. Well, not cracks so much as giant tears as two massive claws suddenly punched through the wall, slowly tearing a huge gaping hole in the side of the building.

(Original image)
Followed by 28-32 weasels with laser pistols, Nibbles the Giant Friend Dragon Crab ripped his way into the warehouse, towering over the rival gangs. When he shrieked, several bandits and Snifits ran for the exits, only to find them stuck shut.

"You can thank the genius of Doktor Lucy DeMonde for this marvel of Alchemy! I copied her recipe to make my little buddy not-so-little for this momentous occasion!" Zeldoten bragged. "Now, how about a nice surrender and my boys won't have to mess you up?"

She yelped when the crate she was standing on exploded. She scowled, hovering in place. "Well, alright then. ZELDOTEN GANG!!!, ATTACK!"

"Koopa Pack...er...Mouser Pack, attack!" Mouser shouted, rushing forward into battle.

Croco scowled, motioning for his boys to join in, knives and Snifit bullets going one way, stun beams going the other. Nibbles stepped forward and nonchalantly swept his claws about, sending the bad guys flying! Well, everyone in this fight is technically a bad guy, so a couple of weasels went flying too.

Zeldoten facepalmed as she drew her own gun and started shooting, carefully picking off anyone pointing a weapon at her oversized familiar. Nibbles seemed to be doing quite well, his dragon-like chitin deflecting pretty much anything thrown at him. Then Clawgrip lunged forward, getting one of Nibbles' legs in his crip despite his opponent's much larger size. Nibbles roared, slamming his claws on Clawgrip ferociously. Neither crab seemed ready to give up though and the battlefield quickly emptied lest someone find themself underfoot at the two titanic crustaceans brawled. Something was missing though, Zeldoten thought, looking around. When a flash of purple disappeared into a walled-off area, she glided overhead.

"Damn that Zeldoten...I was expecting to have this stuff cataloged before she found us," Croco snarled, searching his pocket for another Portal Potion. "I'll just have to grab some stuff at random and-"

"Try to make a fool of me again?" Zeldoten said, finishing his sentence. "Sorry, not happening."

"Hmph. How embarrassing, getting found out before I could set up my fall mouse," Croco sighed. "You really think you can stop me though? A tiny tot like you?"

"Pfft. You're not HALF as dangerous as Undyne the Undying. Not even a quarter!" Zeldoten laughed as she drew a sword. "Not my usual stuff, but it'll do in a pinch."

Then she got body slammed into a wall by a big, muscular crocodile. The Tiefling groaned as the wind was knocked out of her. She quickly slashed at Croco's hide with her claws, making only small cuts in his thick hide. The croc spun quickly, slamming his tail at Zeldoten's head, but she managed a quick roll, narrowly escaping as she slashed the tip of her sword across her foe's scales. Croco growled and lunged forward, trying to snap Zeldoten up in his jaws, clamping down on her sword arm briefly before she began scratching his eye.

A loud screech drew their attention as Clawgrip went soaring overhead, followed by Nibbles climbing over the walls. The two master thieves backed up to avoid being stepped on, each drawing a bomb and hurling it. Dual explosions shook the room, knocking things over and off the walls. Both fighters gasped and panting, each bleeding from new wounds. Zeldoten was smiling though, starting to laugh.

"Something funny? I can keep going all day," Croco snarled.

"Me too." Zeldoten continued laughing as her tail swung around, holding a small wand. She tapped herself on the head and her wounds began to seal. "Magic wands. Don't leave home without them. Hu hu hu hu hu-RK!"

Zeldoten's laughter stuck in her throat as Croco slammed her into a wall, headbutting her repeatedly in his anger. She choked and wheezed, feeling a rib or two break. She swiped as him feebly, only catching his hat and jacket in her attempts before he slapped her with his tail. She lay on the ground, breathing shallowly as Croco chuckled and picked up her wand.

"Well, as fun as this has been, I really MUST be going. Even the local police couldn't have missed that," the croc laughed. "Now, adieu!"

He reached into his pocket for his Portal Potion and...reached in and...and...he heard a hissing behind him and turned to see Zeldoten holding it.

