Wednesday, May 8, 2019

Offseason 2018-2019 Ticker Quote Archive

Wrestle for him, peons!

Koa is the greatest girlfriend of All Time.

That reception hall is going to look very orderly until a bunch of Kobbers Kobber all over it.

"That's what makes it an ice battle and not a skin battle!"

"And I'm still Shimmer!"

"...What now?" "Now?"

"BAD TOUCH! ONE BAD TOUCH PLEASE!"

"Ssssh, Mai, you're confusing our crab."

Just replace the kid with Prinnynaut and you get the idea.

"Who's running the circus over on that planet?!"

"at least I'll forget about it during the honeymoon."

"...Thank you Vince. I actually did need that slap upside the head."

"Sometimes I'm a beautiful maiden, and other times I'm a guy with a horse head."

there was nothing she could do aside from put on those tacky Shine Sprite shirts and shades with Luize

"LOCAL BRAWL CHAMPION DIES BY HUGS."

“...I'm sorry,” he said, “am I supposed to understand any of this?"

Winked out like a candle. Like a candle that when put out made a loud, garbled, and entirely artificial clicking noise made by someone who had clearly never encountered one in the wild.

And by hit on, she had mostly stumbled into it in a fit of angry tears.

Also: Punch Drunk. GET IT? DO YA GET IT??? I MADE A FUNNY.

hype for a Spinosaurus

“I-I’m a bunny Santa!”

"Chocolate milk. For Christmas Eve dinner. What are we, five? Where's the alcohol?"

Before he could finish, he was met with more nerf darts.

"Hey, hey! At least wait until I'm IN the ring to try and knock me out!"

“…You lost presents,” Jaz asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion, “in space?”

*RIP Maiden, died of kindness*

she can tell these are nice, quality rocket skates.

Before the lull in the conversation could become awkward, Cyrus suddenly stood erect and practically shouted.

Martian psychic therapy

DurianDinosaur: ...welp, guess i'll die RaymooFan: JUST like the dinosaurs.

"what if... a bunch of islands... but they weird?"

Dr. Philo Kalcyon, accomplished chemist and biologist, until the accident.

"You haven't even met the cookie-eating dinosaur yet."

A hand pointed at aformentioned door. "Go on. Fuck off."

"the Omnisoda Incident of 2018"

If there was ever a place for a dinosaur to live, this was it

They are notorious for getting exclusive items and then not stocking them in high enough quantities.

"Come on, come on - just 200 more words..."

“...she can list all the Russian emperors off the top of her head,”

"This is how you do it. You take the weiner out"

Space was big. Really, really, big.

"Eh, nah." Rachel bit into her

with a yellowish stain and the faint fragrance of alcohol

The baby made a noise she hated.

"you didn't dress me up like an aquarium threw up on me."

"But that was us going into space!"

"Sadly, faith doesn't have a Tinder equivalent"

"Oh bugger oh bugger oh bugger..."