July 2021 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: Conveniently, ‘that Fern girl’

2nd: "Wow, now there's a face that could curdle a cow!"

3rd: Coffee Dad also knows his way around cocktails

4th: It's the Fourth of July! Which didn't amount to hill of beans in the minds of the average Agama population

5th: Ard was eating a sandwich.

6th: "Brunch! Brunch! Brunch!"

7th: "Ugh. Tentacle tongues."

8th: weaPENized

9th: DOES ANYONE DARE TO CHALLENGE THIS MIGHTY WOMAN?

10th: "Ask what it’s like to be captured and torn up as food for that insect."

11th: "I thought I knew what the city had to offer, but I really didn't."

12th: Dr. Blooper is VERY OFFENDED!!!

13th: "You can fawn over how selfless I am"

14th: "Stop that! Stop suggesting fire!"

15th: New Discovery! This cheery music is highly unfitting!

16th: "I mean, it was like they were locked together by the lips, just, black hair and tentacles everywhere..."

17th: "Fight's over!" Melba cuts off mid-shriek, blinking. "You were too slow! Go home!"

18th: Neptune is busy flopping around.

19th: It's green. Not rainbow colored.

20th: "If I get turned to dust here, just sweep me up"

21st: She wants megavitamins.

22nd: Oh no! How will Annie be bullied THIS time?! What tragic yet kinda funny fate will befall her next?!

23rd: It's like a whole kindergarden party, except we're all adults here!

24th: Actual Alien Jennifer Smith

25th: "If you don't know your birthday, I got an idea. Whenever you have that new body ready, THAT will be your birthday, and we'll have a nice big cake ready for you then too!"

26th: There's no particular rhyme or reason to Raiko

27th: It might seem a little desperate, given he's got a cowboy hat slung over his back

28th: Holy carp.

29th: 99% of worshippers can't solve this puzzle!

30th: The good news is, Sally

31st: "THERE WILL BE NO DOG MURDER IN THIS HOUSE!"

Blue Moon

 Erebus Station, planet Longone...

"Coyote, this is ground control...uhhhhhh...you know the colony ship's leaving in a few days, right?"

The Raleigh mech, which had been making its way out of the base and towards the wildness of Longone paused, turning to look up at the control tower that oversaw arrivals to and departures from the planet's largest spaceport. With a sigh, the pilot flicked on her radio, waving up at the tower.

"Ground control, this is Coyote. Yeah, I remember," the pilot answered, turning off her music for a moment. "I cleared it with the captain. The ship leaves in four days and I'm not needed until shortly before to get my machine loaded and stowed. I'm just taking a quick camping trip."

"Camping? When you're going to whole different planet? Camp there!"

Kathryn "Coyote" Gordon snorted and turned her mech around, continuing its trek. The blue robot wrapped its cloak around itself and its precious bundle of camping supplies.

"I may never get back here, Ed, and you know how much I love it out here," Kathryn retorted. "It's just going to be quick! Do some hunting, hike a bit. No rafting this time; can't afford the broken arm."

Tolerant exasperation emerged from the radio with some resigned laughter. "Alright, but you'd better bring me back a share of whatever you shoot."

"Wouldn't dream otherwise. See you later, Ed."

"Bye, Kathryn."

~

"Blue moon, you saw me standin' alone

Without a dream in my heart, without a love of my own

Blue moon, you knew just what I was there for

You heard me sayin' a prayer for

Someone I really could care for"

Kathryn sighed as she listened to her favorite song again. An old song from Cradle, its origins lost beyond the original being recorded during the 20th century almost 13,000 years ago. She'd even named her precious Raleigh after it. Blue Moon, the robot, kept trundling through the wilderness on autopilot as Blue Moon, the song, continued to play.

"And then there suddenly appeared before me

The only one my arms will hold

I heard somebody whisper "please adore me"

And when I looked, the moon had turned to gold"

She'd gone through three or four music players in her life, managed to wear them out after years of quality listening experiences. She listened to other things too, of course, but this was always the song she came back to, the song that never failed to calm her emotions. She looked up at a counter on the little device, showing how many times she'd listened to it since leaving Erebus Station.