"Looking for this?" Zeldoten asked.

Croco stepped forward as she held up something else: a lit fuse.

"You've been outsmarted by a Master Thief."

He looked on in horror as the fuse burned quickly, making its way from her hand to the floor and up his leg. Too late, he began to reach for the fuse going to his own bombs and...

Zeldoten covered her eyes and recovered her wand from the badly burned Croco. Nibbles looked down at her, eating something. The sounds of battle were also fading, Weasel Banding looking in on her.

"Ready to go, Boss?" Weasel Bandit asked. "Weasel Bandit's got the airship running and Weasel Bandit thinks the cops are coming."

Zeldoten looked down at her defeated rival and pinned a note to him before grabbing his hat. She adjusted the slightly-singed accessory and nodded.

~

Within the hour...

Lucy DeMonde sipped her tea as she wrote Owen Buckley a letter. He may have disappeared to parts unknown, but she had ways of sending him messages regardless. Mostly instructions to practice what she taught him, requests that he not get himself too killed, etc. Nurse Teacups fluttered into the room with her cellphone, the organic screen showing a breaking news story.

Museum thieves captured, all loot recovered with evidence of other robberies confiscated, findings suggest that Zeldoten Renstim was not responsible for several violent robberies committed in her name.

The doktor sipped her tea. "Thank you, Teacups. Remind me to pick up my alchemy kit after the show."

~

Days later...

"Miss Renstim, Mister Nibbles, your set is in twenty minutes..."

The roadie shut the door on her way out, leaving Zeldoten and Nibbles alone to put on their makeup and get into costume.

"This is it! Our first performance!" Zeldoten squealed, covering up her black eye. "This is going to be our biggest heist ever: stealing the hearts of screaming music lovers!"

Nibbles looked at her with a smile as she wrapped her arms around him, carrying him off to the stage.

The show must go on.

Honor Among Thieves 4: Be Prepared for the Coup of the Week

King of Beasts Hospital...

"For the fourth...fifth...fourth...how many times have I explained this, Nurse?"

<Five times, Dede.>

Doktor Lucy DeMonde nodded at her nurse, the tiny Fairie Dragon Teacups. "Thank you, Nurse Teacups."

The doktor then turned towards a police officer with a clipboard and scowled. "As I now explain for the SIXTH time, Officer Earnestine, I have not had contact with Zeldoten in weeks. I have not seen her in that same period of times and, I reassure you for the SIXTH time, I will contact the police if I do." She crossed her arms and looked expectant while Teacups continued to mix things together.

The cop nodded. "So you say, for the sixth time, but you're still preparing a lot of supplies. I notice you have camping gear here, provisions for several days, boat tickets for one of the other islands..."

DeMonde grunted. "Yes, I'm planning to go do house calls on that island for a few days. I often do such a thing because they can't come here and it's this hospital's mission to do so." She stepped forward and looked the officer in the eye. "I often do this, the rest of the staff knows I do this, and they approve of it. I have had this outing scheduled for over a month and this is the first chance I've gotten since then to prepare my things. I don't want to get there and find I've gotten my Moondew or my Saltpeter." She began tapping her foot. Teacups looked up for a moment and set some bandages aside.

"That's all well and good, but we'll need you to stay here for questioning," Officer Earnestine countered.

"Questioning?!" DeMonde growled. "On what charge?"

"Aiding and abetting a-"

A cold, dead feeling ran through the officer, causing her to shiver. DeMonde's expression quickly turned from simmering fury to frigid menace.

"Pick your next words carefully. That's my daughter you're talking about." The words were like frozen lightning, paralyzing the officer for a moment and causing her skin to tingle.

"A...a suspect."

DeMonde's withering stare softened by an infinitesimal degree. "I have given you my statement under oath. You have access to my schedule, both for the boat and while I'm on the trip itself. I even have one of those blasted celluar telephone things. If you want to find me, you can. If you want to get in touch with me, you can. However, if you continue to unlawfully impede my medical profession, I shall be lodging a complaint with the Kobber Division, who SHOULD be here conducting this interview, and your superiors."

