You're Fired...er...Hired

Floor B666, Underground Dungeon, Gensokyo

Guarding the bridge to the underworld was a quiet job. A boring job. A lonely job. Not many beings wanted to travel between worlds and it was Parsee Mizuhashi's job as guardian to keep people from traveling the bridge to the Former Capital. Once in a while, humans would come down to investigate earthquakes or look for hot springs, Kisume and Yamame would come by to visit. Most of the time though, there was nothing for the blonde Youkai to do but keep watch and play her flute.


She was in the middle of practicing a tune called "Flight of the Bumblebee" when the ground began to shake. Not a problem for a being who could fly, she thought as she began hovering above the ground. She continued her practice until, as bits of gravel fell from the ceiling, that the rumbles were growing more intense. That was more of a concern; it usually meant someone was trying to leave. She spun around, ready to fire blinding waves of energy when she saw that the approaching figure wasn't a demon, a Youkai, a human, or anything she'd ever seen during her guardianship of the bridge. It was large, winged, scaly, ugly, and it was also wearing some strange round lens over one eye with an even-stranger hat.

"Halt! Who goes there! Turn back now!" she ordered. "You can't leave."

The beast grinned at her, showing a mouth full of teeth as big as she was. She tried not to gulp too loudly, but held her ground.

"Madam, I snuck past you with so much ease on my way in," the creature said. "You're fortunately that I chose to reveal myself on my way out instead of just sneaking by or, worse, stepping on you."

Such condescension...Parsee's blood began to boil. Everyone who came her way looked down on her. Powerful demons who had permission to come and go, bothersome humans who felt they could just blast their way in, and now this stupid reptile. She raised her flute and began to play a tune she'd written, Green-Eyed Monster, as she manifested flowers made of energy around her.

The petal-like blasts left trails of glowing power as they wrapped around Parsee's new enemy, easily slipping around the creature's neck and wings before constricting. Yet the chains could not break the creature. Parsee changed the tune, firing a staggering rapid-fire stream of energy balls as she teleported around, hitting from all sides.

It yawned.

The guardian growled and prepared to change tactics again when a massive foot came down, pinning her to the ground.

"Is this your reaction to everyone?" the beast asked. "It's spirited, I'll grant you that, but compared to the likes of Arcturus Mengsk, the Society, the Deck, and a roly-poly White Mage you've got a lot of work ahead of you if you wish to destroy the likes of Gentleman Draco."

Parsee struggled to get up, spitting and cussing as she went. She HATED HATED HATED being treated like this! She deserved better! She...she...

"You've got power to be sure, but you waste it sitting down here," Gentleman Draco said. "You spend all your time down here, guarding this bridge, and you get no respect for it. You probably hear tales of other inhabitants of this area going out into the world and doing amazing things."

"What of it?" Parsee growled, feeling like she almost had an arm free.

"I just think it's a shame you have yet to try and actually obtain prestige for yourself. If you truly want to get out of here and do things, earn the respect you crave, accumulate wealth to make other envious of you, come with me and I will teach you the ways of Greed," Draco offered. "Or you can stay here in your pit, guarding your bridge, and getting ignored the rest of your life."

It was such an offer that Parsee ceased her struggling. Leave her post? Leave her BRIDGE?! In exchange for a chance to become great, famous, and more? Dueling fear and desire made her tremble. The dragon looked down with that big grin once more and took a step back.

"What would I need to do?" Parsee asked. "How long will it take?"

"As long as it takes and everything I ask of you," Draco answered. "No more, no less. But if you do as I instruct, you shall have all that you desire and more."

Once the corners of her mouth began to twitch upward, Draco knew she was hooked. "Even what you have?" she asked.

"If you learn everything I know and master it beyond my abilities, there is nobody who can stop you from having what is yours."

"And where can I learn this?" Parsee asked, hovering to look her new mentor in the eye.

"As the humans say, Vegas, baby! Vegas!"

On-the-Job Training

Rebecca huffed and puffed as she slowly made her way up the cliff face. Even though her armor had a built-in A/C and a water dispenser, she was sweating bullets with each step up she took. For what seemed like the thousandth time that hour, she switched on her radio back to Vina.

"Hey V, remind me why I'm the one climbing up here and you're back on the ship watching," she asked, more to distract her from the burning in her lungs than to actually get information.

"You're far more stealthy in your body armor than I am flying around in my armor," Vina explained. "I could just charge in guns a'blazing, but then the mark would escape and I'd feel bad."

Rebecca snorted. "Okay, fine, that's reasonable. So why am I carrying Shaggy?"

"Deinos can't use ropes and pulleys and all that fun climbing gear, and you need his help."

Rebecca nodded. "Fine, fine. Why am I carrying Flutters?"

Although unable to hear the conversation over the radio, the Noibat perched on Rebecca's shoulder chirped happily.

"I don't know," Vina answered. "Have you tried asking her to fly herself up?"

Rebecca grunted, pushing herself now that the top of the cliff was in sight. "No. She listens to you and ignores me while making nests out of my shirts."