"Blue moon, now I'm no longer alone

Without a dream in my heart

Without a love of my own"

Only a hundred times so far. Maybe it only seemed like more because of where she was going, where she knew she wasn't likely to get back to any time soon. Kathryn sighed and reached under her seat as she watched the GPS tick by slowly and rapidly at the same time. She'd be there soon. Home. If it could still be called that. She shivered at memories she couldn't hold back much longer, pulling out a bottle to look at. Her father had been saving it for a special occasion once. Well, that occasion had come, hadn't it?

The scorched earth that was once the Gordon Homestead was quiet and still, the years not having been kind to the ruined home, the obliterated barn, or the devastated shed. Three small, metal markers had weathered the years though, made from some of Blue Moon's armor so long ago after she'd first gotten it.

Antonio. Charleen. Emma. Her parents and her sister, lost to a bandit raid God knows how many years ago.

"Hi Pa, Ma, Em...I'm home," Kathryn said, sitting down and cradling the bottle gently in one arm. "I know I'm a month or so early, but I'm shipping out soon. Got myself a plot on a planet called Brion 45. Kinda reminds me of here, but...well...it's not here."

The Lancer sighed and pulled out a few glasses. Nothing too fancy, but durable. She set one in front of each of the markers and took one for herself, filling them up as much as possible from her father's cherished wine, one of the few things that had survived the raid on their home.

"I'm gonna miss this world, I'm gonna miss you. God knows I've been missing you for long enough," Kathryn continued, eyes getting a bit puffy. "But it's time to start over. I'm not exactly taking over the family farm like you wanted, but I can't stay. The land's poisoned and it hurts too much to look at it."

Kathryn took a sip from her glass as she looked around her, seeing nothing but memories welling up within her, of chores and celebrations, of times good and bad. Learning how to drive her father's old Everest, its weapons replaced with combine and tilling attachments, going hunting with her twin sister to see who could score the bigger buck, learning survival skills from her mother...she wiped her eyes and raised her glass.

"This is good bye." She stood, finishing off her wine, refilling the glass and setting it and the bottle down. "Hopefully not forever, but it's still good bye."

A short eternity later, the Lancer sighed and turned her back on the memorial, starting up her music again. With the past behind her, she could now face the future, a future unbeknownst to her that would be fraught with danger and destiny.

I apologize for nothing Dess.

 

 “What’s it all about Dess, elucidate!”

“That’s a joke, I say that’s a joke Dess”

“Go, I say go away Dess, you bother me”

“I made a funny Dess and you’re not laughin’

“That Dess’s about as sharp as a bowling ball”

“That Dess’s as timid as a canary at a cat show”

“You’re way off, I say you’re way off this time Dess!”

“Nice Dess but he’s got more nerve than a bum tooth”

“I say, Dess, pay attention when I’m talkin’ to ya, Dess”

“Pay attention, Dess, I’m cuttin’ but you ain’t bleedin’!”

“Smart Dess, got a mind like a steel trap – full of mice”

“That Dess’s as strong as an ox, and just about as smart”

“Dess’s gotta mouth like a cannon, always shootin’ it off”

“This Dess’s more mixed up than a feather in a whirlwind”

“That, I say that Dess’s just like a tattoo, gets under your skin”

“Say Dess, you cover about as much as a flapper’s skirt in a high wind”

“Pay attention to me Dess! I’m not just talkin’ to hear my head roar”

“That’s what I’ve been – I say, that’s what I’ve been telling you, Dess!”

“Now cut that out Dess, or I’ll spank you where the feathers are thinnest”

“I got, I say I got this Dess as fidgety as a bubble dancer with a slow leak”

“Stop, I say stop it Dess, you’re doin’ alot of choppin’ but no chips are flyin’

“Now what, I say what’s the big idea bashin’ me in the bazooka that-a-way Dess!”

“This Dess’s making more noise than a couple of skeletons throwin’ a fit on a tin roof”

“Hey Dess, what’s the idea jackin’ that pot up under me?  Jack?  Pot?  Ahuh, huh … jack pot, that’s a joke Dess, don’t ya get it?”

June 2021 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "We need to stop thinking like a shop and start thinking like a... shit"

2nd: Enjoy this power trip - you'll never be this OP in ZFRP again!

3rd: "we might need to have a talk about when it [i]is[/i] and [i]isn’t[/i] okay to go on a murderous rampage"

4th: symbolizing life, love, connections, friendship, and the ability to actually get out of bed

5th: "As long as Asterisk holders do not try to turn it on me, there are no wrong hands."

