Super Sentai Squad!...sans the super and sentai part...

Warning

The post you are about to read is canon.

Teknowledg-E Industries factory, India

With the stealth of a tornado sneaking through a trumpet collection, the six figures broke into the old factory. The security guards patrolling the facility were quick to respond, but just as quick to flee when they saw what kinds of horrible creatures were attacking. Horned, multi-colored, and reptilian, the invaders helped themselves to whatever pieces of technology they could find. The leader examined each device carefully, looking for sophisticated computer machines to put his plans into action. His companions, save the most elderly of the group, quickly grew bored of this exercise and began tossing things around in search of...well, not even they knew for sure except for the largest member of the group, who continuously asked if anyone saw a vending machine.

The Deadly Six, a team of six extraordinary beings called Zeti, had arrived.

"When do we get to smash stuff?!"

"I'm not carrying anything, right? I'll chip a nail!"

"This is all so pointless."

"Duuuuuhhhhh........does anyone else smell toast?"

The leader quickly grew agitated and snarled, bringing the four into line.

"Go to the upper levels and keep an eye out for the authorities," he ordered. "Master Zik and I will find our objective."

The leader slammed his fists together, cracking nearby computer monitors with a sonic wave.

"Now we shall get the real work done, yes?" Master Zik, the elderly Zeti, asked.

"Indeed we shall, Master," Zavok, leader of the group, responded as he set a device aside. "These components are more than suitable for repairing the scraps Eggman left behind for us."

The two continued to search the factory, quietly scavenging even as their companions continued to complain about being assigned boring tasks. The stream of complaints ended suddenly though, replaced by the sounds of hand-to-hand combat and gunfire. Moments later, the largest reptile, Zomom, came crashing down.

"Uuuuuuhhhhhh.....Boss, someone's attacking us."

Zavok facepalmed at how obvious the statement was. The sounds of his other minions, Zazz the Wild, Zeema the Vain, and Zor the Depressing, engaged in battle echoed across the factory. Other voices rang out as well: a gruff, commanding voice giving out orders as a chorus of high-pitched voices, something in German, and a strange roar answered back. There was also, oddly, the sound of a monkey.

"Continue your work, my student," Master Zik said. "I will see that you have time to find everything and leave."

Zavok nodded and turned back to his work. "I entrust our success to you then, Master."

With deceptive speed, Master Zik and Zomom leapt into the air and back towards the battle, where Zazz found himself being pummeled on three sides by a soldier with a shotgun and a cigar and a strange, masked alien with dreadlocks while Zor tried to escape the alternating curses and bullets of an insane robotic doctor. Zeema, meanwhile, was dodging around a purple-haired human girl with a hammer and fire magic, pausing only to throw something at the girl. Master Zik immediately launched a kick at the alien, catching it in the chest while Zomom tried to tackle the soldier to no effect.

The alien quickly rose to its feet in time for Master Zik to launch another fierce kick, except this time the Zeti was stopped mid-air as he found himself engulfed in some kind of webbing.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAA! I gots me a biggun', Sarge!"

Master Zik quickly removed the webbing from him as he was attacked from above by a human girl almost as short as he was. The girl moved quickly but shot webbing from her hands in a very UNhuman-like fashion.

"Don't get cocky, Kurodane!" 'Sarge' shouted back. "These guys are almost tough enough to make me sweat!"

"Arrogant children!" Master Zik spat. "You shall have a lesson in respect beat into your heads!"

"Gotta hit me first, you prune!" 'Kurodane' taunted.

The elderly Zeti launched a flurry of punches and kicks at the girl, but her giggling never ceased, even when he did manage to land a hit. The girl was fast, but speed alone was nothing. She also had the annoying habit of bouncing off of walls, leaping high into the air, and at times outright flying.

"Need me to slow down?" she giggled again, evading a strike from Master Zik's staff.

A moment later, a burst of light shot from the first floor and struck the girl in the side.

"No, I don't think I will," Zavok stated matter-of-factly. "In fact, you may want to speed up. Deadly Six, we go!"

The other Zeti, bleeding and nursing wounds, were quick to fall back as their leader began spitting lasers and fireballs at their attackers. 'Sarge' and the alien returned fire, but the reptilians were quickly out of sight.

"Damn, almost had 'em....E.M.E.T., get over here! Kurodane's injured!" 'Sarge' ordered.