The next few minutes passed in silence; Rebecca continued to put one hand in front of the other, not breaking her concentration to tell the flying Pokemon to fly. Soon enough, she'd be at the top and she could catch her breath, have a drink, and then set up her weapons to provide some covering fire when Vina actually launched her attack on the bandit camp the two Sealanders had been hired to bust.

Within the camp, bandits milled about as they sorted the goods from their latest haul. Marauding men and women casually exchanged insults, jokes, and anecdotes as they went about their business. Rebecca could see some basic detection equipment - probably good enough to detect tanks, planes, or robot armors - but the camp lacked more than a few bored sentries for keeping out spies.

"Alright, Shag, you sit there while Mama Rebecca sets up her toys."

Rebecca patted the Deino on his head and began setting up several new toys the Sealanders had been given: an automated mortar, a light machine gun, and some kind of tranquilizer-laden missile or something. She wasn't entirely sure what was in it, but she went about setting it up as Vina had repeatedly instructed and drilled her on.

"Good job," Rebecca's wife had said in praise. "We'll make a passable infantryman out of you yet."

Once the last weapon was set up, Rebecca sent a double-click over her radio: the signal for Vina to move in. With the call made, Rebecca immediately activated the weapons. The mortar scattered explosive shells about and the missile shot into a tent and scattered a paralyzing white mist pouring out while Rebecca laid down a blanket of suppressive fire, cutting down any bandit too brave or stupid to find cover. It was a rather easy job: hold down the trigger, move the barrel around, and ignore the occasional bullet casing bouncing off her helmet.

Once the return fire came, it got slightly more serious. Long range pistol shots weren't going to do much to her, but once the bandits got out a grenade launcher, Rebecca was almost convinced to bug out.

Then Vina arrived in 15 feet of heavy metal, firepower, and thrusters; her beloved heirloom power armor Siebzehn. A big blue hulk, Siebzehn barreled through the bandit defenders like it hadn't even noticed they were there. The only sign that Vina HAD noticed anyone in her way was a volley of missiles fired behind her as she burst into the tent and burst out a moment later with an unconscious humanoid in her arms.

"I've got the mark," Vina reported. "Call for the ship and let's go get paid."

Rebecca nodded, summoning their new spacecraft. She could never remember the current name, the ship's serial number, off the top of her head. She really should get around to naming it. That would have to wait though as a bandit had managed to get close to her position.

Rebecca stared down the barrel of a pistol, wondering if a shot at this range would be able to pierce the lenses on her helmet. A purely academic question though, as the bandit soon found his shooting arm clamped between a pair of vicious, burning jaws as Shaggy took offense to someone pointing a gun at his master. Flutters fluttered about, clawing at the bandit's back as the ship finally showed up.

"Alright, pets, it's time to go home," Rebecca ordered, picking up the gear hastily.

Lab Rat

As light filled her eyes, she began to panic. She didn't know where she was. Last she'd known, she was in a park being chased by a group of angry men with guns, but now she found herself trapped in some kind of strange laboratory. She was surrounded by strange machines, each making its own strange noises and a few had pictures of her on display. A pair of hulking figures looked down upon her, but the light streaming into her eyes kept her from making out any of their features.

"It's regaining consciousness," the figure on her left noted.

"That is of no consequences," the right figured replied. "All the restraints are in place and we've tested them hundreds of times. Let her watch."

The left figure nodded and returned to his console, checking data as it streamed by and occasionally making a noise of approval. "Rather advanced for humans."

"Rather advanced for many things," the right figure agreed. "Almost up to our own standards."

The two continued to work and ignored her. She struggled against her bonds, but as promised they refused to budge.

"It makes me nervous," the fearful figure pressed. "What if it can break free?"

"Then we call in the guards and they squash it like a meatbag," the more-confident figure retorted. "But if it vexes you so much, I will demonstrate its helplessness."

The two returned to looking down upon the table, blocking the light enough for her to make out some of their features: cold, emotionless, and alien. Their voices were like grinding rust. They discussed a machine and gestured towards her, one of them pulling out a strange gun and pointing it at her.

"Now that you're set," the confident one said. "Allow me to demonstrate."

He pulled a lever and suddenly her body was racked with immense pain. Electric shocks ran up and down her body, making her keenly aware of how sensitive her body was. She strained against her restraints, screaming as she struggled to vain to break free of the table. After an eternal five seconds, the pain ceased and her vision became blurry.

"As you can see, she is perfectly secure," the torturer concluded. "We tested all of these devices on Baffle and if he couldn't break free, a little Earther couldn't either."

The fearful assistant relaxed and stowed his weapon. "I am very reassured. We may want to do that again though; we got some excellent data from that and Lord Quick Fix will be greatly pleased by this development."

"Ah, no, it's losing focus and passing out again. We'll put in a request for the next time it's aware though."

As promised, her senses were slowly shutting down, giving her a welcome respite from the pain that had been her existence as long as she could remember.