6th: So, she'd just carefully sneak into the ZFPD's other armory slash laundry/storeroom

7th: "if you think I am going to abandon Winx Club for her sheenanigans, you are sorely mistaken!"

8th: It was always preferable to get an insect’s consent.

9th: A moment later, his brows struggled to shoot off in two, different directions when a cat talked. But that was Agama for you.

10th: “Cat adventures?”

11th: She couldn't wait to put her cat ears on.

12th: "You're like, babies, right?"

13th: Godzilla vs Kong was actually a battle between Donkey Kong and Bowser.

14th: So...much...floof.

15th: "Utsuho, that's going to hurt like a bitch for both of us." "And?" "And I like your style. Let's do it."

16th: "Do you really think all those wonderful, sappy, beautiful feelings about [i]me[/i]?"

17th: Mip-mip.

18th: Momoyo, now a named character, began to approach Ard, for she could not kick his ass if she didn't.

19th: "Why even put pain receptors in a death robot, anyway?"

20th: "That reminds me- when you wake up you might have a sort of craving for bones."

21st: "Red." contributes Stella.

22nd: "I will also allow you to display this in your bar so you may also hug twelve thousand chickens at any time you would like"

23rd: "Very Skull of you."

24th: "I think she could BENEFIT being a little lazy."

25th: "GO GO, TUNNEL SPIDEEEEEEEEEER! DOOO DOO DOO DO DOOOO GO GO TUNNEL SPIDER-"

26th: she was sitting on Alcina's back

27th: "Your monster will return by the time you're done with your lunch."

28th: "I'm more than a meme, Rachel." Sumireko huffed, flipping her hair. "...Besides, I already said the E word earlier today."

29th: Current urge: scream

30th: WIBBLE. WIBBLE. WIBBBBBLLLLEEEEEEEEE.

The Incident of the Wyvern's Egg

Most places have incidents. Gensokyo has Incidents. What differentiates an incident from an Incident? Generally it's the scale.

In this case, it's the scales.

One fine day in the middle of June, some Magician had decided to climb to the top of Tengu Mountain in search of the rarest of the rare creatures, the legendary wyvern Rathalos. A terrifying dragon of legend that was said to be able to scorch the earth to cinders and render entire nations into oceans of flame with but a single breath. It was terrifyingly powerful and only the most foolhardy wanted to track down such a beast. Even more foolhardy was the fool who though it would be a good idea to sneak into its nest and steal its incubating egg, driving the Mother Rathalos into an inconsolable fury.

Gensokyo had its Incidents and then it also had its Incident Solvers. Enter Ama and Tera Su, the twin Shrine Maidens of Ōmikami Shrine, a temple dedicated to the worship of the sun and the moon. A temple that also happened to be the closest settlement to the Rathalos' nest. When the great and terrible beast of legend returned to its nest to find its egg missing, guess where it went first.

"Is it Tuesday already?" Ama, the Paladin and priestess of the sun, asked wearily.

"This is no time for sarcasm, Sister," Tera, the Oracle and priestess of the moon, said with a hint of scolding. "The sun is hot indeed, but there is no time for sick burns when a hot mess threatens our home."

The Paladin drew her weapon, a mighty trident capable of cutting through any beast's hide, and whistled for her mount, a noble griffon. "Then let us waste no time! I shall go and...hmm...inconvenience the wyvern and you shall find what has vexed it, yes?"

The Oracle nodded. "An excellent plan. Be safe, Sister."

The Paladin leaped aboard her mount. "You as well!"

Minutes later, one twin was soaring into the skies borne on the wings of a griffon while the other was zipping along the dirt trails on a motorcycle, trying to ignore the sounds of conflict in the sky above as she rode for the Rathalos nest. It was certainly a terribly-kept secret, for it was to the benefit of all for everyone to know where NOT to go in order to avoid bringing the Rathalos upon the land. This common knowledge had backfired horribly though, some fuckwit getting it into their head that stealing from the dread beast wasn't going to leave a huge swathe of death and destruction.

The roar of the engine competed with the roar of the wyvern as Tera listened to her sister's war to keep the mountain from burning. The Oracle could only hope that some of the less-lazy denizens of the mountain would be willing to join in the fight, but it seemed like a long shot.

"Hiya."