"Yes, Sergeant Johnson! I am right here!" the mechanic doctor E.M.E.T. responded, rushing over. "DAMMIT there's not even any interesting burns! Oh fucking well, deploying Healing Buoy."

Yamame Kurodane sighed as she felt her wound patching up. She'd let another badguy get the drop on her.

"Don't sweat it, kid. We'll fight 'em again," Sergeant Johnson said reassuringly. "Meanwhile, Predator, get on sentry duty. See if you can find them. Lucca, you figure out what those ugly geckos were after."

The excited chirping of a monkey interrupted the execution of Johnson's orders. Data the Monkey, a mechanical simian, trundled over.

"Orders from the patron, sir," Data reported. "Local authorities are en route. We are to return to the safe house for further orders. Another team will investigate the enemy's objective."

Johnson sighed. He didn't like leaving an unsecured combat zone, but orders were orders. "Alright team, pack it up and let's move out. Payment's waiting at the base."

Yamame sighed as the rest of her team left the factory the same way they'd come in. She wanted to punch something and vent her frustration, but settled for trying to imagine what Zeti blood tasted like as she crawled out into the night.

Come into my parlor...

Warning

The post you are about to read is canon.

~

You know, it's really hard for me to connect with people in this day and age. I just don't get some of this stuff that's cropped up in the last few years. Airplanes? Smartphones? This so-called "web"? When I was just a little 100 year-old larva, the only web we had at home was the one we made for ourselves! Of course, I haven't been home in ages; some bitch in red came in and I'm pretty sure everyone I knew from there is dead. Maybe one or two of them got out, but I don't know; I didn't stay to check. Yamame Kurodane ain't no sucker, that's for sure!

Hell, I had to go or else I'd've gotten hungry in a hurry! You can only eat so many dead people until you either get sick of it or they've decomposed past edibility. And believe me, you don't want that!

But you, buddy, you're different. Most people see me and wonder when school got out, but you saw past that and wanted to hang out! Be pals, have some fun, do some cool stuff. Ah, good times we had, my friend. Good times. And, heck, ice cream? I think that's the best thing that's happened to the world since meat!

But we both know all about that, right? You're such a great guy, offering to let me eat your meat when we've only known each other for a little while. I know how excited it made you when I accepted too, moreso when I suggested you come back to my place! You ARE a good friend.

I hope you're comfortable there, bundled up so warm and snug. Ooooooh, I could just eat you up, you look so good there! Shhhhh, shhhhhhhhhhhh, there's no need to say anything.

......why are you screaming? You look like you've never seen a girl with eight legs before. I mean, you KNEW I was a spider; why else would I web you up like this? Heeeeeeeee. Maybe you DIDN'T know? You think maybe you're dreaming? Well, that's fine. Get yourself worked up over nothing; adrenaline tastes so sweet, I love it.

I love you.

I just wish I could eat you all up.

But you're too big for one meal, so I think I'm going to suck you dry and turn the rest into jerky. I mean, who doesn't love jerky, am I right?

Shhh....it'll all be...oh dammit. A phone call? Now?

Hello? Ah, no, Sergeant! I'm not tied up at the moment at all. A mission? I'll be right there.

Sigh....always manages the worst time to call. Well, you don't mind waiting for me, right? I'll just wrap another layer over you; I don't want my dinner getting cold after all.

Ha ha ha!

Going Deeper Underground (non-canon ZFRP)

The day had started off promising for the spider-like demon, Yamame Kurodani. She'd heard the sounds of a dying Youkai and gone running, hoping to find an easy meal. Instead, she'd seen something that chilled her even as a hot wave of magical fury washed over her: a young human girl in red-and-white armor cutting a swath through the assorted minor demons and creatures that inhabited the tunnels leading from Gensokyo to the Former Capital. Yamame didn't care much for most of her fellow youkai, but she did enjoy a challenge. She'd gotten the human's attention, boasted a bit like her idol Yuugi did frequently, and the fight had begun.

And ended almost instantly. In mere moments, a sword of pure light appeared in the human's hand and cut down Yamame like tissue paper. Yamame must have looked sufficiently dead, because the human had moved on and continued her warpath. Time passed and Yamame slowly awakened, quickly wishing she hadn't as she felt blood pour from her open wounds. Instinct told her to run, to leave the underground world behind and go hunt on the surface. Despite being a loner by nature, Yamame still had friends though: her idol Yuugi, the bridge princess Parsee, the strange bucket girl Kisume...

