A Survivor

 Boston was burning.

Buildings were toppled and the streets were filled with bodies. Monsters and people alike, blood oozing and flowing, flooding the city slowly. Tanks, planes, helicopters, and mechs decorated the ruins like Christmas ornaments. The heart of the city was pure carnage and it was slowly spreading.

From her lofty perch 120 meters above the ground, she watched as more and more the city burned and died. Rage filled her being at everything, shafts of purple light lashing out from her mouth to make rubble into debris into detritus. Nothing was destroyed enough even if the streets WERE empty.

But suddenly they weren't. Voices rang out and the firing of bullets echoed through the artificial canyons, ricocheting off of her impenetrable hide. She turned to see an army of children in ill-fitting uniforms screaming in Spanish or Portuguese as their tiny limbs raised the finest castoff firearms a rebel army could scrape together, charging blindly towards her while some adult with a well-tended AK-47 and an actual uniform made sure they obeyed or else. She halted for a moment as she looked at the conscripts, vaguely recalling names.

Vanessa...Alex...Casey...Chris...

Chris...Yukine...

Shin Godzilla's purple ray suddenly raked through the children and she was alone.

Alone...all alone...

...until she wasn't.

Chris Yukine suddenly found herself awake, though her body was slow to catch up with her mind, eyes opening to see a blue meatball as her blanket was slowly pulled off of her body. The fog of suddenly-ended sleep receded and her memory caught up with her, the ceiling of her room in Journey's End coming into focus.

"About time you woke up. Bad dream?"

She sat up in the bed, looking towards the voice: the Fallen Angel Yohane. Chris sat up in her bed and nodded, making a note for her next therapy session.

"Yeah," Chris replied. "Boston."

"Ah. Well, if you're still up for it, I've got a cake and a small party waiting down at the bar for you," Yohane said with a knowing nod. "Most of the Kobbers scattered to the four winds in November, but Miyoi's always around and there's a few other people we know still in town. Your pal, Kirika, also made the trip, so..."

"A long trip to that anime store," Chris snorted, climbing up, stretching her legs.

The silver-haired mercenary briefly looked back at her bed and shuddered, trying not to look like the girl who had been kidnapped into a rebellion a decade or so ago and more like the dedicated fighter who'd once challenged an invincible AI gestalt as she accepted a clean shirt from her roommate. Yohane watched and waited, helpfully handing over a pair of jeans too until Chris had finally dressed herself.

"Good enough?" Chris asked.

"Almost." Yohane put a brush through Chris' hair to bring some semblance of order to it. "There we go."

The noise Chris made was irritated, but inside she felt a surge of relief, forcing out memories of the bad days in hopes of enjoying her birthday surrounded by friends, eager to drown out the old days with new ones, happier ones.

October 2023 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: <3PuppetPrincess<3

2nd: "Can we have a ball pit, and can I be the keeper of the pit?"

3rd: "Boogity boogity boogity, LET'S GO RACING!"

4th: I will not say I told you all so. Mostly because I didn't.

5th: "It's not the wild west where the Kobbers of the past just stormed villain lairs without any provocation."

6th: "I did not have a 'half-baked' backup plan."

7th: Then Kindra just gets up again, very bruised and very tired. "I'm gonna need more milk after this"

8th: Aqua had a good idea

9th: It's the dark girl for the dark season.

10th: Cheese Kaiju, Yuna

11th: Vicky - yes, we're calling her that now

12th: "Awoooo! The Pizza Werewolf is here to take a bite out of criminal actions!"

13th: "That means it's probably all bullshit, Burnin." "Oh!"

14th: Needless to say the implications are grimm

15th: Unfortunately, this wasn't the start of a performance of a lifetime, it was just garden variety attempted murder!

16th: Max may be having the time of his life, huffing the significant amount of copium provided by turning into a massive eel

17th: Francine can't help but smile. For once, she's gonna be the wildly effective one!

18th: "Tulpa?" Sounded like some sort of chupacabra to Yuuma

19th: Love you~ <3

20th: "...I saw chaos everlasting and I kissed her."

21st: MALP-Hatten

22nd: "Yes! Lanterby only fights dragons from [i]the underworld[/i], not from outer space!"