The half-elf leaned forward, getting nose-to-nose with the shivering officer. "Criminal or not, Zeldoten is a Brawl Champion. She has no small influence with the Zoofights Corporation and if I let them know there is an investigation into her activities that is being carried out in a biased and unprofessional manner, I wouldn't be surprised if you found yourself needing to bury yourself on one of those islands to hide from the inquisition that follows, understood?"

The officer gulped. "Y-yes, ma'am. Thank you for your statement. If we need anything else, we'll be in touch."

DeMonde sighed as the officer fled the room. "That was tiring."

<And you only had to scrape her soul once.> Teacups thought with a giggle.

"She'll be fine later," the doktor replied. "Now, there's a few more things I need to get before the trip. Let's go."

DeMonde grabbed a list and her purse, motioning for Teacups to follow. The little dragon looked at a collection of flasks, some full, some empty, and a set of tools.

<Don't you need your kit, Dede?>

"Hmm." She looked at the pile. "No, we won't need it for a shopping trip. Besides..."

She smirked.

"I have a feeling someone else will need it more than me soon."

~

45th Street Pawn Shop, the next morning...

A squad car parked on the curb by a small, worn-out shop. Inside, two police officers interviewed the proprietor, an older gentleman with a small hunch.

"Yes, sir, I found the locks broken when I got in this morning, but there wasn't anything missing except for two things that recently that got dropped off: a rapier, which I registered when I acquired it, and a set of chainmail. They left the electronics, the jewelry, the money...they did leave a note though."

The old man reached into his pocket and handed the officer a note.

"Needed this now, not later. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Also, you've been robbed by...

...

...

...A MASTER THIEF!

-Z.R.

P.S: Hu hu hu hu hu!"

~

Treasure Island, at some point between then and later...

"Hey, Weasel Bandit. Got a message for you."

Weasel Bandit looked up to see Weasel Bandit walking over with the hideout's cordless phone.

"Why aren't you telling Weasel Bandit or Weasel Bandit? They're on duty."

"Weasel Bandit said Weasel Bandit is lost in the basement and Weasel Bandit took Weasel Bandit to a doctor's appointment."

"Dammit. Weasel Bandit is supposed to be doing that stuff today. We have schedules for a reason! We're not animals!"

"Well..."

"Never mind. What's the message?"

"The boss has orders for us."

Honor Among Thieves Part 3: Hu Hu Huge Trouble

Zeldoten sighed as more and more cops began pouring into the museum. She started to reach for her belt when shots were fired, one deflected away from her by her bullet shield. To her dismay though, one deflected into her belt, tearing through it, while the other shattered her wand. She scowled and grabbed one end of the belt.

"This just isn't our night," she muttered, hurling the entire belt at the police.

Vials shattered, the contents mixing together. Harmless on their own, mixing together had the effect of letting out a foul-smelling haze, filling the room with caustic fumes. As the officers began to cough and rub their eyes, unprepared for a chemical attack, Zeldoten managed to heave the half-conscious Nibbles onto her back, staggering away as quickly as she could.

"Come on, buddy. Wake up!" she grunted, managing to get a decent run going.

In the distance behind her, the thief could hear more cops entering the building, though they mostly stopped to hack and wheeze. As nice a distraction as it was turning out to be, Zeldoten couldn't help but curse. The loss of her alchemical tools and extracts would make escaping difficult at best, especially with a Giant Friend Crab to carry. She wouldn't leave him behind though even if it meant have to fight all the cops with her bare hands. Fortunately, he began to stir.

"Glad you're back with me, Nibs," Zeldoten said. "Turn small whenever you want."

She groaned as she began stagging up the steps. The entrance would be too well guarded and likely any fire exits would soon be too. Nobody would expect her to go further away from entrances and exits though; precious seconds or even minutes for her to plan an escape. Her burdens began to ease though as Nibbles returned to his normal size, assimilating into her shoulder. She smiled and patted her familiar, now able to run at full speed. Angry voices were echoing from where she'd been though; her smokescreen was no longer effective for reasons she wasn't going to find out anytime soon, so she continued running, quickly ducking into an exhibit room.