The spider girl paused at the though of Kisume as she finally noticed, amongst the dead demons, pieces of wood and a metal rim. She had one less friend, she supposed. Spurred by the loss of one friend, Yamame bolted towards the Former Capital to find her other friends. She didn't have to wait long.

The bridge to the underground city was burning with pieces of blue cloth scattered about.

Yamame went further in.

She found a lone sake dish, balanced precariously on something, but not tipping over no matter how the ground shook, a tribute to its owner's refusal to waste good drink.

Yamame continued on, ignoring the massive amounts of destruction around her. By now, apprehension had given way to anger and, oddly, curiosity. She wanted to find out what this human was doing in the underground, killing everyone around her. A crack as loud as thunder caused the ruins of the capital to shake as, in the distance, two figures flying through the sky, firing off spells and energy blasts with reckless abandon. They shouted at each other, though what taunts or threats they spat went unheard over the sounds of war. Through the pillars of smoke though, Yamame could see that the human was one fight and the other was Utsuho Reiuji, Hell Raven pet to the mistress of the Palance of the Earth Spirits and probably the most powerful being in the entire underground. The palace itself burned, likely the source of Utsuho's fury.

The battle seemed to be going in the Hell Raven's favor; the human seemed unable to get off a single shot and was constantly on the move. Meanwhile, Utsuho was letting loose with a relentless barrage, firing massive, powerful blasts that ripped through the air, though none seemed able to hit the human.

A moment after one such blast sent her flying, Yamame realized that this was the human's intent all along: let Utsuho tire herself destroying the Former Capital! It certainly was working; few if any structures remained intact and the human was moving as quickly and nimbly as ever while Utsuho's blasts seemed to be lessening in power. When one such blast barely leveled a house, the human struck, forming her sword of light and driving it into the Hell Raven's chest.

A bright light erupted in the sky, flattening most of the Former Capital. Yamame shrieked as heat washed over her, rendering her unconscious again. When she awoke, the ground where the palace once stood was a glowing crater. Fires raged all across the landscape and the occasional voice of an injured or dying youkai could be heard, though to Yamame's horror they were quickly silenced. Finally, the armored human got around to the spider girl.

Yamame looked at the imposing warrior before her, sword raised. This was the only chance she was going to get, so she spoke a simple question.

"Why?"

The human glowered at her victim. "Because you beasts are to be exterminated. The gods command it."

"Gods are overrated," a new voice interjected.

Human and demon turned to see a large creature walking through the smoldering city, pausing to light a cigar on one of the buildings before taking a puff.

"My apologies. My name is Big T and I've decided I like that spider, so back off, Rodent," the creature, a grey-scaled, muscular dragon, ordered.

"The Inquisition does not take orders from beasts," the human spat back.

The dragon chuckled as he approached, flipping a black fedora onto his head. "Then think of it as a friendly suggestion. Your inquisitor's tricks don't affect a member of the Brood and you've spent too much of your strength to actually outfight me."

The human reached down to her hip towards a metal sword, taking up the challenge. She took a swing at the dragon, but the blade stopped mid-strike as a strange glowing field appeared to block it.

"Uh oh. Looks like Big T knows some magic," the dragon mockingly sighed. "Your blade can't touch me and now you can't even hit my spider before I can shred you."

The human stared at the dragon, looked at Yamame, and began to leave. "Remember the name Hakurei Reimu, dragon. Someday I'll have the pleasure of ending you too."

Big T rolled his eyes and puffed out a ring of smoke. "Sure, sure. Nobody expects the Gensokyo Inquisition, I got it. Now...shoo."

As the human left, the dragon stood tall over the spider.

"What do you want with me?" Yamame asked, frightened and confused.

"I want you to stop bleeding on my shoes, but that's not happening right now," Big T answered. "I was on my way home from mocking my dead brother Chaz when I see you watching the bird and the bitch have their little squabble, all the while bleeding from a massive gap in your torso. You look human enough and you're definitely tough enough, so I think to myself 'Big T, this dame's got guts and they're spilling all over the ground. Maybe the Brood could use her for sneaky jobs.' So I'm taking you with me, but I ain't no slaver; you'll get paid for doin' jobs for me and maybe I'll even make a proper...hmm...business associate out of you. What do you say? Keep in mind, if you say no I'm fine leaving you here to bleed to death."