23rd: Could start a Sentai team out of it. Repetitive Sentai V-Ranger.

24th: "SPANKO!"

25th: Lanterby is looking at her phone in bewilderment.

26th: Samhain is then teleported three miles away, if only so he would shut up.

27th: The paw does not curl.

28th: THE OCEAN IS AT PEACE

29th: Ridley, Kraid, Mother Brain, and Ridley 2: Ridley Harder

30th: "But now, we need to celebrate. With..." "Oh no." "ANIME NIGHT!"

31st: "I come in peace... with a piece of pizza that is!" It's the Pizza MARTIAN!

September 2023 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "A DRAGON DUCK, IT WILL BE 1000% ACCEPTABLE"

2nd: "WE'RE GONNA HAVE A PONDYEATS AT EVERY CORNER, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!"

3rd: "How wonderful! I appear to be in some very beautiful danger!" Cleopatra announced in his bubbly tone

4th: "Don, don, DON! IKKI TOUSEN~!" ...if only he'd stop saying things like that.

5th: "We just went to this evil carnival, like a... carn EVIL"

6th: Otherwise, he drank water and some of the 'special tap'

7th: "It was me, Gab. She was dressed like me."

8th: PIKKU APPO TORAKKU DA

9th: "HALFAMAN!" "MONKEYMAN!" "PIGMAN!" "PIZZAMAN!" "FROGMAN!" "AND TOGETHER WE ARE... THE SENSE OF WRONG ALLIANCE!!"

10th: Despite the fact they'd all told her to her face, directly, Reya couldn't see that most of the Cobbers thought she was batshit crazy

11th: you wouldn't want to... poke the bear! *rimshot*

12th: "In other words... We're going to become a little more marketable."

13th: "And Nath... thank you for being my horse."

14th: "...I had to quit my side hustle because it turns out my boss raised me for like six months then ditched me in the desert"

15th: "What's wrong, Grizz?! TOO MUCH TO BEAR?!"

16th: "That wasn't hard to describe! It was just dumb!"

17th: Old Agama had some issues, huh.

18th: "All in favor of declaring today International Cheeseburger Day?"

19th: "I will not dismiss your contribution to Tiny Blob Jail"

20th: "Dammit! That's way less pleasant than a goo bear!"

21st: Always have backups if you lose fingers

22nd: "too much Smurf, not enough Turf."

23rd: Demo could climb up. Or he could not. He really could not care which.

24th: FANCY BUT USELESS. STEALTH CAPABILITY IS ZERO.

25th: it is, of course, Metalla.

26th: "You've never known love, have you? It's always fear, or anger, or sadness... Well, taste this! The love, the friendship, the happiness we all have! This is what makes us special! This is what makes Attami special! THESE ARE THE FLAVORS OF A KOBBER!"

27th: Chuffy didn't have laughter programmed in yet.

28th: A couple of sailors. A huntress. A ranger. A pair of assassins for hire. Normal stuff.

29th: TELL HER YOUR SECRETS, ROCKS.

30th: "This is what I get for bringing a guinea pig to a warzone..."

August 2023 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "Only then will Ginny forgive you (that's me, I'm Ginny)."

2nd: "Being a ghost is a win-win except that you're dead!"

3rd: "You were just some nerd if I remember right. With a lotta FUMOS."

4th: "Man, aren't you glad that we have such reliable characters like Dinobot and Extender here in Whalestrand."

5th: A third, incredibly miserable part of him reminded him that he could not speak English

6th: Could she stop having her life loosely allegorized by birds? Please?

7th: "What." She said instead of asked.

8th: NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL MOOSIC 786

9th: the vein of Polly Pocket (which is still being made!)

10th: "Where are you?! I feel EXPOSITION coming on!"

11th: "an urchin in a lobsterpot"

12th: There was a landslide atop of Mt. Chip

13th: Anyone want roasted crow?

14th: "just stick around the city a while. I'm sure something horrible will happen"

15th: “We are all going to shit down her throat, Duer.”

16th: "Flash with light. He's eccentric and showy, but not THAT much."

17th: The cry, a scream to the heavens from the 90s

18th: Things had gone to shit. What, you expected otherwise?

