Bridge Over Troubled What-Ifs

The Deep Road to Hell

To most people, a bridge was just a way to get across a body of water or a large gap in the earth. You walk or drive across it and you're done. Not much to think about unless you want to come up with some kind of clever metaphor for achieving goals or something equally philosophical.

To some people though, a bridge could be home. More than home even.

And so Parsee Mizuhashi stood in the middle of the bridge she'd lived on and around for centuries, motionless except to sometimes look in a different direction or to breathe. Heavy footsteps approached her.

"Why are we back here, Parsee?"

Parsee turned to look at the armored warrior behind her: Kamen Rider Chalice, the form her Shadow had assumed back in 2015 when an evil spirit had given her doubts and fears form.

"Just looking for answers here, I suppose," Parsee said, turning to stare back at the darkness.

"A waste of our time," Chalice sighed. "But do as you will."

"Thank you."

Parsee was once again alone with her thoughts. She could hear fairies in the distance and those weird yin-yang creatures flying about, but none dared to approach the bridge, not while its princess was back. She spent hours mulling over what Reimu said, what had happened in the previous year, and her own experiences on this very bridge. Being given control of a multi-billion dollar, interplanetary corporation after an interdimensional dragon tried to run it into the ground, having to help stop a massive civil war on another world from ripping opening the wall between dimensions, enough Kobber drama to last even her extended lifetime...

It was hard to tell where her doubts over one problem ended and another began. Reimu had, fortunately, provided some perspective, rightfully noting that she'd lost fights before Hot Topic and gotten back up. Months of tanking corporate profits were another thing, trying to pull up from the financial plummet caused by the MALP-verse Draco funding terror in her world. Perhaps she was finally beginning to gain some perspective, finally on the verge of a breakthrough!

Then the chamber went cold. Deathly cold. Parsee looked about, curious but unconcerned.

Unconcerned until someone began whispering.

<Mizuho-chan...>

The bridge princess' ear perked. A name she hadn't heard in years by a voice she hadn't ever expected to hear again.

Not after she cut his throat for cheating on her with another woman the night before their wedding.

She turned in time to see the voice manifest a body, a swirling specter forming a dark-haired man in a kimono centuries out of date carrying a gleaming katana.

<Mizuho-chan, I found you...>

Parsee dropped to her knees, supernatural terror coming over her as her dead fiancé walked towards her, arm extended.

<Mizuho-chan, I need you...>

<Get away from me!> Parsee cried as she backed up on the bridge, her eyes never leaving the ghost before her.

<Mizuho-chan, I'm so cold...I need you...>

<GO AWAY, EIICHI!>

<I need you...to die...>

Parsee screamed as the ghost was suddenly before her.

<You killed me. You killed her. In cold blood. So cold. Can't move on.>

<I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! GO AWAY!> Parsee screamed, curling up into a ball.

<Need your blood...to warm up...then I can go...> He raised his sword.

<I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT! FORGIVE ME, PLEASE!>

The sword came down, its blade digging into Parsee's neck to her spine. Her rolls eyed into the back of her head and she slumped over, fading away.

...

...

...

The specter of Eiichi stood there for a moment, confused. Bodies didn't just disappear. Or did they? It had been so long since he'd had a coherent thought. There was no blood for him.

Only mocking laughter echoing off the walls.

<Did you really think I would just sit there? Did you think I'd just let you cut my head off?!>

Parsee's laughter grew louder, landing where her clone had been a moment before.

<Five hundred years and you still don't know how to use that,> she said, tutting. <You took TWO lessons just so you could tell your associates that, yes, you did take swordfighting lessons.>

The ghost tilted its head, listening with growing comprehension.

<You never even used it except to show off and cut melons in half. No wonder it's still in such good shape,> she continued stepping forward.

The ghost stepped back, his expression growing concerned.

<And expecting me to just curl and die just like that? You never COULD stand to do your share of a job unless dragged kicking and screaming,> Parsee growled, jabbing the ghost in the chest.