Yamame sighed and looked at her "saviour" with disbelief. Still, she didn't seem to have anything to lose. Being this dragon's servant was certainly a better alternative to bleeding to death alone in the underground.

"Well...I accept."

"That's what I thought," the dragon chuckled, using a quick blast of magic to heal Yamame's wounds. "Now, lesson one in being an associate..."

Deep, Deep In the Mines

Year 17XX, Underground

Just guard this bridge. That will be your duty. It's an important job and I need someone to do it, you want something to do, it's a perfect match. These were all things Parsee had been told the first she'd met Lady Satori in the underground. Maybe they were even true. One thing that hadn't been said though was how...isolated the bridge was. It was in a cave outside of the city. A deep, underground cave where few people on either side even tried to cross. Parsee had seen MAYBE three humans trying to get across in two hundred years. A few youkai had tried to cross as well, getting sent back to Hell after a few stern words.

Lady Satori also hadn't mentioned how BORING this was job was though. There really wasn't a lot she HAD said about it, just to keep people from crossing unless they had permission. Which nobody ever had. So nobody ever crossed. Hardly anyone even came. Sometimes creatures would pass by; she'd even seen an odd girl in a bucket pass by once. Fortunately, she snuck into town once or twice a year to hang out with a really buff oni who lived there and tried to get Parsee to take up weightlifting. Even those visits were woefully short though; rumor had it Satori had a variety of horrifying attack beasts around her manor to punish people. Parsee shuddered a bit at the thought.

A gentle skittering noise drew her attention back to the present. A little too large to be a bug, not the right kind of footsteps for a rodent, too small for a human or youkai. She waited a few more moments, but the noise had ceased, allowing her to go back to musing over how bored she was. After about a minute of trying to decide whether or not she'd try sneaking into town again, Parsee was once more interrupted by the odd sound.

"Halt! Who goes there?" she shouted. "I'm the bridge princess and nobody crosses my bridge without permission!"

Parsee prepared a spell, ready to blast whoever came close. Oddly though, the next sound she heard was footsteps running on her bridge. She turned quickly to see a young girl in a brown dress running back and forth on the bridge.

"H-hey! You can't be on that bridge!" Parsee shrieked.

The playing girl stopped and ran over to Parsee, giggling with each step.

"Apparently I can, because I snuck right past you!" the girl snickered.

"Well, I have you now!" Parsee countered, grabbing the girl's collar.

"And now what? Do I go to jail or something?"

Parsee paused, considering the question. What COULD she do now that she had a...was prisoner even the right word for it? Parsee scoffed and let go, walking to the mouth of the bridge.

"No, you can go. Just...just don't try sneaking past me again!" Parsee warned. "I've got my eye on you!"

The girl giggled and blinked. "And I've got my eyes on you!"

"Eyes?" Parsee wondered, looking closely. A few more sets of eyes suddenly started blinking on the girl's forehead, causing Parsee to shriek and jump back, manifesting one of her mirror images.

"Woah, that's freaky," the new Parsee said.

"Woah, that's awesome!" the girl said, running around the two Parsees. "Can you teach me to do that?"

"Um...no," Parsee answered. "I'm still not sure how I do it yet."

"Oh. Well, it's pretty cool," the girl said, not bothered at all. "Well, I gotta run. I'm getting hungry and you're too neat to eat."

"Oh, thank you!" Parsee chirped. "Hey, wait! Eat?!"

But her protest came too late. The young girl was already gone. The new Parsee helped Parsee up and shrugged.

"Well, that was odd. She didn't even give us her name."

A Day in Brocadia starring Dr. Dia DeMonde - Part 1

In ages past, there existed a great civilization capable of building great things, producing great people, and creating great ideas. And yet this civilization managed to destroy itself, its neighbors, and arguably 99% of its entire world. Pockets of humanity managed to survive, but they were isolated. Civilization had died, culture stagnated, and even the people themselves were changed. Into this came a strange race of spacefaring beings known in myth and legend only as the Earthmasters. They saw a world that had once thrived and introduced their servants to restore it to serve as a colony. The Earthmasters began to thrive on this world as well, building a network of fantastic devices that could transport a person from one end to the other in an instant.