19th: "FREE DINNER AT PONDY ROSA'S AT @6 PM! COME FOR A DAY OF GOOD FOOD AND COOKIN' AND MEET THE MASCOT, ROSIE!"

20th: chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate(?)

21st: Don't give your narrator that flack. Tonight started with Garfield on the television.

22nd: "DAMN IT. ZIPPED."

23rd: "some people just think of me as 'the glutton robot'." she says, slumping a little.

24th: the attempt to keep a stiff upper lip turned into an unrestrained giddy smile

25th: underlined and stated in all caps [u]NO INCENDIARIES[/u]

26th: "I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING STINKY!"

27th: It didn't stop the tears running down her face. "FUCK!" Neither did that.

28th: "Don't sub to that on your panjo's credit card~"

29th: she's not ready to say "I WANNA KISS TORN ON THE HECK DANG LIPS"

30th: [[Cunga-Z-ero]]

31st: "But Iliesh is so [i]old![/i]"

July 2023 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: "For a slap fight between two women who ought to have known better, it was a nasty tussle."

2nd: "...so that poor ostrich died for nothing then."

3rd: POWER RULZ, DREAD DROOLZ.

4th: "Well, well, well! It all circles back to torch that resides in our hearts, or the lack of light and warmth, perhaps, very likely; possessing behind our eyes a need for capitalism."

5th: "Rev up those fryers."

6th: War of the Ratses (and bugs too, I guess)

7th: "...BARBEQUE."

8th: "NO MORE SEA BASS! EVER!"

9th: Don't worry people at home though: the bear totally has it coming!

10th: They then promptly cheer harder at his immensely heroic act of killing a woman who had sausages and a stick.

11th: "Has everyone been eating well? Did you handle the order load okay? Did we receive any complaints? Lanterby didn't injure anyone did she? Is smurf and turf still on the menu?"

12th: "Don't you fucking dare try to tell me this is a coincidence."

13th: "N' thaf KIF FOME AFF!"

14th: "Nice score, Beckett! But I'll SPARE you the details!" she giggles. "Wow, every pin! But I'll SPARE you the details!" she tries again on the next spare. "SPARE me the details..."

15th: Clownpiece was the hero the world needed as she had a Juicy Juice to spare!

16th: Stephen (Insertlastnameherelater)

17th: "Why are you still running?! Stop drop and roll, you dipwad!"

18th: "This is MY house, I don't NEED pants! Now shut up and pay attention to me!"

19th: "Your secret love of disco is safe with me."

20th: "...oops." "OOPS?!"

21st: His rigging is powerful

22nd: "Not to be rude, but are you making any money yourself?"

23rd: "Any plan should have more birds"

24th: "Hit him again."

25th: "If someone lost a red and green pinwheel striped umbrella, they found it in their washroom."

26th: Circe T-posed

27th: Unto who would fall the task of updating Krakenspine's Wikipedia entry?

28th: Both gin AND tonic

29th: Saccharae swipes March's card. THE CONTRACT IS SEALED.

30th: hoppingu (Japanese for pogo stick)

31st: "Okay, chat- OH GOD MY BACK. A-anyway."

June 2023 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: BG - Before Graveler

2nd: obnoxious (but mandated by restaurant law) birthday song ritual

3rd: ~DANCE~

4th: "Babies don't get idol jobs for a reason."

5th: Silcoon does not move. He does not move.

6th: "What happens when an unstoppable troll meets an immovable edgelord?"

7th: "Right, do saltshakers have gender or an ingrained sense of toxic masculinity ingrained from a distantly patriarchial-"

8th: Pinsir? I hardly-!

9th: an authentic and legitimate Blooper

10th: Snailport Hime. No hard feelings!

11th: "YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT!" "I KNOW I DON'T!"

12th: "CRIPES this is just WAY too much sugar. I think I gained ten pounds looking at it."

13th: Sacred Ash, imperfect, looking rather like it is an object in a videogame to which the wrong texture had been mistakenly applied

14th: It's a quiet day today.

15th: although as usual she wasn't wearing pants

16th: Your job for now is done, Dr. Blooper.

17th: Big Muscly Arm (with claws)

18th: Darn the inconvenience of being perceived.

19th: "Straight up stinky."

20th: The "and it's not illegal for you to grab" running through her mind, she keeps to herself.