Tera almost was thrown from the bike in surprise as someone stepped into her path, recklessly about to cause a crash. The wheeled vehicle screeched to a halt as the moon priestess slammed on the brake, the bike spinning around as it narrowly avoided the woman in the road. She raised her goggles and scowled.

"Shark Girl, what are you doing?! I could have hurt you!" Tera scolded. "And more importantly, I could have been hurt!"

Selachi Morpha shrugged and approached casually. "I need a ride. I was coming up to your place to talk to you and your sister about when you were having a party again."

"Well, unfortunately I am unable to discuss parties at the moment," the Oracle said, putting her goggles back in place. "I'm very busy."

"With what?!" Selachi demanded, placing her hands on her hips.

Tera pointed towards the sky, the Shark Girl twisting her head around. She whistled at the sight of the Paladin and the wyvern doing battle and the way the great gouts of flame lit up an already-bright sky. She looked back at Tera.

"Oh...can I still have a ride?"

The moon priestess managed not to let out her frustrations and instead simply shook her head. "Help my sister and I shall give you a ride wherever you want to go."

The shark groaned as she looked up at the sky again, rolling her eyes. "Flying? I HATE flying..." A pout briefly crossed her face, stewing over the situation as logically as she could. She hated using her powers to turn into anything but a mighty and noble shark, but...she smirked, striking a pose as her cloak wafted in the wind.

"Very well! I, the Mighty Great White, shall demonstrate why you should always be willing to give me a ride whenever I ask nicely like I did just now!"

Tera watched as the singer of the sea changed into that most hateful of birds, a horrible Goose, and within a minute had her jaws wrapped around the Rathalos' neck. The sight of a goose flying up to a wyvern only to suddenly become a shark that now flopped around in the sky was almost comical. She might have even sat there watching for a bit longer, but there WAS an Incident to resolve and...there went the Mighty Great White, flopping towards the ground after being shaken off by an angry wyvern.

Fortunately, tracking down the thief and returning the egg had been, compared to actually stalling the mother, a simple act. The thief, a greedy and shockingly-foolish Tengu Magician, had been given a stern talking to followed by a butt kicking.

For her help, Selachi got one motorcycle ride home and a drink that evening.

I'm A Shaaaaaaark

 It was a beautiful morning by the Misty Lake. The sun was shining, the air was warm, and the lake glistened in the 7:21 AM light.

Selachi Morpha hated it.

Well, perhaps hate was too strong a word. She normally liked waking up on such mornings so she could start her day off right. Go downstairs and feed her friends, go for a swim, go to the village to do a bit of shopping if she didn't have a show to do that evening. Today though? Today was a much, much different occasion: she was waking up with an awful hangover. A little too much partying the night before and now she just felt like a slug, wanting to stay in her bed like a mere minnow instead of the mighty shark she knew she was.

"Morning...why is it still morning?" she asked herself as she got dressed.

On stage, Selachi dressed wildly and sang even more wildly. She might not have been the best singer or danger in Gensokyo, but there was no denying she knew how to put on a pleasing show. At home though, she dressed far more humbly, only using her magic sleeves when it was time to perform, whether on stage or putting in an appearance somewhere. Today called for something easy to wear though, a simple tunic and sweatpants she slipped on as she looked out the window. The sun fairy was trying too hard this morning, she thought as she narrowly avoided tripping over her calligraphy table.

She looked at the table briefly to see the scribblings of a drunken lunatic. What HAD she drank the night before?! Oh well; it was kind of pretty and she'd probably remember what she was doing later. For now though, someone was having a battle of bullets in her skull and it was taking all of her power to focus on heading down the stairs one at a time instead of the all of them at once her feet seemed to think was going to be a great idea. Fortunately, she kept a small stockpile of preserved meat on hand for mornings like this; her friends wouldn't starve. Then again, they were also technically wild animals and could hunt for themselves, but they were also so cute when they were ripping chunks of meat apart!

"Hold on, hold on," she muttered as she descended an inexplicably existing staircase to her basement.

It was technically a basement. It was a room and it had walls. The floor was mostly an open pool of water though, one leading out into the Misty Lake. Anyone could swim into it if they tried hard enough, she supposed. The throbbing in one corner of her brain suggested she might want to get a lock for the basement door someday. The suggestion was discarded. Only a fool would brave the small colony of rays and sharks that dwelled within her basement.