Sadly, they, too, were not long for the world as their ancient Enemy, whom history does not even remember except within near-extinct Earthmaster records, followed them to this new colony world and continued fighting their ancient war. The Earthmasters and their enemies fought vicious battle after vicious battle until all present on the world had either died or fled to their parent empires. The Earthmasters' servants remained behind though, picking up the pieces of a broken world until the pockets of humanity, which now included strange children like Elves, Orcs, and Goblins, began to spread forth once more to reclaim what was lost.

Civilization was slowly rebuilt. New nations like Tentula and Brocaidia rose on the contient of Demova. Dwarves and Halflings and other races built nations of their own as man's desire to explore the unknown returned. Sadly, growth and prosperity brought with it another old, bad habit: war. Elves and humans fought for control of Demova, resulting in the near-extinction of the Elves except for a small enclave of pure-bloods granted sanctuary by the Queen of Tentula and their part-Elf descendents, the Middlings. Peace thrived until the Church of Azell realized that powerful magics such as the ones used against the Elves could be turned upon them or other human nations, beginning a war across Demova to bring all magic under the oversight of the Church, causing the near-destruction of the nation of Estella.

Once the Church was satisfied with its position, peace reigned across Demova. Publicly at least, for a shadow war was being waged between the descendents of the Enemy and a group of warriors working on behalf of the rulers of the Demovan nations. This shadow war lasted for years until an accident involved an Earthmaster site caused the "deaths" of the Enemy leader and the warriors. While their bodies were destroyed, scattered by malfunction Earthmaster artifacts, their spirits gained the ability to reach out to their descendents and grant them fantastic powers. With this new ability, the Enemy continued his plans against Humanity while the warriors, now known as the Forever Knights, sought him out and battled him when possible.

The year is 1568 of the Azell Calendar. It is an Age of Enlightenment and Exploration as new discoveries as made every day and strange lands are waiting to be discovered by Demovan explorers. The Forever Knights are active once more though, traveling across the world to reactivate the surviving dormant Earthmaster sites to give them an edge in their fight against the Enemy, whose plans are coming together after centuries.

Even heroes must rest though. After a harrowing adventure in an undersea city with multiple near-death experiences, Doctor Dia DeMonde, Middling surgeon of - in her own eyes at least - great renown, looked forward to spending some time in a normal, ordinary city. Her companions all had their own preparations to make, supplies to purchase, needs to attend to. That was fine; they had their things, Dia had hers, even if it was in a Brocadian city instead of one in her homeland of Estella. She was even tempted - nay, hoping - to perform a normal medical procedure on someone instead of having to sew her own abdomen shut or dissect some horrible fish creature to get access to the poison sacs in its face. Still alive, of course. She did feel somewhat out of place though, dressed in rather common-looking garments despite being a guest of the Brocadian palace while the natives all strutted about like peacocks in their fashions. Dia shook her head and went looking for the nearest apothecary to restock her surgery kit.

<DiDe, can we go to the candy store?>

Dia looked at her shoulder. Beneath her cloak, her shoulder bulged from a small lump perched there, hidden from sight so as not to scare the common folk. Its words went right into her mind, an easy way to circumvent the need for awkward conversations.

"Not yet, Nurse Teacups," she answered with a smile. "Behave and you can have TWO pieces."

The bulge squirmed until the head of a tiny dragon's head peeked out from beneath the cloak.

<Even taffy?>

Dia smiled at Izzy Teacups' enthusiasm, admiring once again the little creature, a once-dead fairy dragon she had restored using magic and science. She petted the little head and gently pushed it back under the cloak.

"Yes, even taffy," she agreed. "Now stay put. Peeking is NOT behaving."

<But I'm boooooooored.>

The surgeon shrugged with her unladen shoulder as she entered the apothecary she had been searching for. That was the end of her good experience with the shop as the proprietor took one look at her single pointed ear and sneered.

"Show me your coin before you waste my time asking for things, Middling," the clerk demanded.

With an annoyed sigh, Dia pulled out two things: a gold coin and a small amulet, her symbol of membership in Estella's hallowed medical guild. She waved both in front of the clerk's face while tapping her foot impatiently.