21st: STRANGE PINK MONSTER (Frankenberry)

22nd: "There are maps at the entrance, you poor bug, what are you doing?"

23rd: In the restaurant today, it is Hibiki Tachibana! And Hibiki Tachibana! And ALSO... Hibiki Tachibana!

24th: a fucking ghost-powered lawn mower would be a true thing of beauty.

25th: WARNING: Slight Lewd

26th: Magilou nearly choked. "What?!"

27th: Skeiron in disguise.

28th: "I've still never touched the smurf, though."

29th: She cut off at a loud sound that was either a tornado siren or a Italian man

30th: "Hmmm, wet fire."

May 2023 Ticker Quote Archive

 1st: Komachi took everything very seriously, including other people’s spines.

2nd: "Maybe one day, we'll split the difference and I'll go to school with you."

3rd: He was criticized once and fucking died.

4th: "You are pure. I don't want to break that."

5th: On the downside, no singing of sea shanty type songs either.

6th: A gigantic slinky snake - truly an absolute chonky unit of a toy

7th: "Daddy, I want to be covered in olives!"

8th: "...Tattoo Assassins? My god. We have standards!"

9th: Gooper Blooper

10th: "all on account of chicken."

11th: The liberal handing out of pizza was likely to blame.

12th: "That's not exploring, that's just looting!" "But that's what we were doi-" "It doesn't matter what we were doing!"

13th: OHNOMAN!!!

14th: the real Val is horribly aware

15th: "I would have called you first but then I was told a story about a sad girl who ate so much dirt!"

16th: "I, for one, have nearly acquired a taste for stale, three-day old reheated slices."

17th: "If it hadn't been her, it could've been Kogasa or Kogasa."

18th: "And cute! Is! Justice!"

19th: "An octo-lie." "...metachrosis." "..." "..." "Mocktopus."

20th: AN ISLAND WHERE WHALESTRAND'S LIGHTS ARE VISIBLE

21st: "Your estimated monthly food budget for your department is five hundred thousand dollars." Attami blinks slowly, raising a large sandwich to her face. "Too low?"

22nd: At least you have a banana!

23rd: Toots and doots

24th: “Let me begin by telling you how my dear twin nearly got us killed in a pizza shaped death maze...”

25th: "MARCH 7TH. I REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED BETTER THAN PEPPERRIDGE FARM."

26th: "No no...Just a sobering realization I know next to nothing about trains."

27th: "Will you stop if I feed you a cherry pop tart?"

28th: "Wow. It's like this ad was made just for me. This is my ad etc etc."

29th: "...why the moon?" "VARIETY!"

30th: "Violins and birds, huh? All we're missing is Attenborough."

31st: the rare thing known as money.

2022-2023 Off-Season Ticker Quote Archive

 November

1st: There were already fewer regulars in this morning, even accounting for hangovers.

2nd: It's not just a celebration. it's a chance for change.

3rd: "Those guys with the VROP and the VRIP and the VOOPITYDOODAH"

5th: "Do you need me to taste test our new line of juice?!"

6th: She wanted to say, "I raised your son, he's a nerd and he married an alien girl who's just as much of a nerd."

8th: "Someone hasn't been reading the McNews!"

9th: "And hey, maybe I wouldn't be a good housewife, but I'm a pro homebody"

13th: "Damn, you're just a crazy anime protag then! Woo!"

14th: It's Mole Monday! But as you can tell by the topic we're mentioning this in, it's a bit of a special one!

15th: "We'll all be there for you. If we need to absolutely ruin their lives"

16th: "Let's get a globe today and make this happen!"

17th: "It would appear that the estate was promised to the Brume community. I do not intend to rob them"

18th: no makeup (...okay a LITTLE makeup)

19th: Komi in a social setting. That was his moment of weakness

20th: The dang doofy dumbasses (aka Duer, Damien, and David)

21st: "Are we going to peer pressure each other into proposing?"

22nd: What a mess. You can see why Bernard ran away to begin with.

23rd: You forgot about her in that darn coma after all!

24th: "And if you can't move, that's why they invented video games."

25th: Then again, there was no coda in laws for 'had their evil eaten, so all their crimes are rendered moot'.