She examined her surroundings, seeing a window big enough for her to fit through. The sounds of approaching law enforcement made picking the lock unfeasible. She needed at least a minute without any tools to work with. Escape seemed out of her reach, so she looked about for a weapon.

Trash bins...bolted down. Benches...too heavy without Nibbles and he wasn't in good shape. Rope barricades...potentially. She quickly hefted one of the metal poles holding the velvet ropes. Not too heavy, it'd be a good club. Zeldoten decided she'd rather flight than fight though.

Hmm...flight...

He tested the pole again. Yeah, it'd work. It'd work REAL good.

In another life, Zeldoten could have been a decent javelin thrower. Her mentor had taught her the art of a good throwing arm and, after years of practice, she could Throw Anything. The pole launched towards the window as the police were finally catching up. Glass shattered loudly, sending shards of glass falling to the crowd. Without a moment's hesitation, the Tiefling charged towards the window.

"FREEZE! KUWAHAWI PD!"

Zeldoten didn't even look back, too focused on her escape. Metal slid against leather as an officer drew his weapon, firing a shot. This time, she wasn't so lucky, taking a hit to her arm as she leaped out the window. She hissed as glass ripped into her, spilling blood as she plummeted...

...

...

...

Her wings unfurled as she pulled out of her dive. The cops had only brought squad cars and the SWAT team was only just pulling up. A few officers on the ground fired upwards, striking the tip of her wings, but Zeldoten flew onward and upward into the night sky, her dark form silhouetted by the city lights as she began to search for sanctuary. An aerial response would surely be coming now that at least one unit had seen her flying away. Up and up, block after block, she soared overhead, letting people see her cruise towards Hydro City, turning around once she felt she was unseen. Now it was just a matter of finding a place to hide...

~

Twenty minutes later...

"No, I don't like it in here either," Zeldoten sighed quietly. "I spend entirely too much time in these things."

Her situation stunk, figuratively and literally. Once she'd gone to ground, the thief had dove into the first dumpster she could find, using a claw to slice open a trash bag enough to fit inside. She could still hear sirens, though the only people to actually open up her dumpster had barely dug through before deciding it was too gross to hide in. Lucky her.

Nibbles' eyestalks barely protruded from Zeldoten's shoulder, the crab not wanting to actually be in the dumpster with her. She panted and gasped as she dug about, deciding it was safe enough to actually make some noise, eventually finding a glass bottle.

"Yuck. I hate this. I hate this SO MUCH," she grimaced. "I wish I was back with the tour group hanging out with Ibuki's roadies and drinking."

Drastic measures had to be taken though. She was too injured to sleep off her wounds, especially in a filthy place like this. She gagged slightly as she put the glass bottle in her mouth. She'd need it as she stuck one of her claws in her leg and-

~

"That was horrible," she muttered.

Healing magic from her concealed Infernal Healing wand began to patch up her wounds, including her leg. She'd need a few more charges to be back at 100%, but situations like this were why she had hidden the wand in such an...unconventional hiding spot.

"Just a few more minutes, Nibs," she promised. "Then we'll get out of here."

The crab's eye stalks wibbled inquisitively.

"No, we're not giving up on this. Not yet," Zeldo sighed as she shook her head. "We're down, but not out."

Nibbles lifted one claw into the air. Zeldoten smiled and bumped it with her fist.

"That's right, we're The Zeldoten Gang!!!," she laughed. "We've been in worse situations. We'll get out of here, regroup, and get back at that leaping lizard and his rat pack."

Honor Among Thieves Part 2: Night at the Museum

King Bima Tri Maui Agus Art Museum

"Attention patrons: the museum will be closing in one hour."

~

"Attention patrons: the museum will be closing in thirty minutes."

~

"Attention patrons: the museum will be closing in ten minutes."

Zeldoten grumbled, listening to the announcement. She, disguised as a Mysidian tourist, had been touring the museum all afternoon, growing frustrated at all the valuable paintings she couldn't steal without blowing her cover and ruining her own plan. She'd even had that lunch AND dinner at the place's overpriced cafè. She'd even walked through the entire place TWICE, seeing a few other potential thieves and an undercover police officer, the latter of whom she'd actually chatted up a bit in a small wing devoted to Kobbers.