"I am Doktor Dia DeMonde, graduate of the Freiburg Universitat, dummkop, here on special assignment to attend King Louis-Dieudonné de Montaigne XIV," Dia said in introduction. "You may fetch me vhat I need or I shall return to the palace, explain to his majest vhat you hafe not done, and somevone vith a large polearm shall come to do my shopping, only he vill pay you vith a large fine for wasting the court's time. Good deal, ya?"

The clerk gulped as Dia produced a small ring bearing the royal seal, proof enough that she at least worked in the palace, even if in a far different role than the one she'd stated.

"Ah, yes, of course, Doktor," the clerk gulped, suddenly quick to respond to Dia's requests.

"And hafe a nice day," Dia said, smiling sweetly as she returned to town.

Outside, she found herself staring at a young boy, a fellow Middling judging by his ears and slight frame. She also found herself unable to get past without shoving him aside. The two stared at each other awkwardly until Izzy poked her head out of the cloak.

<This isn't the candy store, DiDe.>

"I know, Nurse."

<Then why are we just sitting here?>

"Zhat is a good qvestion," Dia agreed, turning to the boy. "Can I help you, knabe?"

The child stared at her for another moment, tilting his head. "Are you a healer?"

"A healer?"

The boy nodded. "Yeah, one of those people who makes sick people better."

"Ah. Zhe proper term is doktor, but yes, I am a...'healer,'" Dia answered. "You don't look sick though."

"It's my papa. He came home sick, but he keeps going to work and getting worse. So I said to myself 'Pete, go ask a healer to make him better.' so I started coming here. All the healers look at me though and just want to see my money first," the boy explained. "But I'm just a kid; I don't have any money."

Dia's heart skipped a beat. Plain old ordinary medical emergency, helping someone in need, AND sticking it to the pureblood humans who probably did most of the medicine in this town? It sure sounded like a good deal anyway. "I see. And I take it you vould like me to help him, ya?"

The boy, Pete, nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! Yeah! Can you?"

Izzy glared from her perch, but Dia spoke before the dragon could get mad. "Certainly. Ve need to make one stop, zhen ve can see vhat's wrong with your Papa."

A quick trip the sweets shop later and Dia, Izzy, and Pete were on their way to the boy's house on the edge of town, not quite a slum but likely only because of an effort to gentrify the neighborhood. Nobody was on the street begging, but this part of town lacked the brightly-colored garments of the districts near the palace. Dia felt she had gone from being underdressed to overdressed as she walked through the streets, slipping back into an old habit of mentally diagnosing people's problems as she passed them. It'd been so easy to slip back into routine though that she also missed the sight of a bulky arm reaching out to her from behind a post.

For a five-foot nothing young woman, Dia wasn't a slouch in the strength department. She swatted the encroaching grasp aside and reached towards her belt, wondering what sort of weapon she should be reaching for as two brutish men stepped in front of her.

"Lookit here, Fenton. She's a lively one."

"Sure is. Spare a few pennies for a couple o' poor men?"

Dia snorted. Compared to giant reptiles, troglodytes, fish men, and the undead, a couple of muggers were nothing. She reached for her sword before remembering it was back at the palace. Same with her spear. At least she still had a kni-oh wait. That, too, was at the palace. Well, she still had a nice, weighty walking stick she could introduce their shins too. Or maybe she could use a spell. Or...she could be interrupted.

"What ho, ruffians! Back away from the lady!"

Dia, Pete, and the two muggers looked up as a blue blur fell from above, sweeping back a bright blue cape as it drew a rapier. In fact, it was a man dressed entirely in a blue uniform, right down to a blue facemask.

"I am the Blue Revenger and I am the righter of wrongs, thwarter of evils, defender of the weak, and...well...you get the gist of the," the blue figure said. "Leave this woman and her babe alone and I shall allow you to walk off unharmed."

Desperate the muggers might have been, but they were quite aware that neither of them were armed, counting on their strength and size to intimidate victims. Now someone else had the upper hand.

"Well? Poke poke!" the Blue Revenger said, waving his weapon about. "What say you?"

The reply was for one mugger to pick up a barrel, hefting it over his head in an impressive feat of strength to throw at the would-be hero. The revenger leapt to the side and the barrel bounced off the ground with a hollow thunk. With the thugs' attention occupied, Dia plucked her hefty walking stick from her belt and chanted a quick word of command, activating a strange ring on her finger. A gift of sorts from a Vedic noble, the ring soon turned her invisible, allowing her to creep up and club the barrel-thrower from behind, knocking him out cold with a single precisely-aimed hit.