She slapped the sword out of Eiichi's hand. <The only thing you did yourself was trying to manipulate me into being a good wife. I did my damndest to become the kind of wife needed to make our marriage work so that our families could prosper together, even actually giving in to your stupid requests! "A proper wife shouldn't interrupt, Mizuho-chan. A proper wife should know how to make tea, Mizuho-chan! A PROPER WIFE SHOULD KNOW HER PLACE, MIZUHO-CHAN!">

Parsee's eyes flared as she forced the ghost into retreat. <I was stuck on this bridge FOR CENTURIES repenting for the one misdeed I did against you and your mistress, whom I note isn't here - I guess til death do you part is the furthest you can commit too - and you couldn't find me ON THE ROAD TO HELL!>

<M-Mizuho-chan, I-!>

<I'M NOT TANAKA MIZUHO ANYMORE!>

Parsee rose into the air, lording over the spirit of her ex-fiancè, rage building.

<Tanaka Mizuho died the same day you did and in her place Parsee Mizuhashi was born! The green-eyed monster of Gensokyo, CEO of Dra Co, owner of the Stars Above nightclub, mistress of Cian's Floating Castle!

And it's not Parsee-chan, before your foul mouth opens again. You may call me Parsee-SAMA, unworthy as you are to look upon me.>

The ghost began to vanish, cowed into escape, but Parsee would not allow this, grabbing the apparition's robe while she could.

<Oh, no, you're not getting off so easily. You see, I'm not longer a human either. I'm a hashihime, the mistress of this very bridge. You are so eager for warmth? Then I hereby BANISH YOU TO HELL!>

She began using a spell card to send the flailing fiancè to visit Satori in Hell, but stopped when a woman's weeping fill the chamber.

<So THAT'S where your mistress is. Come on, dear, you can get in on this eternal damnation!>

The weeping slowly grew into growling as a towering apparition crawled down the hallway, the image of a petite woman fifteen feet tall, a knife jutting from her neck as she wept tears of blood.

Parsee whistled appreciatively. <Damn. A vengeance spirit? How many lies did he whisper in your ear to make you this angry about death?>

She cast Eiichi aside with a grin as her new adversary, much more formidable-looking than the pathetic ghost, reached her bridge. <I forgot to mention one other name I go by now, "honored husband"...>

She pulled out a device from behind her back and placed it on her belt. She placed both hands on it and lit up her eyes.

<They also call me...Kamen Rider Hime.

TRANSFORM!>

A flash of light gave the chamber its first actual illumination in years, dying as quickly as it erupted, leaving a blue-armored figure standing in Parsee's place. Heavy footsteps followed as Kamen Rider Chalice reappeared.

"May I join you in this battle, Kamen Rider Hime?"

"I'd be honored, Kamen Rider Chalice."

The vengeance spirit howled and swung a claw.

Are you there, Hakurei Shrine God? It's me, Parsee.

Hakurei Shrine, Gensokyo

It was a slow walk down the path, each step feeling as if it would be the last before she turned and ran back to the human village for more tea. The shrine maiden's attitude had been legendary before she'd spent a year as the head of the King of Beasts' security and fighting a multitude of villains had only enhanced her reputation. Yet, as terrifying as that made her, it also made her the perfect person to answer Parsee Mizuhashi's quandary.

And so she continued walking, one hand carrying a small, sealed bundle and the other pulling a rolling suitcase. One step after another, only the birds chirping and the sound of the suitcase clunking across the stone path to break the silence.

Although time seemed to stretch on, it was really only a few minutes. Timey wimey stuff or something.

The shrine maiden was busy doing chores, sweeping off the steps of the shrine so someone could, theoretically, pray to the Hakurei shrine god. Someone must have stopped by, a few coins currently in the donation box. Parsee glanced at it briefly before clearing her throat.

"Just a minute, I'll be there in a second..."

The shrine maiden set the broom aside and began walking over. "How can I help...oh, it's you."

Parsee snorted. "Yeah, yeah. It's me. Hello."

"What do you want?" Reimu asked, reaching for her broom to resume work.

"I just had a question for you," Parsee answered. "If you want, think of it as giving a wayward pilgrim some spiritual guidance. Shrine maidens do that, right?"

It was Reimu's turn to snort. "For people who actually want it."

"What makes you think I don't?"

Reimu glared for a moment and then glanced at Parsee's box. "What's in the box? Is that what you need guidance for?"

Parsee shook her head. "No, it's for you and Yuyu when we're done. Just a quick question, I promise."

Reimu pointed to a bench and sat down. Parsee joined her.

"Alright, ask."

Parsee took a deep breath. "Why do you go resolve incidents?"

Reimu blinked. She wasn't expecting that kind of question.