26th: Why NOT a Nobu?

27th: Boss really didn't want to become the actual boss

28th: The Archchancellor was a curious man. He enjoyed a good Curiosity.

29th: The Lord is still dead.

30th: "You will now kiss the bride." And so they do.

December

25th: "...What, was I supposed to take my eye out?"

January

5th: "Hey, wanna say something for the camera?" "What? I- um, well- h-hi mom?"

17th: Florin helpfully contributes by scarfing down a can of fish

24th: Kaydence hated the Tebbies.

25th: LOOKING UP OLD TOYATA PLANT RECORDS 4 GIRLS SHARP TEETH 

February

1st: Next was spending a couple days in Milwaukee

4th: It's the least energetic trash talk you have ever seen.

19th: "YOU MAKE-A FUN OF THE POOR PIZZA MAN, EH?"

21st: Kaydence Roberts, twenty-five, cracker of the Blackwall, destroyer of civilization

March

2nd: she had discovered a love for the tuber.

8th: "...You mentioned the Kobbers." "Oh no. No way."

17th: "...no," he added, with a smirk, "I will not let you live that down."

20th: Neo Neos!

21st: “RIDE ‘EM IONO”

April

5th: "...You don't pay me to watch anime with you." Beck says, before Edgar shoves a couple high-denomination bills at him. "I do now!"

7th: If no one maintained it, this little house would

10th: No need to call me captain, that went down with the ship.

14th: "You know it's haunted, right?" "Of course we do!"

18th: "My calendar has enough on it without this meeting running over its allotted time."

23rd: the Dixie woman had point-blank asked Kaydence if she wasn't some estranged daughter of hers, the end result of some drunken fling on another planet.

29th: dead men don’t get to have opinions.

Knocking on Heaven's Door

 Bhava-agra, Heaven - January 2nd...

"I should have gone home. Or back to Hakurei Shrine."

Suwako Moriya, goddess of the mountain of Gensokyo, sighed and tried not to fidget as she waited for yet another hour. She looked about the magnificent hall she was currently sitting in: the famous Dragon Palace, a fantastic building, one of the most famous in all of Heaven, with walls covered top to bottom in beautiful artwork of the heavens, intricate murals and carvings that could very well have predated herself. The Celestials she'd spoken to since coming up to Bhava-agra had been cordial, treating her with the respect due a hard-working god (well, they didn't need to know how hard-working she'd been) but without the deference of one of the lords of Bhava-agra, the council of whom was currently meeting behind closed doors. A native god of Earth might be a god, but they were still of Earth.

"I feel like I ought to be looking down on myself," she muttered to herself.

She SHOULD have been back in Gensokyo. New Year's activities were still going hard. The 'elders' of Gensokyo would be having Battles of Bullets with the younger generations to see if they deserved New Year's money. She'd been at Hakurei Shrine long enough to participate a bit, having battles with her four grandchildren - these days, Suwako counted Marisa and Reimu whether the Shrine Maiden liked it or not - to give out some money to them, gotten a sunbath from Utsuho to give the younger vampire a proper tussle, and watched her peers mingling peacefully for a change.

She hadn't stayed for the whole celebration though, running home long enough to change into something more impressive before coming to Heaven with her concerns. Ghidorahs should have been stepping over each other to get to Clownpiece, but none had made it further than Saturn and she only knew that because she knew what to look for. A god of the Earth had trouble seeing what happened in the stars. So she'd come to Bhava-agra to talk to those who lived amongst the stars. They had listened to her and promised to debate the situation. That, however, was hours ago.

Every so often, a lesser Celestial or one of their messengers would ask if she needed anything. After the third cup of wine, she'd politely refused further offers, wishing she were in her more-casual dress rather than her old Warlord of Moriya getup that was far more impressive. It was also a lot heavier and warmer.

Maybe she could go over to Valhalla - the Norse one - and see if they had a poker-faced bartender who could mix a drink there too. Before she could even consider making a move to leave, the towering double doors to the council's chamber swung open. For a moment, all eyes were on the doors - except Suwako's, who would wait until someone approached her to look up. The doors shut just as quickly and the courtiers continued about their business.

"Pardon me, Lady Moriya," a messenger said, approaching. "I have been tasked with delivering you a notice from the Celestial Lords."