Meanwhile, the Blue Avenger had begun hopping about, peppering the other thug with lightning-swift pokes from his rapier, drawing blood but inflicting no lethal wounds. Dia decided for all his eccentricities, he was at least quite skilled with a weapon.

"You swing your lists like a bovine," the revenger taunted, side-stepping a blow.

"Shut up and get hit!" the thug whinged, holding a spot on his face where he'd been slashed.

"Your odor is the only dangerous part about you!" the hero answered back, then slamming the pommel of the rapier upon the thug's head.

As the large sack of meat fell to the ground, the Blue Revenger removed his hat with a flourish and bowed gracefully.

"Worry not, my lady. You are safe now."

Dia sighed. Perhaps eccentric was too mild a word.

What might have been if Parsee hadn't been jealous...

This post is a non-canon What If story:

What apocalypses in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

Suite 16

Parsee was busy watching some educational program on TV when out of nowhere, out of the blue, seemingly at random, she felt...big. Not like a Las Vegas big shot or someone really tall, just....heavy. Aside from forcing herself to eat an extra portion the last time she'd taken food to Cian's manor though, she didn't eat much. She couldn't help but feel as if she'd put on some weight though; maybe she was getting sick? With a little difficulty, she rolled out of bed and walked into the bathroom to see if she was pale. As she flicked on a light, she recoiled from the sight in the mirror.

The face in the mirror wasn't hers. Well, with a little closer examination, it DID look like her face except...her hair was black, she had some extra padding on her face, and her eyes were....BLUE? To add the oddness, her ears weren't even pointed.

It wasn't just her head that had changes though; she was a few inches taller upon closer inspection and her was...well, she didn't need to be delicate with herself...fat. Wider hips, pudgy thighs, actual breasts, and...no...that wasn't a fat stomach, she looked pregnant.

Then...then came the whispers. Children's voices, men and women she felt she ought to know, a home she lived in and yet had never once been to. Memories pouring in like a flood of someone else's life. More than Parsee could handle. She shrieked, calling out for Cian and tried to fly to his manor.

Instead of leaving the ground and soaring into the heavens though, she fell flat on her face.

"Okay, okay, okay, this is all a bad dream," Parsee told herself. "I'll just talk myself down and...and...where am I?!"

Parsee summoned all of her magic and will, but her mirror image refused to manifest. Frustration and fear mounting, she tried to blow a hole in the wall just to see if she could.

No danmaku formed.

The memories though....they kept coming.

A shorter, thinner, younger Parsee walking down a rustic road to find a young man kissing another woman. HER man kissing another woman. For a moment, she felt like running and crying, to try and figure out where she'd gone wrong in pleasing the man, but in an instant she felt rage swell up and make her confront her lover and his new mistress. He begged for another chance, but she cut him off, removed him from her life and found her happiness in a productive job and a new lover, with whom she eventually built a family.

It was in this moment Parsee realized she was looking at her own life. Or rather, what her life would have been if she'd reacted to finding her love's indiscretion's with rage instead of jealousy. She'd never have been a hashihime, never have been trapped on Satori's bridge. She instead would've found joy and love and family.

It was a keen pain she felt stab into her heart as the changes went away and Parsee was her normal self again. She frantically rubbed her stomach, her face, her hair, wishing that all of those changes would come back, wishing that she could in fact go back in time and be the black-haired family woman instead of the Green-eyed Monster.

"Why have you done this?" Parsee asked the mysterious force that had shown her what could have been. "Why do you torment me so?"

But the world refused to listen.

~

Back in canon ZFRP, Parsee was reading a book when I Am did his thing. She thought she felt something off, but nothing appeared different...although she could've sworn she was reading a cook book and not Garfield. Oh, wait, she was. She didn't know why she thought she was holding a Garfield book for a moment.

The Finer Things in Life

Las Vegas, World Creature Wars Monday Fitro

"The world outside of Gensokyo sure is strange," Parsee Mizuhashi thought to herself as she walked through the crowded arena.