Parsee stood up and began pacing. "There's no doubt that you're good at it. Best fighter in Gensokyo with your blond buddy probably a close second, but you really don't see the do-gooder type."

"And you don't seem like the type to ask," Reimu countered with a half-lidded stare. "I do it because it's my duty as a shrine maiden. I also do it because I can't have ANY peace and quiet if I wait for someone else to slap the shit out of some smug bastard trying to turn the moon to cheese or actually put alligators in the sewers."

Reimu gets up and grabs her broom. "You didn't come here just to satisfy your own curiosity though, did you? I'd hate to waste my time spiritually guiding someone on an idle whim."

Parsee shook her head. "No, I didn't ask just because I was curious. I...am having some doubts about myself."

"You're not going to make a dragon appear, right?"

"No, no, that was a totally different set of doubts that has definitely been resolved," Parsee answered, waving her hand dismissively. "Ever since...well...I got beat up by that fake Hell Goddess..."

"It wasn't a bad fight," Reimu said, interrupting.

"Eh...not the point. Ever since I lost, I've been wondering if I really need to be doing that kind of hero stuff." Parsee continued. "I mean, there's lots of Kobbers who are good at that stuff and I'm not even leaving Las Vegas."

Reimu sighed. "You didn't stop being a pissed off bridge troll just because I beat you, right?"

"Er...no."

"Well, you're underestimating Hot Topic. She's a member of that Planeswarden group. She's a special agent or something; a professional at dealing with shit almost as nasty as what I put up with. You got beat up by someone really tough and now you're moping because you had a new power-up that you used, what, once before?"

Reimu shook her head and went back to sweeping. "Get over yourself, bridge princess. If you don't want to fight, fine, but don't make excuses for it. If you do want to fight, find your own reason for it and get good. I fight for my reasons and you can't have them."

Parsee laughed a bit and walked over to the donation box, throwing some cash into it. She began to walk off, but turned to stand at Reimu's side. "Almost forgot: your gift."

Reimu looked at the package and began unwrapping it. "Oh, right, what is....this?"

Reimu stared at a small plate with two sandwiches on it, burgers loaded with tasty extras and dripping with grease and hot. Once, they were hot and fresh. Now, just warm and fresh-ish.

"What are these?"

Parsee smirked and blushed a bit. "I hunted down the chef from the King of Beasts and asked her to give me the recipe for her signature dish. It's not QUITE a Brgrgr, but it's probably better than what you usually get out here."

Reimu began to reply when one of the knockoffs disappeared, happy squealing filling the air.

"Well, at least she likes it," Reimu noted. "Thank you for your donation. Anything else?"

"Nope."

"Then get lost. You're getting dirt on my clean shrine."

January 2017 RP Ticker Quote Archive

"You dare mock the Great Lord Kuriza, worm? After all the scrapbooking we've done together?"

Ghetto Rider cosplay. Heh.

they were fighting the dreaded “ mcvuhfm j ,lik/.;” and “./l;’ agfkli”, too. With a “,ployhuah”, no less.

"I call them S'muffins."

An entire cow carcass.

"..... ..... ..... ..... ....?"

'archivist' or 'transcriber' sounds ever so much more noble than 'editor' or 'that guy that drags dregs'.

"I would save questions of least and favorites for less important things like...seasons and children."

Or the fire. Can’t forget about the fire!

Would cruise companies accept pennies?

Brandon wished there was enough in the budget to eat a 20 lb burger and die of a heart attack.

Maerlyn would have sworn that the Courier was cracking a joke.

“Of course you have a whip.”

"I help most everyone by remaining twenty or so feet away from them and thus not burdening them with preemptive failure."

He was rather surprised to see the bloody tines of a dinner fork protruding partly out of his neck,

Zook Epilogue

zook will (not) return

Master Thieves Don't Pay Late Fees

Scarlet Devil Mansion

Zeldoten had done this dozens of times before. She'd succeeded and failed plenty of times, usually while in the employ of that long-legged gate guard that she could probably get past just by walking beneath her gaze. Win or lose, she'd always told Meiling how she'd done it.

Except for the times she didn't. Hired by the Nejems to, of all things, smuggle gifts into the mansion for the youthful mistresses, Zeldoten had a few routes she'd never been contractually-obligated to reveal to Meiling and needed one of them now for one last caper.