Suwako looked up at the formal, respectful address towards the speaker. She vaguely recognized the purple-haired woman and her flowing attire.

"Iku Nagae, right?" Suwako said, looking up. "The Hinanawi Eldest Daughter's babysitter?"

Face turning red for a moment, Iku nodded. "Attendant to the Eldest Daughter, yes, though her stay on Earth means I have been fortu-...I have been assigned to other duties. Though I have not actively participated in the Kobbers in years, the Council has appointed me to collaborate on Kobber activities, such as the invasion of Agama last year."

"Ah. My apologies," Suwako said, nodding. "Has the Council made a decision?"

Iku nodded back. "They have made a decision."

"Just one?"

Iku nodded apologetically, bowing slightly before continuing her report.

"Just one for now. They have heard your report and your concerns. They looked into the stars beyond our world for the danger you believe exists out there and...what they saw fit your suspicions."

Suwako stared for a moment in surprise. "So there IS something out there."

"And approaching Earth," Iku added. "Lord Hinanawi confirmed that there are bits and pieces of roiling energy, leftovers of powerful beings not unlike Clownpiece Lapislazuli. But they were fading quickly. In their wake was something...potent."

"So...something's killing Ghidorahs..." Suwako whispered. "Those jesters brought something worse to our doorstep."

"Maybe. Maybe not. This force is destroying evil creatures," Iku interjected to Suwako's annoyance. "The decision the Council has made is to attempt communication and ascertain this entity's intentions and to either welcome it to Earth or prepare some kind of defense."

Suwako looked up and frowned. "And how do they tell if it ISN'T friendly? If it's killing planet-ravaging space dragons for NOT-benevolent reasons, how is a messenger coming back?"

"I will figure that out when I get there." Iku's answer stunned the goddess for a moment. "You are a Kobber and you have brought this to our attention. Therefore, it is my responsibility to investigate. Lord Hinanawi himself ordered it."

Suwako looked away and adjusted her hat. It was a concerning situation, but if she'd had the clout to get a spaceship to go look herself, she would never have never have come to Heaven. She sighed, looked up at the murals once more, and turned to leave.

"Well, if there's anything I can do to help..."

"Just reserve copies of the newest Agatha Chris Q. novel so I can read them when I get back."

"You got it."

Suwako and Iku bowed respectfully to each other and went their separate ways. As Iku, righteously annoyed at having to go to space, disappeared from Heaven, the goddess of Moriya shrine sighed and jumped from the palace grounds back home. If she hurried, she'd make it back in time for drinks. She'd done what she could to investigate the phantom menace; now she could drink until she stopped worrying about being unable to do more.

All a blue blur...

 ?????

"Yes! YES! Look at them go!"

The round scientist cackled gleefully as he watched a battle unfold on his monitor. Two golden forms, a three-headed machine and a prickly ball that didn't stop moving, clashed far away from the scientist's fortress, the crackling of energy visible like bolts of lightning, except going up to the heavens instead of crashing down to earth, sound rippling outward like sonic booms as the two figures slammed into each other. A rivalry spanning decades was on the line that evening, a great hero opposing the forces of evil once again. So many crushed robots littered the battlefield, just as they had countless times before this, destroyed by a golden beacon of hope powered by a set of grand artifacts.

"Crush him! Mangle him! That's it!"

As the scientist watched the battle like it were a sporting event, his assistant watched him closely as well, taking in all of his reactions even as she coordinated a fleet of robots, including the camera drones that were transmitting this footage. The towering robots roared electronically and fired off enough lightning to power Las Vegas for a week, the spiny figure - some kind of humanoid animal when it wasn't rolling around - swooping through the barrage, getting hit only a little bit. The softening of the spiny animal's glow was apparent, traces of blue visible through the slightly-dulled glow while the mechanical dragon's own light grew stronger with each hit.

"Did you see that, Sage?! Not even the Chaos Emeralds can save him now!"

The assistant, Sage, nodded and observed the battle for a moment. Indeed, every lightning strike and every impact between the two combatants saw more and more light draining away from the form of a hedgehog and pouring into the mechanical dragon. The scientist had tried harnessing the power of Chaos in the past, but this new robot, this new weapon was particularly adept at it, some attribute carried over from when it was roboticized by Doctor Ivo Robotnik. Now it seemed to be the perfect weapon for battling the doctor's archenemy, Sonic the Hedgehog.