She was dismayed to notice there were no portraits of herself, but a rather large one of that elf. It wasn't even that great; the canvas added about ten pounds. No, she WASN'T jealous.

In any case, she considered using an extract to turn herself invisible, stalk the museum further to see if her quarry would come. She quickly pulled out her museum map and began examining it next to a small map of the city streets.

"Why haven't they showed up yet?" she pondered, trying to be discreet. "If they're going to attack now, it needs to be along the periphery of the museum on the bottom floor..."

Her finger traced the perimeter, Nibbles discreetly looking as well from her collar. Lobby, gift shop, the Kobber exhibit...there! 17th Century paintings of Kuwahawi, displayed along the south side of the museum next to an alleyway. Easy to access, sufficiently discreet, and, of course, right next to the valuables. She slipped behind a pillar out of sight, going unseen until she wanted to be seen.

~

15 minutes past closing...

Museum visitors were all gone, in this wing at least. Zeldoten and Nibble were, at last, alone. The Perfectly Normal Crab came out of hiding and began to skitter around.

"Don't go too far," Zeldoten cautioned. "They still have their cameras. They're pointed at the floor though, so..."

She drank another extract, gaining the ability to climb up walls, finding herself a nice perch at the top of a pillar to wait. If her instincts were correct, she wouldn't have to wait long to get a drop on her enemy. If they weren't, well, they could swipe some overpriced bottles of water from the gift shop and try again after creating some more disguises...and running to Treasure Island to pick up funds.

Yet within minutes, her instincts were proven correct. The roars and growls of automobiles passing by had been at a constant volume before, but the thief's trained ear was picking up something louder, bigger. Something like her own armored truck. And it was approaching fast.

With a loud crash, pieces of wall went flying across the exhibit, knocking over displays, damaging protective cases, and destroying a fire escape. Zeldoten tensed and she reached for a weapon. At least, the thieves were making themselves known! Indeed, the sides of the truck, which looked identical to hers, began to open up...



What the heck were these things? Little guys in hoods with huge bags and robed weirdos in gas masks? They really were thieves though, piling up all kinds of things into their truck. Sadly, this didn't mean that they were HER thieves though.

"Load up zhe loot, you idiots! Zhe cops are on zheir vay! Ve'll make zhem look like fools zhough; nobody can catch Zhe Zeldoten Gang! Gya ha! Gya ha ha!"

The real Zeldoten glared as another costumed figure emerged from the truck in an ill-fitting robe that show off his....EARS? Okay, this was the real insult, she thought, watching this strange person emerge.



"Load up everyzhing into the zhe truck! Ve'll live like KINGS!"

She gave him credit for at least having a tail, but she didn't sound like that and she sure as Hell didn't look like a giant mouse! He didn't even show the right level of enthusiasm when saying "The Zeldoten Gang!!!". And the way he was just blatantly announcing things AFTER his gang were already loading the truck? It HAD to be a show.

She looked Nibbles in the eye and descended dropping to the floor. One of the bag men and a gas mask guy turned in her direction, not seeing her yet. They shrugged and turned away until they fell over, having been bombed from behind.

THAT got everyone's attention. Her spell wore off, revealing her presence.

"Well, well, well...The Zeldoten Gang!!! robbing a museum without even inviting me, ZELDOTEN?" she purred. "How rude of you!"

The giant mouse gasped and sputtered. "N-no, I'M Zeldoten! See?"

Zeldoten was expecting surprise, certainly, but she wasn't expecting the guy to actually toss a bomb at her! Nibbles grew into his battle mode, absorbing the blast.

"Hu hu hu hu hu! Well done, my friend!" Zeldoten chuckled as she drew a dagger. "Let's get...hmm...what WOULD we be getting right now? Revenge? Aggressive?"

"DEAD!" the mouse bellowed. "SHOOT HER!"