Even tracking the mansion down had been a mission in itself. It had left Las Vegas to go....somewhere. Weeks of research, chasing down rumors, and threatening anyone who had even HEARD of Gensokyo had finally gotten results. She, Nibbles, and Jester Chao had finally tracked the mobile manor down. The boys waited with the car, practicing a comedy routine of some sort while she did the blasted deed.

A minute of tinkering with a lock allowed Zeldoten access to the arboretum followed by slithering through the gardens like a snake. It was taking all of her skill, magic, and luck to get this far, but she still had a ways to go. She crept through the bushes, looking for a window without any traces of light inside, immediately finding an access point.

A slug of Monkey Fish and she was slowly climbing up the wall, using her tail to begin disabling the seal on a window. She flipped in, darting for the nearest shadow - under a bed - as she heard someone enter: blonde hair, red pajamas, sharp teeth.

The younger sister.

Flandre yawned as she walked over to the window to look outside. A lucky break for the thief, who promptly began creeping out from hiding, sneaking towards the door when she felt a tug on her tail: caught in the vampire's grip!

Struggling was out of the question; the girl's strength was legendary and she could also scream really loudly. Zeldoten raised a finger in a shushing gesture as she pulled out a toy: a Shimmer doll from the Manga Carte that glowed in the dark. Placated, the vampire released the thief and began to play, making cutesy sounds. Zeldoten smiled and returned to the mission, creeping through the halls by climbing on the ceiling.

Zeldoten began to sweat a bit, navigating her way solely on what she remembered of the mansion's layout from her previous visits, but she managed to make it unnoticed to her goal...

The library.

Only one...no...two issues were in the way: a couple of maids were kind of tidying up in front of the entrance.

A quick Vomit Swarm later and the two were sent fleeing, chased down the hallway by a swarm of tarantulas. Zeldoten snickered as she slowly, carefully opened the library door and entered, knowing she might still have a danger to face: the library assistant. A demon in her own right, Koakuma loudly and poorly sang some kind of techno song or something...something about dropping bombs. Zeldoten shrugged, using the sound of the succubus' voice to know when to take cover.

The two came close to meeting more than once, but a Master Thief is not so easily revealed, allowing her to make her way over to a table. Heavy, made of oak, empty of contents...perfect.

Zeldoten quickly set a book on the table and, abandoning all pretenses of stealth, charged out of the library and towards the nearest window, shutting it behind her as she flew off into the night and towards the waiting truck.

Back in the library, Patchouli would later find a book called "Nevada Jones" and a note reading Thanks for the book. Forgot to return it, so I stopped in real quick. Hu hu hu hu hu. -Zeldoten

Pondering Power

It'd been a couple of months since that fateful loss.

It'd been heart-breaking, humiliating, and educational. Power alone didn't win fights. It could certainly lose fights, blinding one to one's own weaknesses.

Perhaps it was necessary to black out to truly see what was there.

Hence...a return to humble roots, a time spent alone into the deepest darkness to do some soul searching. Water dripping in the distance, echoing about. A breeze coming from somewhere. Temperatures most people wouldn't want to endure.

A perfect place for meditation. Not a single soul would be by for sure.

Distractions no longer a possibility, it was time to soul search.

If power was not the way to victory, what was?

Attitude? It seemed likely, but having courage could do as much to give you a needed boost as stark terror. It certainly was a distraction sometimes.

Ability seemed obvious, but then again how many badass uber-sword kings that could cut mountains in half 100% of the time had been beaten by someone getting lucky with a spell and dropping an ottoman on their head?

Raw power was already ruled out. Someone who had the power to shut down the electric impulses in someone's brain seemed to be no match for a yo-yo swung by a madwoman.

Need? Thousands of Las Vegas citizens and millions of folks on Porphyrion needed protection from giant monsters and armies of freaks. How many of them were able to defend themselves just because of that?

Perhaps it was some combination of all of those things. That, then, was the secret: finding the right blend of mind and matter. It was certainly something to muse upon while doing sit-ups and push-ups, and drinking plenty of juice.

Gentle footsteps provided a distraction. So much for perfect solitude.

"Incoming text message from Cian," Shen said. "'How long are you going to sit in the shed? I made soup."

Ah, soup. Musing could certainly be done over soup.

And then the push-ups.

Maybe.

Ticker Quote Archive 2015

The past has invaded the future and supplied its own ticker quote archive.

......

...the past has only one quote at this time.

~

I DEMAND DIGITAL SATISFACTION