They were her good friends though, several of them swimming up to greet her as she brought breakfast. Her skin turned rougher than her hangover and her teeth grew sharp; it was easier to talk to her fellow predators like this. She also did this around some of her less-pleasant fans and venue operators sometimes.

"Sorry, it's not the best stuff today. Mama couldn't go hunting this morning," she apologized, grabbing chunks of dry meet to throw into the pool.

Normally she'd go out and...shudder...change into a land beast to go hunting for fresh meat to feed them, but she didn't feel like it this morning. Did she have any painkillers? Did she remember to get more Alchemist's Kindness when she was sober? Maybe the best cure WAS just to go back to bed.

It was, but she decided to go for a swim anyway, work through it the hard, cheap way. Misty Lake didn't need the Mighty Great White this morning though, so she gently dipped into the water and swam through her friends, content that they were content.

The water was perfect though, just the right temperature as a bull shark gently passed through the ray colony unabated and into the lake. Not too many waves and the fish were out and abundant, a perfect snack for the...um...Bold Bull? She'd workshop a cool name later. It was time to workshop breakfast instead.

An hour and three fish later, Selachi was fat and happy (so to speak), swimming along the shoreline aimlessly. She heard a splash to her left, close enough to warrant a glance.

GASP. A CAN! IN HER... immediate vicinity. She technically claimed the lake as her territory, but only her rays took the claim seriously. Even she didn't believe it sometimes...

Right now though...TRASH. IN HER LAKE. GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

She swam over and delicately snapped down on the offending litter, poking her head up to see a fairy flying by, burping after chugging a now-empty soda.

"OI! YOU FORGOT SOMETHING!"

It was a good throw considering Salachi did it without hands. The fairy squeaked as the can bounced harmlessly off her head; she turned, angrily yelling. The Bold Bull dipped below the waves.

The Mighty Great White then appeared, locking its eyes on the much-smaller fairy.

"GIVE A HOOT. DON'T POLLUTE."

The fairy decided it suddenly cared about properly disposing of litter and flew away from the lake at top speed. Salachi smiled; scaring fairies was always fun. She dipped back under the water with a big grin, ready to face the rest of her day.

May 2021 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "Doesn't she know I'm allergic to social interaction without her?"

2nd: "Why, it would be..." Her lip trembled. "Fun."

3rd: "It's that rugged adventuring archaeologist, LEGO Indiana Jones!"

4th: "I'm a Level 5 Blackbird!" (slang for Ashworld magician)

5th: "... Just as I thought. Mediocre."

6th: "no one fite like gas-ton

make new frens like gas-ton

mud a-ttack like gas-ton"

7th: "Step off, Roy G. Bit-"

8th: Even the tattooes of dragons and oceans on her arms seemed half-harted, like the artist couldn't stop complaining about his home life while doing them.

9th: "Well, that's an incident and a half. Maybe even two incidents"

10th: ASTERISK THUNDERDOME

11th: "Do I not terrify you anymore?"

12th: "You look like you lost a bet." He paused. "Or won one."

13th: Goth Police Officer, Nikki!

14th: "I REFUSE to believe that Akira and Ann Kurusu have anything but the most vanilla of intercourse!"

15th: "Truly, the Romans would weep with envy."

16th: "[i]you touched The Orb[/i]"

17th: "I know what will scare him! Death!"

18th: Neither Sonia nor Nekomaru noticed Maya’s breasts.

19th: Two types of cookies? In her pocket? On an expedition? Clearly, this woman was living a life of luxury.

20th: "HA! Who’s laughing now, you fatass goth?”

21st: “Meow meow meow meow meow these are the rest of the lyrics meow meow MEOWWWW...”

22nd: "Oh, uhm, red hair? Freckles? Glasses? Transports herself everywhere by doing arcane butt movements?"

23rd: Hippo Wonderworld

24th: Spider Youkai. Why did it have to be Spider Youkai?

25th: I have no idea how bitcoin works.

26th: adding “working out” as a priority just underneath “learning videogames”

27th: "Comiendo la comida de los colonizadores, Téo. Vergonzoso."

28th: "Yayyyyy! Everybody won!"

"Vodka didn't win."

"Yayyyyy! All the cute girls won!"

29th: "SLOGGING HINEY WHINEY HORSE DROPPINGS! ARRRRGGGHHHH!"

30th: "Oh snap! Okay, fight time it is!"

31st: "Someone's armoire got turned into a lemon scent."