Another surprise: the gas masks were...um...spitting bullets at the real deal, cracking Nibbles' shell as the duo ducked behind a pillar. The barrage went on, bullets ricocheting off the stone pillar as they slowly chipped away at it. It was their turn to be caught off-guard as an invisible Giant Friend Crab suddenly became visible and began clubbing them with his big, meaty claws.

Zeldoten herself danced about, tossing bombs of her own and trying to avoid a sudden rain of knives being thrown her way. She even managed to blow a wheel off the truck, preventing her enemies' escape. Mouse Man was quickly rushing towards her though, throwing several bombs. The Tiefling gritted her teeth as some paintings exploded; this was getting out of hand.

It got even more out of hand when MORE gang members poured out of the truck, including an angry-looking Nibbles doppleganger!



The two Brawl Champs quickly regrouped, Zeldoten trying to drive her diminuative dagger into the false crab's shell as Nibbles grappled with it. Some quick Bullet Shield enchantments on the two helped protect them from the incoming fire, but they were stuck, Nibbles pinned in a grapple and Zeldoten unwilling to leave him to save herself. She even resorted to pulling out a crossbow to pick off attackers.

Then the crab backed off, giving Zeldoten a moment of hope.....until another bomb rolled up to Nibbles. The Tiefling shrieked when the explosion threw both of them into the air and into a heap, surrounded by enemies. Angry bandits surrounded the master thieves, knives and bullets being readied until someone snapped their fingers.

The ring of enemies parted as a new bandit stepped forward, flanked by the mouse and the crab. A dapper-looking reptile tipped his top hat as he grinned.



"Allow me to introduce myself, Zeldoten Renstim," the reptile drawled. "The name's Croco, a REAL master thief and the leader of this gang."

Zeldoten started to rise, her body racked with pain from a heat and force greater than she could resist. Nibbles gurgled next to her and twitched.

"As you may have somehow surmised, yes, we're imitating you and committing lots of great crimes in your name."

Zeldoten spat at Croco's spats and almost had her head crushed by the crab. The slow-talking gangster, put a hand on the crab's shoulder, stopping him.

"Now now, Clawgrip, let's not be rude," Croco chuckled. "We can't have the world-famous leader of The Zeldoten Gang!!! be found dead during a heist. That just gives the police more questions to answer."

Zeldoten grinned. "The cops will have all the answers they want when they find us here. Your truck's ruined and I can hear the sirens."

Croco tut-tutted and reached into his bag, pulling out a large potion.



"You know what this is, you little fraud?" Croco asked. "Probably not. You win one little fight by accident and your ego's outpaced your ability."

The purple reptile tossed glass bottle to the side and where it shattered, a big red door appeared. The bandits began to rush from the truck and through the door, carrying their loot into the unknown. The mouse and the crab went through with all the other members of their gang, leaving Croco alone with Zeldoten and the barely-aware Nibbles.

"Thanks for being a wonderful scapegoat, Zeldoten," Croco said, tipping his hat. "We might be able to retire for awhile off of this heist and nobody will ever suspect it."

The crocodile's laughter echoed through the museum until he shut the door, the portal magically disappearing as he did. Zeldoten growled and slammed her fist onto the floor. Not only had she been outplayed, but insulted on a professional level as well! She stood up, reaching into her own bag for some healing items.

"Dammit. We had them too!" Zeldoten growled, fishing out a Cure wand. "We've got a lead at least. We'll just-"

She paused suddenly as the sirens grew louder and dozens of armed officers began to appear through the hole in the wall, pointing their guns at her.

"FREEZE!"

Honor Among Thieves Part 1: Highway Back to Hell

National 25 en route to Kuwahawi City

Zeldoten sighed as she watched the green-and-yellow highway sign go by again. Several lanes on either side of the large road back to the Kobbers' city of choice in the nation of Kuwahawi, but it was blissfully devoid of life. The getaway vehicle of choice for the two master thieves' wasn't completely unique in that part of the world, but it was both extremely rare and stuck out in even the biggest crowd. The Tiefling groaned; they'd have to abandon it somewhere safe before hitting the city and then hitchhike, fly, or walk to the city.

None of the options sounded good. Telling Nibbles about it would be even worse.