In the months since accepting Gentleman Draco's invitation to be his apprentice, Parsee had gotten to experience all sorts of human things that she'd only heard about. Television, fast food, bungee jumping...there were so many things and she'd gotten to try each one of them! She'd learned so much too, such as negotiation and how to negotiate with strength when you had none. Now she found herself in a noisy arena full of screaming fans, each one screaming his or her lungs out in anticipation of seeing their favorite creature, such as Rodaniel Bryan or The Arocknid or some other strange-sounding thing, beat another weird creature to a pulp. Draco had sent her the ticket and told her to come up to a particular private box before matches began.

"Suite 13b," the ticket had written on it. Parsee knocked twice and the door opened.


"...and then I put up a sign saying 'No Active Volcanoes,'"

Parsee found her mentor speaking to a group of well-dressed humanoids: a dark-feathered bird man, a  human in dark, heavy armor, and a robot of some sort. Kobold servants, shorter than the lizardman by far, stood nearby with drinks and snacks if summoned. Parsee coughed lightly, causing one of Draco's eyes to turn towards her.

"Miss Mizuhashi, please come in," Draco said congenially. "I was just speaking to some business associates of mine. Baron Kobsworthington the Third, Zett the Black Knight, Nu Alex, meet my new apprentice, Parsee Mizuhashi. She's gracefully offered to help me gain a foothold in this city."

The crow and lizard bowed politely.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Mizuhashi," Nu Alex said, extending a robotic hand. "As a former student of Mr. Draco's, you must be quite formidable to have gained his attention."

"Oh, th-thank you," Parsee replied, unused to compliments. "I'm just a gatekeeper. I'm not THAT special."

"She's quite modest, as you can see," Draco chuckled. "I'll cure her of that soon enough."

Even Parsee laughed nervously at that as she took a seat on the suite's balcony. The fans waved signs and screamed their hearts out as the first match began: a whirlwind full of ogres named the Shreknado battling a pelican that pulled assault weapons from its beak named the Scooper Trooper. Bullets and rockets were flying everywhere, deflected into the crowd by Shreknado's whirlwind.

"It's not the same as good ol' Zoofights, but Mr. Rex does know how to put on a good show," Draco grudgingly admitted, politely applauding as Scooper Trooper was being peeled like an onion in a hurricane.

"Um...pardon my asking, Mr. Draco..."

"Ask away, my dear. I didn't invite you here to show you off like a trophy."

"Yes, that's what I was getting to: why DID you invite me here?" Parsee asked.

"An excellent question. I wanted to show you something. This event, this arena, this show...this is our enemy in this city," Draco answered, motioning to the WCW crowd. "Every time we want to succeed, he wants us to fail. I have no doubt Rex knows that I have come here; with the Zoofights Corporation's intention of opening a casino resort, he must know that Kobbers will flock here like crows. No offense, Baron."

"None taken," the Tengu muttered, watching the next match begin.

"But you told me that we need competition," Parsee protested. "Why is he our enemy?"

"A competitor and an enemy are similar: they both want the same thing we want," Draco began explaining. "A competitor will puff up his plumage like a peacock, put up a fine display and improve his product in order to attract attention. An enemy will also put on a display to attract attention as well, but he seeks to misdirect OUR attention while planning to destroy us. Thus, we must destroy our enemies even as we seek to impress and outwit our competitors."

Parsee tried to take it all in, to look at it from a variety of perspectives. She'd likely have a "EUREKA" moment later and put the thought aside for now. "Then why are we here at his event, giving him money to enjoy his product?"

"Like I said, misdirection. He'll know I'm here, I'll put on a good show of being awed by a return to exciting creature fights, and I may even pay him a visit to congratulate him on reviving the ailing WCW," Draco continued with a toothy smirk. "He won't see you though; compared to people like Utsuho Reiuji and Tenshi Hinanawi, you're unknown. You can begin an operation without him suspecting ties to me or the Kobbers."

Parsee's eyes flashed green and jealousy boiled within her. Seeing this, Draco frowned. "Control your temper, apprentice. Business contacts will say things like that to control you, to manipulate you to their advantage. You have that power too though."

"Do YOU say such things to me to manipulate me?"

Draco grinned once more. "Of course. How else are you going to learn?"

For a moment, Parsee gaped with surprise. Fortunately for her, a new match was beginning between a shape-shifting crustacean named Blobster and a bloodthirsty bird named Swanton Slaughter.