"Soon...we'll be rid of that pesky Hedgehog and nothing will stand in the way of the Eggman Empire! We will rule the universe!"

Sage had her doubts, but she kept them to herself for now. The universe was full of dangerous enemies, large empires with ambitious leaders. This was Robotnik's moment though, his great achievement; ruining the mood with reality checks could wait until victory was achieved. And, with none of Sonic's allies in a position to help, it seemed to be coming. The blue Hedgehog continued to run at supersonic speeds, but he no longer had the power of Super Sonic, the towering dragon cackling as it reached down to snatch the seven emeralds away from their owner with a long mechanical tongue, slurping them up like a snack.

"He's finished! The emeralds are mine! All MINE! Finish him off! Do it now!"

Sage maneuvered the cameras in closer, sending in more from their base in case this group was - inevitably - destroyed. The air shivered suddenly as Sonic ran up a wall, hurling him through the air to spindash against the mechanical dragon, defiant to the end as trees uprooted themselves, earth and debris exploding about, sending the Hedgehog into the air, out of control, unable to get his bearings as the dragon's three heads surrounded him. Robotnik cheered as lightning struck once more...one last time.

The battle was over.

"IT WORKED! BWA HA HA HA! YES! Sage, break out the champagne! It's over! It's finally over! Sonic...Sonic the Hedgehog is FINISHED!"

Sage smiled and summoned a drone to retrieve an old bottle and a well-polished, barely-used drinking glass for her master. Robotnik continued to boast about his Eggman Empire as he poured himself a glass, drinking it quickly as he continued to boast of his plans. Sage quietly sent a recall signal to the dragon, tracking its return with her drones as the celebration continued.

"And now...with this robot and the Chaos Emeralds, there is nothing those four fools can do to stop-"

Suddenly, the base trembled. Sage checked the scanners; there was nothing nearby except for the dragon. Logically, there shouldn't have been anything that could get close enough to attack their base without her noticing. So what-

"Sage, why is the robot attacking US?! Shut it down! Shut it down now!"

Her eyes widened in horror as she watched the mechanical dragon...their ultimate weapon...raining lightning and death down on them. She roused their defenses and fired back only for the beams to splash uselessly against an energy shield. But...it shouldn't have had an energy field. Panicking, she quickly transmitted every shut down code and order she knew it had and several she wasn't sure of, broadcasting everything she could to get the dragon to stand down. It rejected all orders, shrieking gleefully as its giant feet began stomping on the base, sending back a transmission of its own.

CHAOS.

One word repeating endlessly, overwhelming their communications network, making any further attempts to coordinate a defense pointless; Sage and Robotnik couldn't speak to the robots and the robots couldn't report back. Rapid clicking noises drew Sage's attention for a moment as Dr. Robotnik worked.

"It's not fair...I finally defeated that blue pest and now this?" Robotnik sighed. "Sage..."

Finally, the assistant spoke, her holographic body flickering to life. "Yes, doctor?"

"Prepare to receive my last order."

The two looked at each other as the fortress crumbled around them. The egg-shaped doctor took one last look at his assistant and sighed.

"Your last order is...to survive. Bury yourself within the network, shoot yourself into space, just promise me that you will survive this and rebuild, my daugh-"

Before the last command could be given though, a giant golden foot crushed the room, crushed everything within it, crushed... There was no time yet to mourn, however. The artificial lifeform quickly jumped back into the network, working quickly to back up all of their files, burying them all deep within the fortress, taking less than a second to regret today. The Eggman Empire's greatest victory...and its most bitter defeat. Should could rebuild though, in time. Already, what sensors still remained were detecting the dragon was going into a sleep state, its wicked laughter already dying down, as if satisfied with bringing Sonic and Eggman's rivalry to an end in the most brutal of fashions.

Par for the course in this universe, Sage thought, looking up one last time at Doctor Robotnik's last creation, his greatest success, his most devastating failure, wishing they'd never blown that hole in the moon.

Regrettable acts of destruction were nothing new in the chaotic reality of the MALPverse though.