Every once in a while, an eyestalk would turn towards her expectantly. The crab knew a talk was coming; he just didn't know when. Zeldoten glanced back and sighed.

"Okay, you're right. We should have talked to Dean before running off," Zeldoten admitted, breaking the silence. "Now it looks even more like we're guilty."

Nibbles nodded.

"And...um...we also need to ditch the car somewhere safe. We can't be seen driving into town."

It was the familiar's turn to indicate unhappiness, slumping over slightly as he signaled a lane change, the car pulling off onto the next ramp. The street they were getting onto led towards a forest, perfect for hiding the vehicle.

"Don't you worry," Zeldoten said, patting her partner's carapace. "I'll text Sumireko to take care of it for us." She paused, thinking. "I'll text Miss Celestia. She'll keep it safe."

The duo grabbed all of the equipment they thought they'd need from the trunk of the car and hid the key to the vehicle. A quick text of the hiding place later and the two were back on the road, lurking in the shadows near the road back to town.

~

Nobody paid the teenage girl a second glance as she walked down the street with her Shimmer backpack. As long as she looked ahead and acted like the headphones in her ears were actually playing music, nobody would suspect her of being Zeldoten Renstim, not with the appearance-altering enchantment she had on.

"Alright, looks like the magic hat is working," Zeldo quietly muttered. "And even the Kobber cops don't know how to check for magic yet."

The duo serenely walked through town as they patrolled for their unknown enemy's presence. Zeldo's cell phone had run out of juice on the long walk into town and she'd have to break into an unused building to get time to rest and charge it. It was actually a bit thrilling, being back on the streets practicing old school thievery instead of sitting in the lounge waiting for people to give her de facto permission to rob people they didn't like. She HAD stopped by a hotel though - not the King of Beasts - to grab an armful of pamphlets, looking for notable locations that screamed "ROB ME".

Museums, theme parks, casinos, shopping centers...she poured over all of them while waiting at a McDonald's, as un-Kobber a place to eat as existed, in order to look through them all. The theme parks and shopping centers were instantly set aside; neither had sufficient concentrations of valuables to make the kinds of raids her imposter was making worth while. Why crash a truck through a wall or fence to rob a cheap carnival game or go up and down a concourse looting multiple stores? She didn't even bother considering zoos; animals might be valuable, but there was no way robbing a zoo could be possible with the resources she'd read her adversary having.

She also ruled out the casinos. They had large concentrations of wealth, but they also had a lot of their own security. The tech boom in the region caused by Azure Sea becoming Par Sea and investing in smaller companies had caused a lot of casinos to be able to acquire advanced security systems and even some Kawashiro non-lethal weaponry for affordable prices; they'd turned robbing the casinos into their own kind of gamble.

That left the museums. Underfunded public institutions that couldn't dream of affording better protection than some retired or off-duty cops doing part-time supplementary work. She started looking at the museums in earnest; one of them would almost certainly be the target. Or a bank would and she'd be wrong; that was certainly possible, but all the banks she'd been at were now packing advanced protection too after her own robbery attempt.

Science and technology were out. Their exhibits were more for education and demonstration and were unlikely to be in demand outside of where they sat. Natural history was a bit more likely; plenty of old, local artifacts. Exhibits provided by local groups under the sponsorship of the sage Wicasa though; anyone who knew the man - Zeldoten included - knew he was an intelligent holy man and probably had some kind of magics to protect the items under his stewardship, so she crossed that location out. A planetarium was ruled out, as was a museum of anthropology and arthropodology.

That left the art museum: likely an underfunded public institution full of valuable artworks that unscrupulous wealthy folks would pay a lot of money to have hanging on the walls of their homes for their exclusive enjoyment. Easy to transport, easy to fence. Zeldoten wiped a bit of drool from her chin; maybe she could find their buyers later and engage in some old-fashioned cat burglary for old times' sake. But no, now was not the time for a quick heist. Now was the time for action! Now was the time to save her reputation! Now was the time-!

"May I take your order?"

Zeldoten looked up. The line had emptied while she'd been looking at pamphlets.

"Um, yeah, I'd like a, uh, Combo #5 please."

Now was the time to order lunch.